doubtingthomas’s topics MEGATHREAD

[doubtingthomas]

If you weren’t at war with yourself, you wouldn’t care what “Some Schmo” says. (I hope you see the irony…) You wouldn’t care what some rando posts on Tik Tok.

I don't, but that doesn't make it okay to demonize older men, just as it's not okay to demonize LGBT or minorities. Would you agree?

Unfortunately, the strategy of labeling older men as predators is working, at least here in the US. Young women are avoiding older men for this reason. I don't understand why it's so difficult for some to grasp that point.

You wouldn’t obsess over this issue for years and years. You aren’t trying to persuade people here of anything. You are trying to persuade you.

I understand it appears that I am obsessed because I talk about similar subjects here. However, I come here to have honest discussions, that's all. I never talk about any of this in real life.

Here's a revelation: Regardless of what society says, young girls DON'T WANT TO DATE YOU.

Not if I go to another country. You see, a lot of the things we do and like are influenced by society. This age thing isn't an issue anywhere else outside the US.

I feel like my opinion is true. Younger people are more willing to explore than perhaps more older already burned people.

That's another issue. A lot of people who are older have a lot of emotional scars and trust issues.

assuming the ratio of men to women is relatively similar, that would imply that either women between 18 and 29 are dating men older than 29 or men are dating multiple women. About two women per male? Right?? I might be wrong.

That's correct. Women still date men who are a few years older. However, society strongly condemns large age gaps when the younger partner (a woman) is under 24. By "large age gaps," I mean differences of at least 10 years.

The comments in this thread makes it sound like you want a very young adult. Not sure if

Not necessarily, what I don't want is society to prevent me from dating a very young adult.

Maybe expand your horizons. You could create a dating site specifically for childless women looking to date. Might not get good press, but it might open your mind to how many women out there don't actually have or want kids.

Great advice. Thank you.

My mum is single and I don't really think she will date again. I hope she does. My mother in law is also alone and I know she won't date again. .

I hope they do.

By 'good women,' I simply mean women who are unlikely to cheat, drink, and aren't very arrogant. And women I am attracted to.

This right here is reason enough to never respond seriously to DT.

You never respond seriously to anyone you strongly disagree with. In your mind, you are never the problem.

[doubtingthomas]

In my early 30s (before marrying my now-ex-wife), I was using an app/website for dating. I went on a date with a woman who was 22, and one with a woman who was 23.

I am sure it was a lot easier ten years ago. Not so much these days.

[Doctor Steuss]

In my early 30s (before marrying my now-ex-wife), I was using an app/website for dating. I went on a date with a woman who was 22, and one with a woman who was 23.

I am sure it was a lot easier ten years ago. Not so much these days.

I don't know. It sure seems like people are seeking out some pretty wide age gaps lately, at least anecdotally, in my neck of the woods. My ex-wife regularly has men in their early 20's hitting on her (so much so, that she still wears her engagement ring often outside of the house, so she can have an easy "no" that she can just point to). I've had a few women make some fairly lewd comments to me, who looked to be not far out of high school (gross) since I've dropped the wedding ring. Mostly at the gym... which is annoying. I wear headphones for a reason... leave me be in my happy place.

ETA. I'm 44 years old. And not a particularly gracefully aged 44.

[doubtingthomas]

My ex-wife regularly has men in their early 20's hitting on her (so much so, that she still wears her engagement ring often outside of the house, so she can have an easy "no" that she can just point to).

Yes, that's a trend. Many lonely young men are hitting on older women because they can't get with someone their own age.

The cougar thing is widely popular right now; it's advertised on adult websites, and I think the majority of young men are indeed hitting on women in their 30s and 40s.

However, I don't think a lot of young women are hitting on older men.

[doubtingthomas]

I've had a few women make some fairly lewd comments to me, who looked to be not far out of high school (gross) since I've dropped the wedding ring. Mostly at the gym... which is annoying. I wear headphones for a reason... leave me be in my happy place.

ETA. I'm 44 years old. And not a particularly gracefully aged 44.

You must look like Chris hemsworth. Or where are you from? Maybe your part of the country is different.

[Imwashingmypirate]

If you weren’t at war with yourself, you wouldn’t care what “Some Schmo” says. (I hope you see the irony…) You wouldn’t care what some rando posts on Tik Tok.

I don't, but that doesn't make it okay to demonize older men, just as it's not okay to demonize LGBT or minorities. Would you agree?

Unfortunately, the strategy of labeling older men as predators is working, at least here in the US. Young women are avoiding older men for this reason. I don't understand why it's so difficult for some to grasp that point.

You wouldn’t obsess over this issue for years and years. You aren’t trying to persuade people here of anything. You are trying to persuade you.

I understand it appears that I am obsessed because I talk about similar subjects here. However, I come here to have honest discussions, that's all. I never talk about any of this in real life.

Here's a revelation: Regardless of what society says, young girls DON'T WANT TO DATE YOU.

Not if I go to another country. You see, a lot of the things we do and like are influenced by society. This age thing isn't an issue anywhere else outside the US.

I feel like my opinion is true. Younger people are more willing to explore than perhaps more older already burned people.

That's another issue. A lot of people who are older have a lot of emotional scars and trust issues.

assuming the ratio of men to women is relatively similar, that would imply that either women between 18 and 29 are dating men older than 29 or men are dating multiple women. About two women per male? Right?? I might be wrong.

That's correct. Women still date men who are a few years older. However, society strongly condemns large age gaps when the younger partner (a woman) is under 24. By "large age gaps," I mean differences of at least 10 years.

The comments in this thread makes it sound like you want a very young adult. Not sure if

Not necessarily, what I don't want is society to prevent me from dating a very young adult.

Maybe expand your horizons. You could create a dating site specifically for childless women looking to date. Might not get good press, but it might open your mind to how many women out there don't actually have or want kids.

Great advice. Thank you.

My mum is single and I don't really think she will date again. I hope she does. My mother in law is also alone and I know she won't date again. .

I hope they do.

By 'good women,' I simply mean women who are unlikely to cheat, drink, and aren't very arrogant. And women I am attracted to.

This right here is reason enough to never respond seriously to DT.

You never respond seriously to anyone you strongly disagree with. In your mind, you are never the problem.

I'm British. So I have no idea what happens in the US....

Generally...

So I would say it's ok for 16 and 17 year olds to date. And maybe 15 year olds if they aren't having sex and are mature. This is one group.

Then I'd say, it's ok for 17 and 18 year olds to date and maybe some innocent 19 year olds. This is another group.

Then I'd say 19 - maybe about 25 is ok. Then 20 to 35. Then 25 to 45.

30 and above can date any age. Then I'd say above 80 shouldn't date below 50.

That's my own personal feelings of how I think I'd feel comfortable.
I'm not sure that makes much sense. I hope it does.

But I'd never speak judgement to actual people. If a 20 year old was dating a 50 year old regardless of gender, I would only briefly wonder if the 50 year old is vulnerable. And maybe vice versa. But that would be their choice and if it was a family member (not including my children because I might find that hard), I'd ask if they were happy and they knew what they were doing and then I'd trust them.

I do genuinely believe though, that below 20 aren't ready to settle. I wrote a post which I removed the other day.
Where I talked about "dating" a 39 year old online when I was 18. So I'm not exactly talking from lack of experience. Not really gonna go into it, I don't think. I think I needed a father figure lol.

[Imwashingmypirate]

My ex-wife regularly has men in their early 20's hitting on her (so much so, that she still wears her engagement ring often outside of the house, so she can have an easy "no" that she can just point to).

Yes, that's a trend. Many lonely young men are hitting on older women because they can't get with someone their own age.

The cougar thing is widely popular right now; it's advertised on adult websites, and I think the majority of young men are indeed hitting on women in their 30s and 40s.

However, I don't think a lot of young women are hitting on older men.

This doesn't compute...

So... 30% of youngish women are single.
60 odd % of youngish males are single. If I recall correctly

Youngish women aren't dating older men or men their own age? So men their age are trending to date older women. So who are all these youngish women dating?

I'm gonna cut you some slack here because I feel like everyone is going around in circles. I think I understand what you are trying to express. Unfortunately, whatever it is that's going on in your world is going on and however things are working out for you is clearly how you are experiencing it. If society is changing these viewpoints of people, and the media is skewing things then what can we do? (I honestly don't think society is your problem, but to you it feels like it is and I can't argue that you are wrong from your perspective but my perspective doesn't agree).

Ultimately, you need to adapt. How your energy resonates in the world needs to be adjusted so that you can find someone who fits what you'd be happy with and who would be happy with you. Your energy is saying it's not possible so it's going to be even harder.

You said in a post that you were planning to go for therapy. Did you do that? They might have insight that we don't have in how to help with this. Perhaps a guide or a good wing man.

My grandad found love in his 80s. She was younger. Some family members felt she was after his money. And she often spoke about her previous husband who was also a lot older and passed away. But hindsight and a little increased wisdom taught me something. Some people would pay not to be lonely. He was in a place alone. His long term partner passed away. We couldn't be there. She could. She spent his money and he enjoyed buying her gifts. Toys mainly. Sparkly things. (She had learning difficulties but wasn't stupid). But I realised, he had money to spend and could spend his money on whatever the heck he liked. And he liked spending it on her.

I totally went on a tangent lol.

I saw you wrote about a good woman not drinking... Does a young woman not drink?

Are you active LDS? I've been reading and replying as if you aren't active in the church?

If you are active LDS and are looking for an active single LDS woman without children then I can actually see where you'd be struggling. I just assumed you are interested in women without taking religion into account.

What about a woman who's children have flown the nest?

I don't really know many women that cheat or have cheated to be honest. The women that have cheated have been cheated on. I have never even considered cheating. Not a single desire to enters my mind. Even when I'm thinking I was a divorce it still doesn't come to my mind. Maybe that's an American thing?

Guys, do the women you know cheat? I'm thinking through my friends and neighbours. I can think of one friend who cheated during a break up. But they were broken up and she told him about it but I don't think that's cheating. He also slept with others during that time but interestingly it was her that was made to feel like she did something wrong.

[doubtingthomas]

Youngish women aren't dating older men or men their own age? So men their age are trending to date older women. So who are all these youngish women dating?

Perhaps they are dating men who are up to five years older, as well as other women, and men who secretly have multiple girlfriends. Women tend to prefer men who are slightly older, as long as the age gap isn't too significant.

Here are the stats
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads ... ricans_01/

https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing ... n-are-not/

I'm gonna cut you some slack here because I feel like everyone is going around in circles. I think I understand what you are trying to express. Unfortunately, whatever it is that's going on in your world is going on and however things are working out for you is clearly how you are experiencing it. If society is changing these viewpoints of people, and the media is skewing things then what can we do? (I honestly don't think society is your problem, but to you it feels like it is and I can't argue that you are wrong from your perspective but my perspective doesn't agree).

True, I don't think it's hard to start a relationship with a woman in her early 20s who was raised in a country outside the US. I think dating is a lot easier in the UK compared to the US.

Ultimately, you need to adapt.

That's very true, unfortunately. It is what it is.

You said in a post that you were planning to go for therapy. Did you do that?

Yes, for a while.

Are you active LDS? I've been reading and replying as if you aren't active in the church?

I don't believe in the LDS church. However, I do live in a religious city, and women here tend to have kids at young ages compared to other cities like New York or San Francisco.

My grandad found love in his 80s. She was younger. Some family members felt she was after his money. And she often spoke about her previous husband who was also a lot older and passed away. But hindsight and a little increased wisdom taught me something. Some people would pay not to be lonely. He was in a place alone. His long term partner passed away. We couldn't be there. She could. She spent his money and he enjoyed buying her gifts. Toys mainly. Sparkly things. (She had learning difficulties but wasn't stupid). But I realised, he had money to spend and could spend his money on whatever the heck he liked. And he liked spending it on her.

I totally went on a tangent lol.

I think that's a good way to look at it. I just hope I don't find love until I am 80. lol

You are trying to persuade you.

So, I am assuming that you won't reply to what I said.

Look at the difference between Imwashingmypirate and all these silly guys. I am glad I get to have a decent conversation with her. It's a waste of time with everyone else.

[doubtingthomas]

Morning Joe: The left doesn't want to "acknowledge that men might be a group in need of assistance"
https://youtu.be/NLiYGUqHEb8?si=BdwIdjCU8RU3EyNs see 8:33

"Men are lost. Here’s a map out of the wilderness"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions ... new-model/

"Of Boys and Men Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do about It"
https://www.brookings.edu/books/of-boys-and-men/

Merged into DT Megathread - cp

[Imwashingmypirate]

Youngish women aren't dating older men or men their own age? So men their age are trending to date older women. So who are all these youngish women dating?

Perhaps they are dating men who are up to five years older, as well as other women, and men who secretly have multiple girlfriends. Women tend to prefer men who are slightly older, as long as the age gap isn't too significant.

Here are the stats
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads ... ricans_01/

https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing ... n-are-not/

I'm gonna cut you some slack here because I feel like everyone is going around in circles. I think I understand what you are trying to express. Unfortunately, whatever it is that's going on in your world is going on and however things are working out for you is clearly how you are experiencing it. If society is changing these viewpoints of people, and the media is skewing things then what can we do? (I honestly don't think society is your problem, but to you it feels like it is and I can't argue that you are wrong from your perspective but my perspective doesn't agree).

True, I don't think it's hard to start a relationship with a woman in her early 20s who was raised in a country outside the US. I think dating is a lot easier in the UK compared to the US.

Ultimately, you need to adapt.

That's very true, unfortunately. It is what it is.

You said in a post that you were planning to go for therapy. Did you do that?

Yes, for a while.

Are you active LDS? I've been reading and replying as if you aren't active in the church?

I don't believe in the LDS church. However, I do live in a religious city, and women here tend to have kids at young ages compared to other cities like New York or San Francisco.

My grandad found love in his 80s. She was younger. Some family members felt she was after his money. And she often spoke about her previous husband who was also a lot older and passed away. But hindsight and a little increased wisdom taught me something. Some people would pay not to be lonely. He was in a place alone. His long term partner passed away. We couldn't be there. She could. She spent his money and he enjoyed buying her gifts. Toys mainly. Sparkly things. (She had learning difficulties but wasn't stupid). But I realised, he had money to spend and could spend his money on whatever the heck he liked. And he liked spending it on her.

I totally went on a tangent lol.

I think that's a good way to look at it. I just hope I don't find love until I am 80. lol

You are trying to persuade you.

So, I am assuming that you won't reply to what I said.

Look at the difference between Imwashingmypirate and all these silly guys. I am glad I get to have a decent conversation with her. It's a waste of time with everyone else.

Maybe you need to move?

I don't really know you and haven't created a mental profile yet. I stopped visiting this board for some years. Mainly because my brain was just overloaded with the kids that I forgot I was a human. So some people I have connections to and a general feeling of who they are and others I'm getting to know for the first time it feels. So I probably ask questions that others already know the answer to to gather an idea of who is who. But I do know people can come across differently to how they really are. So I tend to look at multiple perceptions which might sound like me being contradictory. Actually I do that with most things. I can see most people's perspective even when they disagree.

Was the therapy useful? When I was in therapy I didn't think to talk about relationships. I wish I did. Being a Mormon student I felt pressure to marry the first guy I dated. Which is fine. I'd have married him eventually but it was all rushed because of the pressure. There's an expectation to be married and have babies for LDS women in their early 20s.