The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

[_Jersey Girl]

Oh good. Now all the dysfunctional eggs are in one basket....

That was a novel thread combination but i certainly see the argument.

omg

[_Gadianton]

I like younger adult women and I hope to date some before it is too late. My time in running out. I am attracted to younger adult women and women much (20+) older me. I don't know why, but it is not a choice. For some reason I am not very attracted to women my age. I have all the time in the world for older women, but not for younger women between 18 and 22.

So it's an attraction/fantasy thing? A little bit of the forbidden?

your lack of experience is a problem (only given your tendency to focus), but not for the reason you think it is. The problem is, you don't realize that sex isn't that big of a deal. So, once you find that 18 year old who lets you get on with it, then what?

You're thinking: whatever it takes to secure a regular "schedule", you're prepared to do it.

But, that's the you in "it's a big deal" mode thinking. Once you get it, and it's not a big deal, the cost of going shopping, listening to problems, dealing with family, and the list goes on, is going to totally not be your thing -- that's just my guess. I mean, if you did get a young fiery chick, by the time you've recovered from all the financial problems and whatever else, your needs will change.

You've taken all these psychological studies out of context. That study you cherry-picked about having an attractive younger girl is healthier, to the extent it's true, it's also holding the other variables constant. The study (I'm sure) didn't say everything depends on that variable. Plus, you read into it that it's all about sex. I doubt it. there's a psychological dimension to being with someone significantly more or less attractive than you. It's also probably true that two people who are good with money have a better chance than two people who are horrible with money. That doesn't mean that being good with money will make a relationship. You see what I mean?

There was this guy who used to post here who was very bright, late 40s or 50s, no experience with women, no job, I believe living in motels (and eventually homeless) a great writer and he could write novels on why he was a loser and how women were repulsed by him. But he had very strict standards, he was only attracted to very young and very pretty girls. He would speak in very demeaning ways about women generally, and in particular about women who were overweight etc. He had a clear understanding of his double standard but it made no difference.

So you be the psychologist for a moment, DT: Imagine this guy, middle-aged, overweight and bad hygiene, no job and his biggest obsession in life is to get with a pretty young skinny girl. When he tells you his main problem in life is that he needs a young girl, do you take his word for it?

[_DoubtingThomas]

You aren't owed ____.

I completely agree, but relationships are a human need. You need it just like you need food and water. When I am hungry (or starving) nobody has to give me ____.

You are supposed to find a therapist and/or life coach who can help you with your chronic self-defeating attitude.

I have to find a health insurance first. I can't pay for a good therapist without insurance. I think I am only going to do online therapy.

The problem is, you don't realize that sex isn't that big of a deal.

It is when you realize that there is probably no life after death. I simply want to enjoy life. There are health benefits for having sex so it is medically a big deal.

So, once you find that 18 year old who lets you get on with it, then what?

I don't know, but my chance of getting an STD would be very low. I wouldn't have to worry.

That doesn't mean that being good with money will make a relationship. You see what I mean?

Yes.

So you be the psychologist for a moment, DT: Imagine this guy, middle-aged, overweight and bad hygiene, no job and his biggest obsession in life is to get with a pretty young skinny girl. When he tells you his main problem in life is that he needs a young girl, do you take his word for it?

He obviously has other problems. What problems do I have that I need to fix first? Why am I the problem?

[_canpakes]

Why am I the problem?

What would the alternative notion be?

[_Lemmie]

Why am I the problem?

Asked and answered, dude, asked and answered. About a dozen times in this creepy thread alone.

[_Xenophon]

You aren't owed ____.

I completely agree, but relationships are a human need. You need it just like you need food and water. When I am hungry (or starving) nobody has to give me ____.

I agree that forming bonds with people is really important to the human experience, but frankly that isn't even close to what you have described as wanting in this thread. Sex ≠ Connection, particularly in the way that you have framed it in this and other threads.

The problem with your analogy is that you are basically stating sex is equivalent to food, and that just isn't remotely accurate. Also, it is quite disingenuous to suggest it is akin to letting you "starve" just because you won't develop yourself in the necessary ways to build connections with people.

[Guest]

The problem with your analogy is that you are basically stating sex is equivalent to food, and that just isn't remotely accurate.

I don't know about the lack of sex, but loneliness can kill you. I need both sex and a romantic relationship, but like you said, "You aren't owed ____" which is true and my life really sucks.

https://www.webmd.com/balance/news/2018 ... ealth-risk

Sex ≠ Connection

I completely agree, but sex is still a human need. It has many health benefits and you can really enjoy it. I need sex because my time is running out. "Delaying sexual activity may “create health risks""

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-virg ... 7220071204

What would the alternative notion be?

Well. I use dating apps and nobody answers back. I am not really sure why I am the problem. I am not telling women "Hey you want to have sex with me?". I am just a human being.

Asked and answered, dude, asked and answered. About a dozen times in this creepy thread alone.

It is not creepy woman and you need help.

[_Jersey Girl]

I completely agree, but sex is still a human need. It has many health benefits and you can really enjoy it. I need sex because my time is running out. "Delaying sexual activity may “create health risks""

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-virg ... 7220071204

It is devastating for me.

Devastating?

[_Jersey Girl]

Chorus to DT: You need to see a therapist.

I don't have time.
I don't have time to drive hundreds of miles.
I have to find the right secular therapist.

Now 1.5 years later he comes up with this:

I have to find a health insurance first. I can't pay for a good therapist without insurance. I think I am only going to do online therapy.

If you didn't have health insurance all this time, you should have said so instead of dicking around with folks for 1.5 years.

You really are dysfunctional, buddy.

[_canpakes]

Jersey Girl - This certainly feels like a replay of ldsfaqs and your efforts to get him on track with CPAP use.