OK, so you DO see it as a problem, you do realize this belief in polygamy can harm marriages, you admit if the roles were reversed you would have difficulty, but you don't think it is as big or as serious an issue as do I. Is that about right?
I have discussed polygamy with well over a hundred strong believing women in the church. I have encountered exactly three women (and a handful online), who are OK with polygamy. All three did not like their marriages or sex and would rather not be with their husbands much at all.
I would guess, 90% of women in the church have concerns about polygamy based on my conversations and discussions with strong, believing members of the church.
Some of these women have very serious issues that create difficulties in their relationship, others try not to think about it or hope they will not have to be a part of it but there seems to be a lot of fear and sorrow associated with it.
No I haven't polled every woman in the church, but I have had enough women talk to me about the pain to know it is a problem for many.
Of course most people go throughout their day .... we manage, we cope, and we try not to think about those horrible, sickening things that may lie ahead. Nevertheless, as you yourself acknowledge, the very thought is disturbing.
I hold to the opinion that the belief that a woman is going to have to share her husband and become one of many wives is destructive to a marriage and sexual intimacy. I do not see how it could be otherwise.
~dancer~
Well now we are getting somewhere. 100 women is substantial. And if they are believes and not "liberal" that is even more meaningful for what you propose.
I guess in real time I do not see it as a HUGE hinderence to a geat marriage. THough I will agree I am not a woman and I would hate it in reverse, it makes me ill, which is one of the reasons why I do not like to as it is. DOWN WITH POLYGAMY!!! I am a monogamist through and though and hold to the ideal of no sex outside of marriage and then only with ones spouse and only one of those. THe ideal to me is for both the husband and the wide to have only each other as sexual partners ever unless one dies or they divorce.
Jason wrote:I guess in real time I do not see it as a HUGE hinderence to a geat marriage. THough I will agree I am not a woman and I would hate it in reverse, it makes me ill, which is one of the reasons why I do not like to as it is. DOWN WITH POLYGAMY!!! I am a monogamist through and though and hold to the ideal of no sex outside of marriage and then only with ones spouse and only one of those. THe ideal to me is for both the husband and the wide to have only each other as sexual partners ever unless one dies or they divorce.
I agree 100%.
This is why I agree with Harmony that the Church should discontinue Section 132 from the canon. I personally don't think it was inspired. And, the history of it is REALLY controversial. It was an "add-on" to the original D&C. I think there's always been question about its' validity.
you admit if the roles were reversed you would have difficulty ~dancer~
Haha! Difficulty? Just difficulty!?
My wife and I recently talked about polyandry. She asked how I would deal with her having another husband or two. I explained to her, in a calm manner, that before any consummation could occur with this new suitor, he would most likely encounter an untimely hunting accident.
The truth is, that as men we can dish it out. But role reversal shows just how far fetched the idea of polygamy is when the shoe is placed on the other foot. How on earth does one expect so much testosterone to be held in check in a single household without the spark of jealousy igniting all sorts of chaos? I'm sorry, but no amount of LDS grooming is going to allow several men to cohabitate intimately with one women for any length of time.
Its laughable to think that polygamy ever represented equality.
I think if more guys were honest with themselves they would admit that the idea of their wives sleeping with other men while they were doing the laundry and cleaning up the dishes doesn't sit well with them.
Why these polygamy believing guys think women shouldn't mind it (or just get over it), just baffles me.
Well, actually not really... I think they are so caught up in their own fantasies that they could care less what a woman feels. :-)
~dancer~
"The search for reality is the most dangerous of all undertakings for it destroys the world in which you live." Nisargadatta Maharaj
I am having difficulty imagining the church holding together with that big of a hole created in its foundation.
But then I am having difficulty understanding people remaiining in the church while not believing polygamy is Gods instruction. I suppose it is certainly possible,just falls outside of thought patterns I am comfortable with.
I think if more guys were honest with themselves they would admit that the idea of their wives sleeping with other men while they were doing the laundry and cleaning up the dishes doesn't sit well with them.
Why these polygamy believing guys think women shouldn't mind it (or just get over it), just baffles me.
Well, actually not really... I think they are so caught up in their own fantasies that they could care less what a woman feels. :-)
~dancer~
Well gee I think I said above it would make me ill to think of my wife with another man and I will add brings up rather murderous feelings of rage and so forth. I think polygamy is a horrible thing. It has been the biggest stumbling block in my LDS journey, especially as I found out more about it.
I appologize for not recognizing your feelings on this.
You have mentioned you do not like the idea and I should have acknowledged it.
Sorry about that!
I applaud your stance and believe that any guy who cares at all for his wife would feel similarly.
I have often wondered how LDS men who believe in polygamy get around the teachings of Jesus... do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Ya know?
Unless these guys are thinking it would be cool to have a bunch of men have sex with their wives, while they sit around and clean the house and have sex once a month or so, I'm thinking they are not exactly hearing what Jesus taught!
:-)
Please accept my apologies!
~dancer~
"The search for reality is the most dangerous of all undertakings for it destroys the world in which you live." Nisargadatta Maharaj
So I told my wife about the disusssion here on polygamy and the ideas presented that this doctrine of men possibly or even probably having plural wives in heaven impacts an LDS marriage in many negative ways-emotionally, intimatly, sexually and what did she think about it?
"I do not give it any thought really, I don't think about it much."
"So" says I, "you really never think about it?
"No not really. I am to busy trying to live now and you know I really just am not a deep thinker about this kind of thing."
"Do you think it will happen" I ask.
"I do not know for sure."
Well, wouldn't it bother you if I had 10, or 50 or 100's of other wives that I was making babies with to populate an earth" I say.
"well" she says, " I guess that in the eternaties maybe we will be able to accept and understand these things better."
"The women on the board said you would not talk to me, a man, openly about this" I said.
"No" she said, "I think I would. Let me think about this some more."
So there you have it. She also said it does not bother her in the least that men only have the priesthood and that she does not. I asked her what about her daughters who have to sit in the pew when starting at 12 the boys get more prominence in doing something that really matters in the church. She had not thought much about that either.
Now, in her defense, my wife is a lovely women who joined the CHurch at 22 because she wanted a good strong religion to raise a family in and a man that was religous as well. For her the practical side of the Church is what matters. And she will tell you joining is the best decision she ever made and it had brought her great happiness. But she does not delve into things much. This seems to be her nature.
Jason Bourne wrote:Now, in her defense, my wife is a lovely women who joined the CHurch at 22 because she wanted a good strong religion to raise a family in.....
I wonder how many people feel this way.......they only join a religion because they think it'll help in family raising.
"Whatever appears to be against the Book of Mormon is going to be overturned at some time in the future. So we can be pretty open minded."-charity 3/7/07