The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

[_EAllusion]

Several years ago, Ajax's posting gave the implication that while he made a salary that should make him quite well-off, he felt like he was barely above water while being taken to the cleaners. He acted impoverished when he clearly was not. Posters tried to figure out if this was just a disingenuous rhetorical pose meant to underwrite his political views, but Ajax also kept dropping hints that he was living above what should be his considerable means and that this wasn't his choice. But how could it not be his choice? The implication was that his parnter was more, ahem, irresponsibly spendy than him and he felt pressured and embittered by it.

But it's not polite to talk about, especially since you don't know if that's actually going on. So best to leave it alone. But beyond this, over the years, he's made it seem like he really doesn't like his relationship. I'm surprised to see him so overt here.

Ajax - Lots of people are in marriages that are happy friendships in addition to being romantic partnerships. It's true.

[_Some Schmo]

Ajax - Lots of people are in marriages that are happy friendships in addition to being romantic partnerships. It's true.

Just like anything people engage in, relationships are hard for some people more than others. Some folks just suck at social interaction.

Most people, however, don't imagine that everyone sucks at the things they suck at as much as they do. People like Trump are dumb enough to think everyone's as ignorant or incompetent as he is, but most people aren't that stupid.

I can easily imagine ajax telling his relatives, "Nobody could have seen such a disaster of a marriage coming..."

[Guest]

Lol. You are VERY well known here for posting creepily about women. Why do you think the moderators collected all your creepiness into one thread and asked you to keep your creepiness there? (By the way, it would be good form to comply with that request. Each time you don’t, it just adds to your reputation as a creep.)

Don't speak for Shades. I am not the only one with a special megathread. Why aren't you listening to Shades? I tried to end the thread, but it didn't work. I am not a sexist creep, for extreme femenists everything is sexists. You should call Joe Biden a creep. Why aren't you calling him out? Do you want him to be our next president?

feminist then when you called me a ____ recently?!!! Stop making sexist posts, and I’ll stop pointing it out.

I didn't call you anything recently. You recently called me a PIG. You are the real creep and troll because you hate men. You sound like the typical SJW that nobody likes, and SJWS only hurt the Democratic party.

[_DoubtingThomas]

Reading a study that indicates that a person with a 5+ lifetime partners on average experiences slightly less sexual satisfaction in current relationships

The other study says, "significantly less likely" https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25370356. But okay. Let me assume that you are right and that I shouldn't worrry about STD risk before becoming a parent. How are my comments sexists? And are women sexists for automatically rejecing short men, asian men, men making a lot less than them, and men with dissabilities? Some women on their Tinder profile say they don't want short men to talk to them, but thank goodness I am tall. Please explain with detail why my comments sexists. Pretend that I am Forrest Gump and explain with details please.

His comments come off sexist, jersey girl. This coddling of him that you do just encourages him to continue posting sexist remarks. It happens every time you give him this opening. You are facilitating his sexism.

I agree with this.

Lemmie that is encouring me to keep posting "sexists" (in your view) remarks. It is a well understood effect in psychology. Jersey Girl makes me want to stop with the topic.

DT - Jersey Girl is saying you act as though you have an autism spectrum disorder, which you plausibly do, and feels that tact and grace means being kind to you while avoiding being too harsh about the implications of things you say. I'm sympathetic with what she's doing, but even if you have ASD, I don't think it excuses the comments you make here and, if your are on the spectrum, you really need to learn to be more effective at understanding interactions.

Can you please be more specific? Why are my comments inappropriate? To clarify I would much rather date a 25 year old woman with no history than a 18-22 with a history. No history = No STD risk. Please explain why this paragraph is inappropriate.

[_Jersey Girl]

Can you please be more specific? Why is it inappropriate to say that 18-22 year old women are generally more attractive? Is that not the truth? Please explain and I will try to listen carefully. To clarify I would much rather date a 25 year old woman with no history than a 18-22 with a history. No history = No STD risk. But if you have good reasons why I shouldn't worry about STD risk I would be glad to hear them.

I honestly have not read all of your posts on this or that other thread, nor have I read everyone's reply to you. I still want to take a shot at answering the questions that you posed.

You want to know why these things are inappropriate.

Why is it inappropriate to say that 18-22 year old women are generally more attractive? Is that not the truth?

It's inappropriate and comes off strange because you're only looking at one aspect of another human being--their physical attributes. What is absent from most of your posting history is that you don't discuss a woman's admirable qualities like character, integrity, values, ethics, or her interests. That's the short list. You rarely discuss, for example, what you'd like to do with a woman besides having a physical relationship. Though I do recall one post you made a long time ago about going camping together.

To clarify I would much rather date a 25 year old woman with no history than a 18-22 with a history. No history = No STD risk. But if you have good reasons why I shouldn't worry about STD risk I would be glad to hear them.

In the first comment you're talking about physical attraction and then you say to clarify--now you're talking about an age range where you think the potential for STD is lower. You're tying together 2 unrelated ideas.

I don't know why you dwell on STD's when they are preventable on your part.

In summary, both of your statements have to do with physical things. Physical attractiveness and physical safety.

It's like you want to buy a new car with good safety features. Where's the love, DT?

[Guest]

Lol. You are VERY well known here for posting creepily about women. Why do you think the moderators collected all your creepiness into one thread and asked you to keep your creepiness there? (By the way, it would be good form to comply with that request. Each time you don’t, it just adds to your reputation as a creep.)

Don't speak for Shades. I am not the only one with a special megathread. Why aren't you listening to Shades? I tried to end the thread, but it didn't work. I am not a sexist creep, for extreme femenists everything is sexists. You should call Joe Biden a creep. Why aren't you calling him out? Do you want him to be our next president?

feminist then when you called me a ____ recently?!!! Stop making sexist posts, and I’ll stop pointing it out.

I didn't call you anything recently. You recently called me a PIG. You are the real creep and troll because you hate men. You sound like the typical SJW that nobody likes, and SJWS only hurt the Democratic party.

Lol. Nothing needs to be said In response to this nonsense, but I do want to preserve your words for when you do your next delete and run.

[_DoubtingThomas]

my guess is that for various reasons (not the least of which is your former religion and it's harsh condemnations--and the time it took for you to come out from it) you feel that time has passed you by in the experience department.

That is correct.

If I've got that right then naturally, time really has passed you by compared to the majority of your non-LDS peers and you just want what you think everyone else already has and I guess, trying to catch up. You're all over the studies trying to figure out how to make it "work" for you and you try to rely on science because science is one of the ways you anchor yourself in the world--which is mostly fine in most cases, but not for this.

That is correct, and I think that science is all we have. Everything else is mostly subjective.

Relationships only come by engaging in them.

I agree, but it is not easy for me. I am not in high school and the coronavirus thing is not helping. I didn't find a club that I a interested in and I was working a lot, so I didn't really have much time. I did talk to my co-workers like you suggested (to guys), but it didn't help. I had to spend a lot of money on a course and Tinder to finally go out on a date.

Because sometimes it does work and sometimes it doesn't because life and relationships are a series of adjustments that you make. Keep talking and texting with that girl. See where it goes. Engage in it.

Okay, so I'm blathering. Nothing new there.

Thank you for your comments Jersey Girl. I hope Eulluision ends it.

[_Jersey Girl]

Lemmie that is encouring me to keep posting "sexists" (in your view) remarks.

I don't know why you think that. I did read one of Lemmie's posts where she said (paraphrasing) keep posting sexist remarks and I'll keep calling you on it. She's not encouraging you to keep posting those types of remarks. She's telling you she's not going to let those comments slide without calling them what she thinks they are--sexist.

It is a well understood effect in psychology.

I don't know why you said that. It doesn't seem to fit.

Jersey Girl makes me want to stop with the topic.

I'm not really trying to make you stop the topic. I think you could try expanding on the topic instead of staying with the physical. Because you almost exclusively talk about sex. That's why people are criticizing you.

When all you talk about is being happy in a physical relationship, you're actually leaving out the majority of a relationship with a woman is.

I'll be interested to see what EA has to say. He is often coming from a similar place as I am but he goes at it differently. I sometimes think his responses are more suitable to this discussion.

[Guest]

It's inappropriate and comes off strange because you're only looking at one aspect of another human being--their physical attributes. What is absent from most of your posting history is that you don't discuss a woman's admirable qualities like character, integrity, values, ethics, or her interests. That's the short list. You rarely discuss, for example, what you'd like to do with a woman besides having a physical relationship. Though I do recall one post you made a long time ago about going camping together.

I perfectly understand. But don't most women do the same thing when they automatically reject asian men, short men, men with dissabilities, men living in poverty?

I do want a good woman, but I think men evolved differently. It would be okay for me to date a woman with different views, sharing the same views is not the most important thing for me. I would date a conservative Trump supporter, it doesn't have to be the perfect match. It wouldn't be good for a relationship if there is no physical attraction.

It would be nice to find a woman that has the same interests. I don't expect to find the perfect woman. I am not in the position to find the perfect woman.

It's like you want to buy a new car with good safety features. Where's the love, DT?

I would easily fall in love with a woman. I don't talk about it because it won't be a problem.

[_DoubtingThomas]

It is a well understood effect in psychology.

That backfire effect and reverse psycology. It is like if Lemmie wants me to keep posting on this topic.

I am out of time, I have to go, but I will come back later. Thank you Jersey Girl. I will carefully read again what you told me.