Money Grubbing Women And Professor Tom Leykis

[_Moniker]

So, I talked to my daughters last evening about materialism. I don't consider myself a very materialistic person? I have actually at times felt like I want less, and give it away. Yet, maybe I am and just not am the best judge of it. Anyway, I wanted their take on what they consider important in other people. We've always had the talks that we should be nice to the new kids in the neighborhood or the school regardless of what they wear (a few summers ago my youngest daughter had noticed one girl that had clothes that she had outgrown -- we discussed that she should befriend her -- we actually anonymously donate to this girl at change of seasons), what their home looks like, what kind of car their parents drive, etc... etc... I can't believe that some of my daughter's friends actually do make comments about homes. There is one girl that comes to our house and she reports back to her mother what is in other people's homes.

I talk to some women and they tell me what they bought and how much it cost (that screams TACKY, to me), or what their home was worth (again -- I don't care if you're in San Diego or not -- talking about the equity in your home shrieks TACKY, to me), what income their husband makes, etc...

So, I started thinking about how I want to raise my daughters. It is soooo important, to me, that their confidence comes from within and that they view others worth as actions and deeds -- not monetarily. Is this setting them up for failure in this "dog eat dog world"?

Am I naïve thinking that there are still people that care about who you ARE, not what you look like, what you DO, etc... I can't be the only one! Should I preen my daughters to be gold diggers? I WILL NOT DO IT. Yet, surely I'm not outside the norm, here? Yet, likely I am -- I'm OFTEN startled how other people don't have the same moral conscience I do... Yes, naïve, again?

Then I was on the Tom Leykis site and linked to this article:

http://www.latimes.com/features/books/l ... 751.column

What's happening on spring break beaches isn't just boys being boys and girls going wild. It's young people, women especially, deciding that the way to measure their readiness for the adult world is not in terms of education or emotional maturity but sexual desirability.

The raunchy contests and general debauchery were something that these women had prepared for, almost as though for a final exam. They'd logged hours at the gym, in tanning booths and at body wax salons. They'd save up money for breast implants and then timed the surgery so they'd be healed by spring break. Some seemed to have practiced drinking, experimenting with different alcohol combinations to see what afforded the fastest buzz with the least amount of calories and dollars spent.

One word I heard again and again, oddly, was "confidence." As they psyched themselves up for wet T-shirt contests or debated whether a given guy was worth flirting with, a lot of women told me that they saw spring break as the proving ground for their attractiveness. "If I can be considered hot here, I'll be hot anywhere," a rather morose woman sitting on a bar stool in a bikini and high heels told me. "I'm here to get confident."

That's sad, but it's not exactly irrational given the context (no one was there, after all, to participate in a chess tournament). But the more women I talked to, the more it became clear that hotness was, for them, the largest factor in the equation of their self-worth. When they talked about what they wanted to do with their lives, they spoke not of jobs or grad school but of looking good, of having the right equipment and experience to ensure a place in the raunch-obsessed pop culture they'd come to see as the real world.

So, I read that article and I see this occurring. Their worth is in their looks -- they essentially are selling themselves. Yet, is this truly just preparing them for reality of that "dog eat dog world"? I hope not!

Then I saw a Judge Judy my daughter recorded for me (she saw what it was about and put it on DVR since it was pertinent to our earlier discussion) where a woman dated a man for 10 weeks and "borrowed" a bit over EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS from him. I was shocked! She wasn't ashamed that she'd done it. She TOOK from that man and played him for a fool. He didn't get a bit back! There was about a 20 year difference between them. She slept with him and he paid her rent, he paid for cosmetic surgery for her teeth, bought her a big screen tv, paid for things for her child, etc... She stopped sleeping with him when he said he just didn't want to support her. Then when he cut her off she ended the relationship. Wow! I was shocked. No shame!

So, is this more common than I think? Is it all about equity? Is it all about that shiny new car? Is it all about keeping up with the Joneses? Is it all about the fake tan, the boobs, and the "confidence" of being shallowly beautiful?

Oh, I so hope not.

In interest of disclosure: When my husband and I were separating I went on a buying spree -- It was passive aggressiveness manifesting because he had controlled all of the finances up until that point and I was allowed to make no purchases, at all. So, yes, I spent. It was revenge, and I regret it. I've apologized and was shocked that he then apologized to me saying he was wrong prior and my actions were understandable.

[_GoodK]

This is a must hear:

http://podcast.971freefm.com/klsx1/685436.mp3

[_Mercury]

So, I talked to my daughters last evening about materialism. I don't consider myself a very materialistic person? I have actually at times felt like I want less, and give it away. Yet, maybe I am and just not am the best judge of it. Anyway, I wanted their take on what they consider important in other people. We've always had the talks that we should be nice to the new kids in the neighborhood or the school regardless of what they wear (a few summers ago my youngest daughter had noticed one girl that had clothes that she had outgrown -- we discussed that she should befriend her -- we actually anonymously donate to this girl at change of seasons), what their home looks like, what kind of car their parents drive, etc... etc... I can't believe that some of my daughter's friends actually do make comments about homes. There is one girl that comes to our house and she reports back to her mother what is in other people's homes.

I talk to some women and they tell me what they bought and how much it cost (that screams TACKY, to me), or what their home was worth (again -- I don't care if you're in San Diego or not -- talking about the equity in your home shrieks TACKY, to me), what income their husband makes, etc...

So, I started thinking about how I want to raise my daughters. It is soooo important, to me, that their confidence comes from within and that they view others worth as actions and deeds -- not monetarily. Is this setting them up for failure in this "dog eat dog world"?

Am I naïve thinking that there are still people that care about who you ARE, not what you look like, what you DO, etc... I can't be the only one! Should I preen my daughters to be gold diggers? I WILL NOT DO IT. Yet, surely I'm not outside the norm, here? Yet, likely I am -- I'm OFTEN startled how other people don't have the same moral conscience I do... Yes, naïve, again?

Then I was on the Tom Leykis site and linked to this article:

http://www.latimes.com/features/books/l ... 751.column

What's happening on spring break beaches isn't just boys being boys and girls going wild. It's young people, women especially, deciding that the way to measure their readiness for the adult world is not in terms of education or emotional maturity but sexual desirability.

The raunchy contests and general debauchery were something that these women had prepared for, almost as though for a final exam. They'd logged hours at the gym, in tanning booths and at body wax salons. They'd save up money for breast implants and then timed the surgery so they'd be healed by spring break. Some seemed to have practiced drinking, experimenting with different alcohol combinations to see what afforded the fastest buzz with the least amount of calories and dollars spent.

One word I heard again and again, oddly, was "confidence." As they psyched themselves up for wet T-shirt contests or debated whether a given guy was worth flirting with, a lot of women told me that they saw spring break as the proving ground for their attractiveness. "If I can be considered hot here, I'll be hot anywhere," a rather morose woman sitting on a bar stool in a bikini and high heels told me. "I'm here to get confident."

That's sad, but it's not exactly irrational given the context (no one was there, after all, to participate in a chess tournament). But the more women I talked to, the more it became clear that hotness was, for them, the largest factor in the equation of their self-worth. When they talked about what they wanted to do with their lives, they spoke not of jobs or grad school but of looking good, of having the right equipment and experience to ensure a place in the raunch-obsessed pop culture they'd come to see as the real world.

So, I read that article and I see this occurring. Their worth is in their looks -- they essentially are selling themselves. Yet, is this truly just preparing them for reality of that "dog eat dog world"? I hope not!

Then I saw a Judge Judy my daughter recorded for me (she saw what it was about and put it on DVR since it was pertinent to our earlier discussion) where a woman dated a man for 10 weeks and "borrowed" a bit over EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS from him. I was shocked! She wasn't ashamed that she'd done it. She TOOK from that man and played him for a fool. He didn't get a bit back! There was about a 20 year difference between them. She slept with him and he paid her rent, he paid for cosmetic surgery for her teeth, bought her a big screen tv, paid for things for her child, etc... She stopped sleeping with him when he said he just didn't want to support her. Then when he cut her off she ended the relationship. Wow! I was shocked. No shame!

So, is this more common than I think? Is it all about equity? Is it all about that shiny new car? Is it all about keeping up with the Joneses? Is it all about the fake tan, the boobs, and the "confidence" of being shallowly beautiful?

Oh, I so hope not.

In interest of disclosure: When my husband and I were separating I went on a buying spree -- It was passive aggressiveness manifesting because he had controlled all of the finances up until that point and I was allowed to make no purchases, at all. So, yes, I spent. It was revenge, and I regret it. I've apologized and was shocked that he then apologized to me saying he was wrong prior and my actions were understandable.

The oldest profession is prostitution. The business model for prostitution is what could be known as an abbreviated form of marriage, charged hourly.

[_Dr. Shades]

Moniker, you're one of the good ones. Thank God that women like you exist in the world.

[_GoodK]

Moniker, you're one of the good ones. Thank God that women like you exist in the world.

Amen to that.

[_Moniker]

Thanks, guys. :)

So, GoodK, I listened to the bit about Phil S. -- that song was absolutely insane! It was a combination of horror and amusement, for me. Wow!

Now I'm listening to the 58 year old caller that's a woman. So, I just have to say something 'bout the stereotypes Tom is talking about that he calls reality. He says men work until they're dead and their wives don't care about their professions? There's a female doctor, that I personally know, that works and her husband stays home with the kids. I know plenty of women that actually make more than their spouses do. I also thought more females than males were getting higher educations, lately -- yet, that doesn't always translate to higher pay.

No wonder you and gad are so cynical after listening to his show. It may be true that quite a few women daydream about a rich doctor to marry, or their 5000 sq. ft sparkly home, youthfulness from the needle and surgery for eternity, etc... Yet, that's just not the "reality" I know. I understand that Southern California is quite different, though. I get that. Matter of fact my ex has 2 best male friends that have NEVER been married and they live in So. Cal and they're both almost 40 years old. Another friend was married to a young woman and he shelled out close to $100,000 for their wedding and they were divorced within a year. Others have filed bankruptcy left and right trying to buy women and esteem. Here's my advice: Move.

:)

Now, about young women and what men want. I find that I'm not approached less in my 30's than I was when I was younger. If anything I attract a different kind of attention from many men. I walk across my college campus and young men look, ask me what I'm doing that night (going home to my kids -- sound fun?:). I think this is actually a great age -- I'm just that age where younger men think I have "experience" -- I'm just that age where older men can think I'm still "young". Even if I wasn't I just don't care that much, truthfully. I was happy with my age when I was younger, as well. Hopefully I'll be happy with my age when I'm older too. Maybe I'll care in a few years? I hope not. When I get to the point where my entire worth is equated to the ability to attract men I want to be put down.

I never realized stretch marks were such a big deal? Do men really talk about this? I don't have any, but, it's just some squiggly lines that fade away -- no wonder women feel like crap about it! Guys say women are shallow -- wow, are men really this shallow? Do men really just want a pretty face and nothing underneath? I've gotta tell you I can't be with a man that is not intelligent -- it actually bores me to tears and I am not sexually attracted to them. Guys don't care if the woman they're with is nothing but twitters and smiles? In my experience that's just not the case -- of course I've never been in a man's mind. Perhaps the 3 men I had long terms relationships with did just view me as a piece of fluff? Could be? I know my last one certainly treated me that way -- yet, truthfully it was because he knew I was sharper than him and I intimidated the hell out of him. I think personality has a lot to do with attraction and Prof. Tom acts like this just isn't the case.

Going to finish listening now.

[_Bond...James Bond]

I walk across my college campus and young men look, ask me what I'm doing that night (going home to my kids -- sound fun?:).

LOL...what if one of the men says "sounds like fun"?

I never realized stretch marks were such a big deal?

Not sure how women feel about em, but I hate mine. Probably why I'm so unconfident. :/ (How the freak I got them I'll never know.)

[_Imapiratewasher]

Erm....

Quote:
What's happening on spring break beaches isn't just boys being boys and girls going wild. It's young people, women especially, deciding that the way to measure their readiness for the adult world is not in terms of education or emotional maturity but sexual desirability.

The raunchy contests and general debauchery were something that these women had prepared for, almost as though for a final exam. They'd logged hours at the gym, in tanning booths and at body wax salons. They'd save up money for breast implants and then timed the surgery so they'd be healed by spring break. Some seemed to have practiced drinking, experimenting with different alcohol combinations to see what afforded the fastest buzz with the least amount of calories and dollars spent.

One word I heard again and again, oddly, was "confidence." As they psyched themselves up for wet T-shirt contests or debated whether a given guy was worth flirting with, a lot of women told me that they saw spring break as the proving ground for their attractiveness. "If I can be considered hot here, I'll be hot anywhere," a rather morose woman sitting on a bar stool in a bikini and high heels told me. "I'm here to get confident."

That's sad, but it's not exactly irrational given the context (no one was there, after all, to participate in a chess tournament). But the more women I talked to, the more it became clear that hotness was, for them, the largest factor in the equation of their self-worth. When they talked about what they wanted to do with their lives, they spoke not of jobs or grad school but of looking good, of having the right equipment and experience to ensure a place in the raunch-obsessed pop culture they'd come to see as the real world.

I must live in a totally different world.

[_Imapiratewasher]

Stretch marks are associated with pregnancy. It's an unconscious thing.

[_GoodK]

Thanks, guys. :)

So, GoodK, I listened to the bit about Phil S. -- that song was absolutely insane! It was a combination of horror and amusement, for me. Wow!

I know, huh! I heard the song portion of the show on the radio driving home from work and I immediately tried to find it on Itunes. It's a cool song in really creepy way...

When my little sisters are old enough I think I'll have them listen to the part about women who marry those types of guys.

Now I'm listening to the 58 year old caller that's a woman. So, I just have to say something 'bout the stereotypes Tom is talking about that he calls reality. He says men work until they're dead and their wives don't care about their professions? There's a female doctor, that I personally know, that works and her husband stays home with the kids. I know plenty of women that actually make more than their spouses do. I also thought more females than males were getting higher educations, lately -- yet, that doesn't always translate to higher pay.

I almost married a girl that was nothing like the women Tom describes, so I definitely know that his stereotypes aren't true for everyone, even in So. Cal.

No wonder you and gad are so cynical after listening to his show. It may be true that quite a few women daydream about a rich doctor to marry, or their 5000 sq. ft sparkly home, youthfulness from the needle and surgery for eternity, etc... Yet, that's just not the "reality" I know. I understand that Southern California is quite different, though. I get that. Matter of fact my ex has 2 best male friends that have NEVER been married and they live in So. Cal and they're both almost 40 years old. Another friend was married to a young woman and he shelled out close to $100,000 for their wedding and they were divorced within a year. Others have filed bankruptcy left and right trying to buy women and esteem. Here's my advice: Move.

Where do you suggest? :)

I really don't think I can leave California, I've done it before and missed it too much. When I went to an all boys school in Utah for sophomore and junior year in high school my friend would play Under the Bridge on his guitar in our room and I would always get a little choked up.

Reasons I can't leave California:

1.In-n-out
2. The Beach
3. Hollywood
4. Prop 215

I never realized stretch marks were such a big deal? Do men really talk about this?

Big deal? I don't know, but I am not particularly turned on by them. Men don't typically talk about this, at least me and my friends don't. Our conversations usually go a little like this:

"Dude, she's damned hot."
"Hell ya she is."

We don't typically talk about the minor details, but that's just me.

Do men really just want a pretty face and nothing underneath?

Not just a pretty face. But the face is what makes or breaks it for me, even before I find out what else is underneath..

I've gotta tell you I can't be with a man that is not intelligent -- it actually bores me to tears and I am not sexually attracted to them. Guys don't care if the woman they're with is nothing but twitters and smiles? In my experience that's just not the case -- of course I've never been in a man's mind. Perhaps the 3 men I had long terms relationships with did just view me as a piece of fluff? Could be? I know my last one certainly treated me that way -- yet, truthfully it was because he knew I was sharper than him and I intimidated the hell out of him. I think personality has a lot to do with attraction and Prof. Tom acts like this just isn't the case.

I do care if the woman I am with has no personality. But you have to keep in mind that Tom isn't giving relationship advice. He doesn't advocate relationships, so for those that aren't looking for much more than a f buddy I suppose it doesn't matter what kind of personality the girl has.