I am considering going back to church

[_Seven]

I have seen quite a few posters on various Mormon boards who are now divorced because of the Mormon church.
I have been inactive for a little while now and it's been tougher on me than my TBM DH. I can't handle the bigotry from family and friends anymore. I have had some in laws who believe I have committed spritual infedility and they pity my husband for what I have done. One even asked me if I loved my kids the same way anymore. She also implied that my husband should divorce me because that's what she would do if her husband left the church.

This makes no sense to me why anybody in the church would advise breaking up a marriage over differing religious beliefs. The children will still have the apostate father or mother in their life so it's not protecting the children from choosing another faith.

I read on MAD a while back that "Scottie" is now divorced because his bishop counseled his wife to leave him. I don't know both sides to the story but If I recall correctly, he said it was over his apostacy. I have seen a few posters here who had their marraiges broken up over their disbelief. How common is this? Thankfully, my DH has never said anything to make me fearful of losing our marriage-he has been amazing with all of this compared to how most TBMs react. The fear is there for me despite his understanding. We have future baptisms ahead, I am about to have a baby who will be blessed, my kids remain active, most of my family are TBMs........I feel as if there is no way out of this but to go back and be a part of raising our children with him in this culture. I feel very disconnected right now from everybody I love. I know how they look at me and what they think about my decision. I am to the point where I would rather silently conform and just take the good from the church than reject all of it to stand by my principles. I know some here have been able to do that, like Liz and Harmony. I have never concluded that the church is a complete fraud but there are certain doctrines, policies, and teachings that I believe are not of God. I have been torn over how I can go back & support a church that espouses harmful beliefs but.....
I will not let the church break up my family either. I just wish I could go back and undo what I know about Joseph Smith.

[_sailgirl7]

I have seen quite a few posters on various Mormon boards who are now divorced because of the Mormon church.
I have been inactive for a little while now and it's been tougher on me than my TBM DH. I can't handle the bigotry from family and friends anymore. I have had some in laws who believe I have committed spritual infedility and they pity my husband for what I have done. One even asked me if I loved my kids the same way anymore. She also implied that my husband should divorce me because that's what she would do if her husband left the church.

This makes no sense to me why anybody in the church would advise breaking up a marriage over differing religious beliefs. The children will still have the apostate father or mother in their life so it's not protecting the children from choosing another faith.

I read on MAD a while back that "Scottie" is now divorced because his bishop counseled his wife to leave him. I don't know both sides to the story but If I recall correctly, he said it was over his apostacy. I have seen a few posters here who had their marraiges broken up over their disbelief. How common is this? Thankfully, my DH has never said anything to make me fearful of losing our marriage-he has been amazing with all of this compared to how most TBMs react. The fear is there for me despite his understanding. We have future baptisms ahead, I am about to have a baby who will be blessed, my kids remain active, most of my family are TBMs........I feel as if there is no way out of this but to go back and be a part of raising our children with him in this culture. I feel very disconnected right now from everybody I love. I know how they look at me and what they think about my decision. I am to the point where I would rather silently conform and just take the good from the church than reject all of it to stand by my principles. I know some here have been able to do that, like Liz and Harmony. I have never concluded that the church is a complete fraud but there are certain doctrines, policies, and teachings that I believe are not of God. I have been torn over how I can go back & support a church that espouses harmful beliefs but.....
I will not let the church break up my family either. I just wish I could go back and undo what I know about Joseph Smith.

Seven,

I can relate to what you are saying and going through. I've had the exact same thoughts as well. It's like- you have to ask yourself is it really worth it? Especially when you have so much to lose. I hope you find peace in your life- no matter what happens. You will know what's right and good for you and your family- good luck in your journey.

Sailgirl7

[Guest]

Well Seven,

You cannot undo what you know.

Religion is a threat and danger in virtually all forms. It relies on ignorance and intolerance. It also relies on doctrine which ignores facts and evidence.

Do you want to be a part of that? If so, swallow hard and just say: I believe, I believe, I believe.

Intellectual honesty is also generally not tolerated by religion. Do you want that to be your persona?

To be sure, some religious groups permit more elasticity in perspective than others. Even so, fiction (doctrine) takes precedence over fact. If one is joined to Islam, Buddhism, some version of Christianity, or any other religion, doctrine Trump's fact. It also Trump's intelligent inquiry and rational probe.

Both inquiry and rational probe are a threat to religious doctrine. They both demonstrate that a person, an intellect is at work thinking. I suspect you understand that thinking and expression of doubt is not welcomed by religion.

Recently, Pope Benedict XVI asserted that the Roman Catholic Church (RCC) is the one and only true church. This, in the face of the $650 million judgment against the RCC for sex abuse by the clergy.

Your dilemma has to do with your capacity to pretend you don’t know what you have stated. Can you do that? What’s it worth in personal integrity to be dishonest?

Those are difficult questions, I understand. But your post here strongly suggests that you are torn between honesty and something else both with yourself and with your contacts (family, friends, etc.).

JAK

[_barrelomonkeys]

I have no advice to offer you seven. I just wanted you to know that I'll be thinking of you.

[_Who Knows]

If you live your life trying to measure up to everyone else's expectations, you'll be miserable. But on the other hand, you can't just go 'renegade' on everyone either - you have responsibilities (husband, kids). I'm sure there's a happy medium somewhere.

...i'm still trying to find it...good luck.

(ps - i don't think pretending to believe in the church again is the answer)

[_Mercury]

Don't let them push you around. If you go back your personal feelings on your character might be damaged.

For 2 years after coming to the realization it was a fraud, I attended. It felt like I was in a brainwashing session every time (because I was) and the talks and lessons made me angry and bitter knowing that they were based on lies. Tithing, spiritual submission to an authoritarian cult and damage caused by the mindjob that is Mormonism are the price one pays for giving into the cult.

If your husband and family cannot take you for who you are then they are the ones that need to change.

I feel for you.

[_Blixa]

It's a tough situation to be in. Take your time. Think, talk, post, think some more.

[_Seven]

Thank you everyone all the thoughts and kind words. I admit I have a very thin skin. Much of this is driven by the need to defend my character and stop the judgements. Now that I don't go to church, every thing I say, how my kids act, every move I make, is under scrutiny. It's like they are all waiting for me to be stricken with a terrible disease as a punishment or for something horrible to happen. Now they believe my kids will all turn out terrible. If my husband left me, they would support him! It's madness. Nothing about my character has changed. I follow even the same LDS lifestyle I always did, except I don't go to church. I even sing Primary songs to my kids still. (basic ones about Jesus-no Prophet or church worshiping ones) My inlaws all think my marriage will fall apart now. My MIL has even told me that people who don't go to church don't love Jesus and will destroy their family.

They look for things wrong with me. Right when I came out of the closet about my beliefs, suddenly they claimed I had lost the spirit. My countenance was not the same. I even had one person tell me they could feel the darkness around me now. What's funny is that some EVs that met me at work during the same time I had left the church told me how much I radiated the spirit and they could tell I was a Christian by my countenance. I have had a few different times where strangers have told me this.

Even if I do go back, I will never pretend to be a TBM or proclaim certain things. I will not get up and share a testimony about how great Joseph Smith was and I will never sing "Praise to the Man" or "Follow the Prophet." It will be very tough to go back, but dealing with family and friends is much harder for me at this point.

Maybe I can teach Gospel Doctrine when I go back or a church history class ;) Seriously though, I will try to make something good of this if I go back and I won't allow myths to continue when I hear them.

It's comforting to know that there are other disillusioned members that are active and make it work somehow.
Everytime I find out somebody has said something cruel about me for my inactivity I am upset for days. I told my husband I would rather pretend to be one of them than deal with this any longer. I don't know how Jehova Witnesses leave their faith. They have it worse than me.

[_Bond...James Bond]

Seven,

Mind if I move this thread to the Terrestial Kingdom? -Bond

[_Seven]

Seven,

Mind if I move this thread to the Terrestial Kingdom? -Bond

I don't mind. Thanks Bond. :)