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If one does something in life that they felt was increadibly wrong for them but the rest of the world might not see it as wrong, but the person feels so guilty that they have felt guilty for 6 or 7 years after apologising to the person. So guilty that they have pleaded with god and cried so hard at the thing they done and repented on many occasions and even after making up with that person and being told they were forgiven but still feels so bad.

So bad that even now just thinking about it makes me cry so much and not stop that my head hurts.
So guilty that nothing I can think of will make the pain go away.

How does one overcome such feelings having been through the repentance proccess many times?
How can I ever truelly know that i can stop feeling so bad. how can I know for sure that she really forgives me or that she just said she did because she is that type of person? How can I tell someone that I haven't seen in many years since her house was blown up that I am so sorry? I know she is alive because my brother told me that he seen her and sort of dated her. But how can I really know that she is ok? How can I know that she has forgiven me?

Imwashingmypirate wrote:If one does something in life that they felt was increadibly wrong for them but the rest of the world might not see it as wrong, but the person feels so guilty that they have felt guilty for 6 or 7 years after apologising to the person. So guilty that they have pleaded with god and cried so hard at the thing they done and repented on many occasions and even after making up with that person and being told they were forgiven but still feels so bad.

So bad that even now just thinking about it makes me cry so much and not stop that my head hurts.
So guilty that nothing I can think of will make the pain go away.

How does one overcome such feelings having been through the repentance proccess many times?
How can I ever truelly know that I can stop feeling so bad. how can I know for sure that she really forgives me or that she just said she did because she is that type of person? How can I tell someone that I haven't seen in many years since her house was blown up that I am so sorry? I know she is alive because my brother told me that he seen her and sort of dated her. But how can I really know that she is ok? How can I know that she has forgiven me?

Good grief, pirate.

Let's assume that based on your post above you did something really and truly rotten to another person, you apologized and she stated that she forgave you. The next step for you is to...

GET OVER IT!

You can NEVER know if someone truly forgives you. Never! The type of guilt that you are expressing is a selfish waste of time. Is crying and obsessing over it at all productive?

What else could you be doing in your life with the time you invest guilting yourself that is productive?

Whining and wallowing in guilt is a huge self centered meaningless waste of time.

Jersey Girl
(you expected a straight up answer from me, right?)

I don't spend that much time on it. It's just when I think of things in the past they all usually lead to different things. I will tell you what happened then you can get a good idea what I am talking about.

I once and only once beat someone up who didn't deserve it and i spent years and years living with the guilt of that. It makes me cry so much at how I behaved. I had one good friend. She was bullied too. It turned out she was actually related to me on my dads side.

What happened was we were in chemistry and the girl who attacked me alot was on the other side of the room and she was with some other girls that bullied me too but they were more sly about it. they would wait till I was going home and shout at me and get other people to do it for them. And this girl Sharon who was my friend had joined them the other side of the room and joined in with them. It hurt me because she was my friend and she just did it so they didn't bully her. So when class had finished I had just left and she started pushing me around from behind with the others. I just left it because she was my friend and kept going then I took a detour and she was outside with lots of people and I was so upset at how she could have done that. She was calling me names so i went and I beat the crap out of her so much. I didn't damage her and the only thing that made me stop was hearing people egg me on. I realised I was doing to her what they did to me and I stopped and they told me to keep going and I felt so bad. I just helped her up and walked away with her. Then we split up and I took a long way home. I was disgusted with myself. I went home and mum mum gave me the phone. It was my mums friend. the one who I always ran to for help when people chased me. Her daughter saw it and told her that I along with five others had beat her up. And I said no. Then the next door neighbor had told my mums friend that it was just between the two of us. Sharon lived a few doors away from her. her dad them came to the door and asked why. He wasn't angry he just didn't understand and I had agree'd to go round and apologise. She also lived on the same street and the girl from before. I did go round and apologise i was never more sorry ever in my life. She never talked much she just accepted it. We made back up but she moved school because of me. I was so sorry and she accepted it but I still felt I hadn't done enough.

Her mum had just had a baby and she would tell me about it. Then one night someone blew up her house. And I hadn't heard from any of them again ever. I prayed so many times that God would let her know that I was so sorry and wrong I prayed so hard and for years didn't know if they were ok. I would see her house boarded up and the wall outside were black. they put a petrol bomb through the letterbox. I think this is where my fear of fire came from, along with the fact that the house three doors down from us was petrol bombed and I saw the fire we all had to leave because the houses were joined together, the flames were red and the windows smashed. It was during the night and for many years I woul think someone was going to do that to us. But then my dad would have probably blew us up first if my mum hadn't let him do what he wanted to her. He put the gas on and threatened to blow it up on a few occasions. We had this pipe that was connected to the gas mains. It was unstable and stuck out. We were scared of that because we knew it could kill us.

I found out only a few months ago that Sharon was ok and here family. The worst part is how I found out. My brother was annoying his girlfriend about the girls he has been with and he said her name and I asked how she was. My brother didn't remember her being my friend. Stange thing is that my brother has met several people through my friends including the person he is with now. My brother said she turned into a slapper and that most of the people that I knew had. I still feel so bad about it.

Your honesty and harshness is much apreciated Jersey Girl.

Pirate.

pirate

But then my dad would have probably blew us up first if my mum hadn't let him do what he wanted to her.

What did he do to her, pirate?

I PM'd you. Basically anything he told her to do. If she didn't he was in a mood for days. And would just explode. We has to be really quiet. So we didn't give him an excuse.

It's funny how this turned into something completely different.

Thank You Jersey Girl. You should consider being a therapist. Then I could come talk to you. If your rates aren't too high that is. I think I will get some sleep I might have less of a headache in the morning. I don't know if you have gone off now but I will go soon.