Trump Defends Lawsuits: “No One Knows More About Fraud Than Me
Andy Borowitz at the New Yorker wrote:Trump Defends Lawsuits: “No One Knows More About Fraud Than Me”
ANDY BOROWITZ NOVEMBER 05, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — Donald J. Trump offered a full-throated defense of his election-related lawsuits on Thursday, arguing, “No one knows more about fraud than me.”
Trump ridiculed television commentators who have dismissed his accusations of election fraud, claiming that he has “much more experience in fraud than all of these beauties put together.”
“People forget that, right when I became President, I settled a twenty-five-million-dollar fraud case against me,” he said. “You can’t beat hands-on experience like that.”
“For my entire life, I have been drenched in fraud,” he said.
Trump said that, when his election lawsuits are argued in court, his special expertise will win the day. “Fraud is my middle name,” he boasted.
There can be a comedic-tragic side to Trump in real life. Imagine if he barricades himself in the White House and has to be forcibly removed and charged with trespassing.
I'm thinking that he might resign and have President Pence issue him a full pardon before fleeing to Odessa for a new life as an immigrant and owner of the Black Sea Trump Tower and Casino.
Media Condemns Biden For Baseless Claim That Nation Will Come Together Once Election Over
NEW YORK—Blasting the former vice president for spreading misinformation at this perilous time for democracy, media figures across the political spectrum condemned Joe Biden Friday for his baseless claim that the nation will come together once the election was over. “Shame on Vice President Biden for perpetuating these baseless conspiracy theories and outright lies about us somehow binding up the nation’s wounds and uniting for the common good behind the ideals of the republic,” said CNN’s Jake Tapper in an extended harangue in which he lambasted Biden for living in a “delusional fantasy” in which the American people had the capacity to put aside their petty differences and look toward the better angels of their nature to forge a more perfect union. “What’s worse is that he uses this rhetoric about peacemaking and civility without a single thought to how dangerous it is to put such ideas into the minds of his followers. Where’s the evidence for this nonsense? There is none. This is America, you don’t just say things like that. Shame on him. This has never happened in 244 years of this country’s existence, and it certainly won’t happen now.” At press time, Tapper had rapidly cut away from a press conference in which Biden described the lofty democratic ideals of the founding fathers in order to call the presidential candidate’s beliefs pathetic.
I'm thinking that he might resign and have President Pence issue him a full pardon before fleeing to Odessa for a new life as an immigrant and owner of the Black Sea Trump Tower and Casino.
Hilarious!
Moshka could definitely give Andy Borowitz a serious challenge for the title of the greatest political satirist on the year!
Moshka, You should apply for Andy Borowitz's job at the New Yorker.
Media Condemns Biden For Baseless Claim That Nation Will Come Together Once Election Over
That was great.
I'm not sure how the country comes together when a third of it voted for a traitor and has no contact with facts. How's that supposed to work?
We aren't talking about people with opposing opinions. We're talking about people with "alternative facts." I don't know about anyone else, but I don't make alliances with people I can't trust.
Religion is for people whose existential fear is greater than their common sense.
I liked this one even better than the parody in your OP!
Last edited by Gunnar on Sat Nov 07, 2020 8:31 pm, edited 2 times in total.
No precept or claim is more suspect or more likely to be false than one that can only be supported by invoking the claim of Divine authority for it--no matter who or what claims such authority.
This is like one of the best things I've ever seen. I say that because it leans heavy towards psych and I absolutely love it. Just an awesome illustration!
LIGHT HAS A NAME
We only get stronger when we are lifting something that is heavier than what we are used to. ~ KF
This whole thread so far has been a great comic relief from recent, ugly reality.
No precept or claim is more suspect or more likely to be false than one that can only be supported by invoking the claim of Divine authority for it--no matter who or what claims such authority.
