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I'm posting this in the main forum for a minute, just so it gets more exposure. I'll move it to off-topic in a bit.

Ok, so as many of you know, I've been divorced from TBM wife for about 2 years now.

Here is some background on our scenario.

Ex is 32 years old, healthy and has a 2 year degree in Dental Assisting.
I am 35, working as an IT manager, and giving her child support and alimony every month.

When we got married, we both decided that I would work while she stayed home to raise the kids. She did work as a dental assistant for the first couple of years of the marriage until our son came, then she gave up her career to raise the kids.

When we got divorced, I couldn't in good conscience just let her fend for herself, so I agreed to pay alimony for the length of time we were married (9 years), or until she could earn $20/hr by herself, or until she got married whichever comes first.

In the 2 years that we have been divorced, she has worked in dead end jobs and has taken no initiative what-so-ever to get into a career. So she is currently unemployed with no prospects except a $10/hr secretary job.

I was just recently award a substantial raise in my job and now she is trying to come to me for more money. I feel like this is just insulting my generosity and if she is going to push the issue, I want to go back to court and have the alimony stripped away.

So, my question, what are the chances that a judge will award me this? Will a judge most likey say to me, "Well, you made the deal. Stick with it!" or would he look at her and say, "Why is he supporting you? It's not his fault that you've done nothing these past 2 years. Go get a f*ing job!"?

Are you talking about child support or Alimony?

Not a lawyer but I believe each state has guidlines about how child support should be calculated.
Alimony is I think dependent on the divorce agreement.

I don't practice in Utah, but typically spousal support isn't necessarily based on the paying spouse's income, but rather on what the receiving spouse needs temporarily to maintain a similar standard of living enjoyed during the marriage while she improves her skills so that she can earn sufficient income. Child support is based purely on parental income and time share.

There's probably a low-cost consultation you can find with an attorney to help you clarify the issues. I can refer you to a classmate in SLC if you want to hire someone (don't know if she's low-cost, but I'd use her if I needed someone). Sometimes it's worthwhile.

Well, the bottom line is there is no certainty when it comes to divorce decrees, modifying them, or the various legal opinions you're going to get from family lawyers and the judges that hear their cases. They're about as solid as the paper they're printed on... So, while we can give you our opinion, the only one that will count will be the adjudicator, whoever that ends up being.

My opinion is this:

She is going to have to show good cause that her current income, to include the money you give her and your children, isn't providing adequately for your children, ie, home, clothes, expsenses, lifestyle... And that an increase will be beneficial for your children.

You're going to have to show good cause that she and the children have adequate monies from you to support their needs, and that any more from you will severely hamper your ability to support yourself reference home, retirement, etc...

She definitely has the upper hand, but you need to hammer away at the point that there is an agreement and you both need to stick to it, and that this issue only came up when she saw an opportunity to get more money from you. Most likely what will happen is that you will end up paying a little more if she can show she needs it to help with your children. If she takes that angle you're in for a tough fight.

Get your lawyer involved, suck up the cost, and good luck to you.

Yes, just the alimony. Obviously there is nothing I can do about the child support.

The only thing that worries me about an attorney is that I'm afraid they are going to tell me what I want to hear just to get the business, regardless of the realities of it.

It might be cheaper just to pay the alimony than a couple of grand on lawyer fees.

Scottie wrote:Yes, just the alimony. Obviously there is nothing I can do about the child support.

The only thing that worries me about an attorney is that I'm afraid they are going to tell me what I want to hear just to get the business, regardless of the realities of it.

It might be cheaper just to pay the alimony than a couple of grand on lawyer fees.

Such cynicism about attorneys! If you get a good referral to an attorney, you should feel comfortable that they're not just trying to get business - some of us do have ethics, you know. ;o)

Besides, you don't necessarily need to hire one to represent you in the case - you can just sit down with one for an hour or so and have them explain the law and what you can expect, and you can take it from there on your own if you'd like. For me, it's better to get a good baseline established - this probably won't be the first increase she comes after, and if the support is set too high now, you'll only be on the hook for even more in the future.

Plus, it may be a good time to get an order from a judge setting what the support should be, and to see if you can get an end date built in, along with some obligations for her to fulfill on the way (i.e., job training, etc.). That can also save some headaches. For a 9 year marriage, support shouldn't go on forever, and she should have a plan to be independent sooner rather than later. Sometimes it takes a judge's foot in a person's ass to get them motivated.

I know people are often reluctant to go to court for these kinds of things, but sometimes it's for the best. And no, I'm not trying to get your business. :o)

You know, you can always take her back to court to end alimony, too. You can show she's sponging off of it, and make your case. This could backfire on her...

antishock8 wrote:You know, you can always take her back to court to end alimony, too. You can show she's sponging off of it, and make your case. This could backfire on her...

Yeah, that was my question. This is what I want to do! It's ridiculous that she is just using me to support her lazy ass and won't put forth one bit of effort to become self-sufficient.

I was just recently award a substantial raise in my job

Gonna be hard to use the "blood from a turnip" argument. I'm with you on this one dude. I believe that by and large the man in a divorce gets a raw deal.

You could always consider moving to a country where women have no rights, but it'd probably be easier to just sit on your own hands so she has no money to take from you. Of course, it'd be cheaper to pay a lawyer.