Mormon Discussions and Covenants

[_lostindc]

incredible thread, cannot believe I missed this

[_Bret Ripley]

Damn. And my "German Expressionism" costume was such a big hit in grad school!

Guess I'll have to go with "Nature Red in Tooth and Claw," or "The Rosy-Fingered Oxford Don."

One year I was going to dress up as My Solipsism. But then I thought: Hey -- who am I trying to impress?

[_SteelHead]

Damn. And my "German Expressionism" costume was such a big hit in grad school!

Guess I'll have to go with "Nature Red in Tooth and Claw," or "The Rosy-Fingered Oxford Don."

One year I was going to dress up as My Solipsism. But then I thought: Hey -- who am I trying to impress?

+100 for a razor sharp wit.

[_Blixa]

One year I was going to dress up as My Solipsism. But then I thought: Hey -- who am I trying to impress?

+100 for a razor sharp wit.

Add a few more +'s there, too.

[_Fence Sitter]

I live in So Cal. At my ward Halloween costume party I'll be wearing a sandwich board sign that says "Vote Obama" on both sides. Guaranteed to win the scariest costume prize.

[_Blixa]

I live in So Cal. At my ward Halloween costume party I'll be wearing a sandwich board sign that says "Vote Obama" on both sides. Guaranteed to win the scariest costume prize.

Lol.

[_Bond James Bond]

I live in So Cal. At my ward Halloween costume party I'll be wearing a sandwich board sign that says "Vote Obama" on both sides. Guaranteed to win the scariest costume prize.

I think wearing the same sandwich board in suburban Kentucky would be worse.

[Guest]

Section 152

Revelation given to Mormon Discussions 25 October 2012. Many members of the Lord's message board were very concerned about Halloween and the forthcoming presidential election (in that order of importance). The Lord's bowels were moved with compassion, while His liver was filled with pathos, and His endocrine system was filled with mercy. In order to reassure the board that their prayers were heard, the Lord gave the following revelation.

1-4, miscellaneous metaphors about what the Lord is like unto; 5-12, the connection between bananas and a prime mover; 13-18, the Lord's intentions for America and what you can do about them; 19-23, the Lord's body is saying let go, but His heart is saying no; 24-27, famous Lees of history; 28-30, some board members cry at chick flicks, some get scared by horror films; 31-33, the Lord has seen things you people wouldn't believe.

1. Behold, I am the Lord; give heed to my word, which is slow and cumbersome, heavier than a steam roller, to the flattening of both joints and marrow,
2. I am your advocate with the Father; I am he who fights against darkness,
3. Shooting at the walls of heartache (bang bang), I am the warrior,
4. Yea, I am the warrior, and heart to heart ye shall win, if ye survive,
5. For verily, I have seen the questions that the members of this, my board, continue to ponder,
6. And my eye, yea, my pure eye, seeth that Chap and Tarski remain skeptical about the existence of a prime mover, and also whether that prime mover would be me, the Lord,
7. Behold, I am right here, you know. Is it not kind of rude to talk about someone in that wise, right in front of them? For if there is no Lord, then whence come these revelations? Yea, who inspired the construction of the holy City Creek Center, if it was not me?
8. Ye are like unto those who question the validity of how bananas prove that I, the Lord, am God,
9. For it is true that man cultivated the domestic banana to have the characteristics that it does, but I created man to till the soil,
10. Wherefore, since I, the Lord, created man, and I commanded man to till and take care of Jah-oh-eh (which, being interpreted, meaneth the earth), and man did use all manner of horticulture to develop the domestic banana, the argument remaineth valid to shew that intelligent design is a good idea,
11. And the bananas of the earth shall confound the wise, and bring their learning to naught,
12. But behold, there is more that I, the Lord, could tell thee, that thou mayest understand the origins of all things, but it would destroy thy free agency to know it; wherefore, it is not meet that I should tell thee much of anything,
13. Nevertheless, I give unto them that ask me,
14. Sometimes,
15. And some of ye have cried out unto me, saying, Who is it, Lord? Whom should I vote for to be President of the United States?
16. Behold, I, the Lord, did establish the United States, that it may never be vanquished by its enemies, that it may be a democracy, and that all men shall have freedom to worship me as seemeth right to them,
16. And I did this so that I, the Lord, may return in the last days, to conquer the world by force, and I will personally reign in America as king over a worldwide theocracy,
17. Or in other words, I, the Lord, am trolling this nation,
18. And since I, the Lord, established this nation to bring about the last days, the sign I will give unto you is that whosoever is elected President, it shall be that man most able to hasten the end of the world,
19. Wherefore, be righteous, and keep my commandments, that ye may be with me when the end cometh,
20. And if thou wantest to be with me, yea, there is a price to pay,
21. For I am like unto a genie in a bottle, and thou must rub me the right way,
22. And again, if thou wantest to be with me, I, the Lord, can make thy wish come true,
23. But thou must make a big impression, and I, the Lord, must like what thou doest,
24. And now I speak unto my servant Harold Lee, who has come to this, my message board, to seek me out,
25. For there are many named Lee who have sought me out,
26. Robert E. Lee, Harold B. Lee, George P. Lee, Bruce Lee, Lee Ann Rimes, Spike Lee, Lee Van Cleef,
27. Be careful with that name, is what I, the Lord, am saying, for there are many that are named Lee, but some that do not turn out well,
28. For I, the Lord, know the secrets of all your hearts, and I reward openly them that seek me in secret,
29. And unto my servant Sethpayne, I have heard thy prayers, and I, the Lord, promise not to tell anyone that thou cried while watching "Hope Floats" on thy television the other night,
30. And unto my handmaiden madeleine, verily, I, the Lord, did hear thy frantic crying out unto me for hours, and maybe next time thou wilt not stay up all night watching all manner of scary movies, that thou feelest compelled to ask me, the Lord, not to let there be anything coming up the stairs when thy house doth creak,
31. And remember, remember, ye people of my board, that I, the Lord, see all things,
32. Yea, I have seen things ye people would not believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate.
33. And behold, all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Amen.

[_cwald]

Man, that is some funny crap. And I'm not stoned...maybe drunk?

[_Harold Lee]

Wow, thanks Mormon Jesus!

But why'd you stop making your videos?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xkp4G7Z3 ... ure=relmfu