The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

[_DoubtingThomas]

And...I need to take a break from this. Like now.

It is okay Jersey Girl I undertand. But don't get me wrong, I do care, I just don't think I will find the perfect woman.

What do you mean by nice?

That is an intersing question. I guess for me a "nice person" is someone cares about others. I want to find a girl that thinks I am entertaining. Here is what a dating coach said (See after 8:17)
https://youtu.be/3Vacr_koFW4?t=497

What do you think?

[_Lemmie]

....I think men evolved differently. I don't think lonely men really care about a woman's views (unless they are extreme, but that would be a minority of women), accomplishments, or character (unless they easilly get mad). Men can pretend to care, but I don't think most really do. I know it sounds bad, but I think it is evolution. "

he changed that? I saw it earlier and made a mental note to break my general "don't respond to DT about chicks" rule.

Since when, DT, does marriage derive from evolution? In the wild, do animal that mate based on physical instinct stay married for thirty years?

You're not a student of nature, you're a student of Disney movie plots, and you study with a reductivist eye. You notice that when guy spots girl that he thinks is *cute*, that's the single necessary condition to build the life-long romance on while all else is negotiable. And you're probably right. But that's not real life.

I fully believe that you believe getting a girl with the right look is all you need, and once you bag that, you're good to go. There's no way to put the experience in you before the journey, so I won't try, but I will ask that you remember me once you've found someone. It *will* matter to you down the road. The chances that your girl is going to make it the purpose of her life to put out for you are next to zero, but supposing she does, even then, it *will* still matter, because the other stuff will at some point become routine. But the greater odds are that in between your sparse episodes of getting busy, there's bills, possibly kids and hey, what if you have a kid with medical problems or something? Problems that fall upon you from extended family; I mean, there are so many problems that will head your way that you would trade getting laid for a solution to the least of them in a heartbeat. It will be shear hell for you if you don't have a connection in terms of character, accomplishments, views, likes and so on when you're dealing with all this other stuff as a matter of duty, biding your time until the next physical session. You can't comprehend that now, but you will one day. So just remember me, and let me know when you're going through hell so you can tell me you at least now know what it's like.

Excellent points. I see DT repeated part of a post right after this, maybe to avoid thinking about it?

Deleted by DT:

....I think men evolved differently. I don't think lonely men really care about a woman's views (unless they are extreme, but that would be a minority of women), accomplishments, or character (unless they easilly get mad). Men can pretend to care, but I don't think most really do. I know it sounds bad, but I think it is evolution. "

Wow. ‘Most men don’t really care about a woman’s views.’ Nothing sexist about that, right?

[_Doctor CamNC4Me]

On our drive this morning my wife and I talked extensively about evolution, space travel, hobbies, Star Trek lore, Elon Musk, birthdays, aging, and gardening. I don't know what's going on with DT and his view of women, but it's wildly incongruent with a happy and fulfilling relationship. The only real way you can find a life partner is to actually, I dunno, get to know people outside of some 'manosphere'* or 'female dating strategy'* constructs. The thing about our relationship is that it was born out of a pre-existing friendship where sex wasn't a consideration, where future family planning wasn't a factor, and attraction was a happy coincidence mostly founded in mutual admiration.

* While these Internet themes are, in of themselves interesting, I wouldn't consider them effective at deconstructing male/female relationships. They seem to result in pitting men and women against one another, where each party 'realizes the Others' true nature' and then you enter a transactive state with the opposite sex. While I wouldn't say there isn't value in these forums and what have you, but if you buy off on their narrative you risk becoming a male or female partisan. It's no different than what Republicans and Democrats do to each other on the Internet, and it ends up alienating us from one another. For example, DT, I'm a Democrat. But that doesn't make me a partisan Democrat because I realize people are much more nuanced than the loud and assertive voices on YouTube, Reddit, here, and other places. I'm able to love and value my Conservative friends and extended family members despite some of their views, but they're much more complicated than a vote they cast. It's no different with men and women. Sure we have some biological imperatives, but we're able to transcend that because we have brains. And it's the brain that determines the person, and who they'll be in a relationship. We're not characters in a play, and you risk your continued downward spiral into viewing women as such if you keep using the Internet to shape your view of the world.

- Doc

[_canpakes]

Well said, Doc. Sounds like your morning drive was enjoyable, and usually is.

[_honorentheos]

There's been some good advice and comments here recently. I agree with Gad, something's can't be taught and if DT is intent on being a character from a John Hughes film, well, the dude who can't think about anything but getting laid is a trope for a reason. A bad reason, but a reason none the less. You'd think in the internet age DT would have encountered enough information to be aware that his thinking is unhealthy and why. But then again, we've revived a lot worse things in the internet age than the sex obsessive teen guy stereotype.

[_Jersey Girl]

And...I need to take a break from this. Like now.

It is okay Jersey Girl I undertand. But don't get me wrong, I do care, I just don't think I will find the perfect woman.

What do you mean by nice?

That is an intersing question. I guess for me a "nice person" is someone cares about others. I want to find a girl that thinks I am entertaining. Here is what a dating coach said (See after 8:17)
https://youtu.be/3Vacr_koFW4?t=497

What do you think?

Thanks for asking what I think. I think that when a Jersey Girl says she needs to take a break from this, you say you understand and proceed to re-pose the same question to her as you did when she left to beat it the hell out of this thread for a break before she goes off on you, that you probably didn't really understand to start with.

That means I'm taking a break from this thread.
That means I'm taking a break from engaging you on this thread.
That means I'm not going to reply to you again until I'm darn good and ready.
That means I won't be darn good and ready until I can do it without wanting to bludgeon you entirely.
That means shut up your keyboard and don't talk to me again until you see me return.

by the way...

This isn't me returning. This is me telling you to respect that I said that I needed to take a break and stop posting to me.

[_Analytics]

This morning I heard a couple of songs that made me think of DT.

The first one was the song "Good Girls Bad Boys" by Falling in Reverse. Falling in Reverse is an amazing newish hard rock band if you haven't hard of them (and tragically, their lead guitarist died a couple of days ago. I only discovered Falling in Reverse in the last couple of weeks, and it is more than ironic that I have to add them to Buddy Holly, the Beetles, Led Zeppelin, Rush, and Nirvana as live acts who I will never hear). It's great music to listen to while working out.

Good Girls Bad Boys has clever lyrics and a catchy tune, but couldn't be more filthy if they tried. But the main chorus says:

So why do good girls like bad guys?
I had this question for a real long time
I've been a bad boy, and it's plain to see
So why do good girls fall in love with me?

Most of the song is too filthy to repeat here, but the last line is hilarious. After singing about how he wants to get into this good girls pants for the whole song, the last line is, Bitch, you gave me the damned clap!

Later when I was having breakfast with my wife, I said something goofy and she laughed, hugged me, and told me how much she loves me. She then cracked a joke about how she wasn't sure why, given all of my problems.

That brought to mind the Kelly Clarkson song "My Life Would Suck Without You", which contains one of the best lines in all of popular music:

Maybe I was stupid
For telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong
For tryin' to pick a fight
I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too
Either way I found out I'm nothing without you

For those of us who are real and less than perfect, I think that is the very best we can hope for in a relationship.

[_Dr. Shades]

. . . I do care, I just don't think I will find the perfect woman.

Congratulations, you're 100% correct! You WON'T find the perfect woman. But that's okay, no man ever has or ever will.

. . . but guess what? It's still fair, because no woman has ever found the perfect man, or ever will.

Once you understand and fully integrate those two truths--and stop despairing about them--you just might be at the starting line at long, long last.

[_moksha]

. . . I do care, I just don't think I will find the perfect woman.

Congratulations, you're 100% correct! You WON'T find the perfect woman. But that's okay, no man ever has or ever will.

. . . but guess what? It's still fair, because no woman has ever found the perfect man, or ever will.

Once you understand and fully integrate those two truths--and stop despairing about them--you just might be at the starting line at long, long last.

Great advice DT and not just because Shades was channeling Ann Landers.

[_I have a question]

And...I need to take a break from this. Like now.

It is okay Jersey Girl I undertand. But don't get me wrong, I do care, I just don't think I will find the perfect woman.

What do you mean by nice?

That is an intersing question. I guess for me a "nice person" is someone cares about others. I want to find a girl that thinks I am entertaining. Here is what a dating coach said (See after 8:17)
https://youtu.be/3Vacr_koFW4?t=497

What do you think?

Why is the onus always on what the woman needs to be? If you can’t find a girl that thinks you’re entertaining perhaps the problem is that you’re not entertaining. Have you considered the issue isn’t “them”?