The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

[_Lemmie]

...will everyone please stop encouraging DoubtingThomas to read or quote from more studies?

Sure. Not that anyone is doing that.

...He needs to quit doing that and, instead, go outside his house and actually meet--or meet up with--a real, living human woman and find some way to make her life better.

Hard to do that right now, but yes, in theory, a great idea. My guess is that he will take your comment as encouragement to trollquote another study. Sadly.

[_Jersey Girl]

Well now, we've all been taken to school by Shades. Thanks so much, Shades!

Who is encouraging him to quote more studies? Names, please.

How do you expect him to socially distance himself into a relationship? Just curious.

[_Chap]

DoubtingThomas, reading studies is doing you no favors. From this point forward, for every study you're tempted to read, go outside your house and actually meet--or meet up with--a real, living human woman and find some way to make her life better.

I couldn't agree more.

I'd go further, and suggest that he just spends time trying to do something for SOME other human beings, irrespective of age or gender. He needs to take Human Relations 101 before he embarks on more complex activities. Even under current circumstances there are almost certainly opportunities for volunteering -in real life or online - near where he lives.

And apart from not reading 'studies', another major factor distracting DT from the essential task of actually relating to other living human beings is wasting his time posting on this board. I appreciate that for many of us (me included) this thread is yet another way of not thinking about COVID-19, but please can we just leave the guy alone? By now he has been told all he needs to know clearly, multiple times, and by several different posters. Arguing with DT or commenting in detail on his various utterances only facilitates his strategy of substituting typing for living.

Stop posting DT. There are apps that can help you block access to this board for as long as you need. Do like the Doctor said, and start living instead.

[_Lemmie]

but please can we just leave the guy alone?

Please can he just stop talking to this board as though everyone here is a man and he is discussing with you all these things called women?

This is my board too and no, I don’t consider it acceptable to just leave sexism like that alone. Leaving it standing and uncommented on normalizes it and minimizes the women who read here. It creates a negative environment. Shades has done his best by putting all DT’s sexism into one mega post, but DT does not respect that request to keep his bigotry there, and he continues to start threads that spread that atmosphere around. Setting up an atmosphere like that in a space like this that denigrates a specific group is hurtful, and deserves pushback. Always. Accommodating him, or even helping him get along in life is noble, but doing it by allowing sexist stuff like that to stand is not a solution.

[_Chap]

And apart from not reading 'studies', another major factor distracting DT from the essential task of actually relating to other living human beings is wasting his time posting on this board. I appreciate that for many of us (me included) this thread is yet another way of not thinking about COVID-19, but please can we just leave the guy alone? By now he has been told all he needs to know clearly, multiple times, and by several different posters. Arguing with DT or commenting in detail on his various utterances only facilitates his strategy of substituting typing for living.

Stop posting DT. There are apps that can help you block access to this board for as long as you need. Do like the Doctor said, and start living instead.

Leaving [sexist material by DT standing and uncommented on normalizes it and minimizes the women who read here. It creates a negative environment.

My advice was of course directed to DT, and the suggestion that we stop addressing him was peripheral to that. But I certainly understand the concern you express.

You are, like the rest of us, free to post as you wish. But given the particular and very obvious characteristics of DT's personality disorder, have you ever asked yourself which tactic of the two following is more likely to end the flow of posts by DT containing matter offensive to you arriving at the top of the list?

(a) Reply to every post by DT that you find offensive (leading inevitably to replies by him, probably with more offensive material in them ...)

OR:

(b) Ceasing to reply to his (by now) highly repetitious posts, which will lead to his thread falling further and further down the list ...

Personally, I find the content of those of DT's posts that I have read either creepy or depressing. I'd be delighted if Shades could find it in his conscience to send this guy to Spirit Prison. But absent such a solution, I suggest we should see what can be achieved by ceasing to feed the troll.

[_Jersey Girl]

I'd be delighted if Shades could find it in his conscience to send this guy to Spirit Prison.

I'd like to see this thread merged into the Mega Thread and that moved to Prison, but not DT himself. I mentioned to DT in an earlier post that I have 2 threads going in Prison and chose to put them there so they were out of the way. I think that could work well with the Mega Thread.

I mean, he's free to say this stuff but he's not observing Shades directive when he starts a new thread outside of the Mega Thread on a tangential topic like he did with this one.

Lemmie and others could stop posting to him but given human nature that's unlikley to happen and as Lemmie said, it's important to her to identify and call out sexist remarks because to turn a blind eye to it makes it somehow acceptable and ultimately normalizes it.

DT does participate here on other topics and also in Terrestrial (though I haven't read any of his recent posts there) so I wouldn't support confining him to Prison. But the Mega Thread? Yes, I'd slap that right into Prison and if he posts here in Paradise outside of Shade's directive...I'd probably start a queue process for his posts if the mods find it too time consuming to move his posts from here to the Mega Thread.

DT can choose to have his Mega Thread relocated to Prison. Just like I elected to keep my 2 threads in that forum.

[_honorentheos]

Please can he just stop talking to this board as though everyone here is a man and he is discussing with you all these things called women?

This is my board too and no, I don’t consider it acceptable to just leave sexism like that alone. Leaving it standing and uncommented on normalizes it and minimizes the women who read here. It creates a negative environment. Shades has done his best by putting all DT’s sexism into one mega post, but DT does not respect that request to keep his bigotry there, and he continues to start threads that spread that atmosphere around. Setting up an atmosphere like that in a space like this that denigrates a specific group is hurtful, and deserves pushback. Always. Accommodating him, or even helping him get along in life is noble, but doing it by allowing sexist stuff like that to stand is not a solution.

I think your post raises a number of good points, not least of which being it's true most of us seem to being reading and responding to DT through the male periscope while ignoring the female view. In fact, I hadn't thought about it before you raised it here, but now that you say it and I reflect on my own participation it seems obvious.

I tend to favor this board because of the open and often higher level discussions than what one finds on the web in open forums. It's an unusual place. So I appreciate both the right to respond to DT as one sees fit, and to assert motives for doing so that others might dislike. I'm not sure how one inherently goes about expanding one's own view without others calling attention to how they see things. So, in a word, thanks.

[_Gadianton]

Just to point it out: it's possible DT's way of blowing off steam is by reading the studies and quoting them here, and getting us worked up, and it doesn't actually influence how he interacts. If so, he wouldn't be the first guy whose talk is bigger than walk when it comes to women. His talking game, instead of a defense against rejection by more usual locker-room talk, is reducing women to studies and numbers. I wouldn't go so far to say that it's "healthy" but it's possible that it's not hurting him as bad as one would think, if it's compartmentalized.

[_Morley]

Just to point it out: it's possible DT's way of blowing off steam is by reading the studies and quoting them here, and getting us worked up, and it doesn't actually influence how he interacts. If so, he wouldn't be the first guy whose talk is bigger than walk when it comes to women. His talking game, instead of a defense against rejection by more usual locker-room talk, is reducing women to studies and numbers. I wouldn't go so far to say that it's "healthy" but it's possible that it's not hurting him as bad as one would think, if it's compartmentalized.

It's the potential damage to others, reading or real life, that concerns me. Personally, I broke DT's plate a while ago.

[Guest]

Just to point it out: it's possible DT's way of blowing off steam is by reading the studies and quoting them here, and getting us worked up, and it doesn't actually influence how he interacts.

Not in the real world. I am trying everything. Look, I think am doing everything right. I used to go to the gym, I went to other places, I didn't find an interesting club, I do have dating apps , and I went to some bars (non-alcoholic beverages). You are a creep when you go to places by yourself to talk to women. My city is not friendly for singles (really, I can tell you why in a PM), and I honestly don't have a lot of opportunities. My problem is that I don't have a lot of friends (certaintly no good friends) and when you don't have a lot of friends it can get very hard get into a relationship. The only thing I could do is to be patient, but I am getting older and it can't be healthy to be patient for so many years. I use Mormon Discussions as a punching bag when I am sad or mad. I admit it. Of course I am not happy.

Lemmie said, it's important to her to identify and call out sexist remarks because to turn a blind eye to it makes it somehow acceptable and ultimately normalizes it.

Jersey Girl, the name-calling won't help. I am just trying to go after the facts and the truth. So I would really appriciate if others can explain why my comments are sexists. Would it be sexist to say that women have more empathy (in general) than men? Why? Is is sexist to try to understand human psychology and evolution? Why?

I tend to favor this board because of the open and often higher level discussions than what one finds on the web in open forums. It's an unusual place. So I appreciate both the right to respond to DT as one sees fit, and to assert motives for doing so that others might dislike. I'm not sure how one inherently goes about expanding one's own view without others calling attention to how they see things. So, in a word, thanks.

Very true. But it is only name-calling from Lemmie. EAllusion has done a much better job, but hopefully he can give me some references.