The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

[_Jersey Girl]

Yeah, I bet if you roll over to Psychology Today you can find that study where researchers tried to determine what percentage of Jersey Girl's use the word ____, how frequently and what prompts it.

Conclusion: Hell, we don't know. Just don't piss them off!

We should study your psychology and behaviour Jersey Girl. Can you answer some questions for me? Just kidding!

You could study my psychology and behavior. You could characterize me as INFJ on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, Idealist on the Kiersey Temperament Sorter and you still wouldn't have a full picture of who I am.

Because you can't generalize the whole of who a person is that way. And who I am doesn't tell you who the other person is.

And that, my friend, is why all those studies and articles you pay attention to can't really help you create a relationship.

[_Jersey Girl]

Tell me how has 2020 been much friendlier?

Well, I did get to meet some new people and I went out on a date with a girl. So there is some progress.

Edit: I did go out with two girls, just as friends.

Are you trying to maintain those two new friendly relationships?

[_DoubtingThomas]

Are you trying to maintain those two new friendly relationships?

Yes. Good night Jersey Girl. Thank you!

[_Jersey Girl]

Are you trying to maintain those two new friendly relationships?

Yes. Good night Jersey Girl. Thank you!

You're welcome!

[_Lemmie]

Please can he just stop talking to this board as though everyone here is a man and he is discussing with you all these things called women?

This is my board too and no, I don’t consider it acceptable to just leave sexism like that alone. Leaving it standing and uncommented on normalizes it and minimizes the women who read here. It creates a negative environment. Shades has done his best by putting all DT’s sexism into one mega post, but DT does not respect that request to keep his bigotry there, and he continues to start threads that spread that atmosphere around. Setting up an atmosphere like that in a space like this that denigrates a specific group is hurtful, and deserves pushback. Always. Accommodating him, or even helping him get along in life is noble, but doing it by allowing sexist stuff like that to stand is not a solution.

I think your post raises a number of good points, not least of which being it's true most of us seem to being reading and responding to DT through the male periscope while ignoring the female view. In fact, I hadn't thought about it before you raised it here, but now that you say it and I reflect on my own participation it seems obvious.

I tend to favor this board because of the open and often higher level discussions than what one finds on the web in open forums. It's an unusual place. So I appreciate both the right to respond to DT as one sees fit, and to assert motives for doing so that others might dislike. I'm not sure how one inherently goes about expanding one's own view without others calling attention to how they see things. So, in a word, thanks.

Thank you for seeing my point. And yes, I agree it’s an unusual place, and in a very good way.

[_Lemmie]

...and as Lemmie said, it's important to her to identify and call out sexist remarks because to turn a blind eye to it makes it somehow acceptable and ultimately normalizes it....

Thanks for re-stating that, Jersey Girl, you said it better than I did!

[_I have a question]

You seem to have neglected to post a reference to the data or report from which you've pulled that assertion. Please can you cite your data?

According to the study 10% of 16 year old girls had a relationship with someone "at least three years" older. The study is really disturbing, but it makes me assume that many 17 year olds date guys over 20, it is obvious.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18318868

Another study.
16-17 year old women, "29% a partner who was 3-5 years older, and 7% a partner who was six or more years older."
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10435214

Your stated references do not support your statement “Many men in their early 20s do date 16-17 year olds, it is more common than you think, especially with minorities and Mexicans.”
The first reference is about having sex, not dating. Do you understand the difference?
It also concludes “ CONCLUSION:
Although the proportion of 15-17-year-old women who have a much older partner is small” (“small” isn’t a synonym of “many” or “common”).

The second reference is also about having sex, not dating.

Researchers have examined the age of partners of young women at first intercourse and of young women who have given birth, but little is known about the age of partners of young women in current sexual relationships or young women who have had an abortion.

I cannot find support within those studies for your claim that it is especially prevalent within minorities and Mexicans.
Please quote the parts that support your assertion.

[_Morley]

I cannot find support within those studies for your claim that it is especially prevalent within minorities and Mexicans.
Please quote the parts that support your assertion.

Thank you for calling out this racist BS, IHAQ.

[_EAllusion]

If DT were Mexican-American himself, you might instead interpret his claim as attempting to argue that it is a more culturally normal thing for people like himself. This would be weird if he wasn't attempting to defend a personal desire to have sexual relationships with teenagers.

[_Jersey Girl]

I understand Jersey Girl, but in real life I am not the problem. The problem is that I don't have real friends. I did try to do what suggested, but it is not easy to find a club or something, and not right now. I admit I haven't done community service.

You must have an astronomical society that has a Facebook group to join. Ours is doing a virtual happy hour on Friday. There's stuff like that you can get into right now, sort of meet a few folks online and when this virus mess is over--go join them in person.

As to the community service. Sure, that's hard right now but not impossible. Our community has it's own Facebook group. You probably have one in your area. Let's say you live in an apartment complex. You could start a Facebook group for the apartments so folks could communicate their needs and others could try to meet those needs. Or reach out to folks if you have Nextdoor.

See you said that stuff to the wrong person! Keep reading...

You seem to be pretty good at tech stuff. You could help the older folks figure out how to do online banking, how to set up a patient portal with their doc and use it, how to order groceries online--that sort of thing. Around here we've got younger folks offering to pick up grocery orders for people who are high risk and dropping them at their door step.

In my gardeners group, people were offering to bring me seeds to keep me out of Lowes when I had only posted asking how the store traffic was right now. You could get on your local Facebook community page if you have one and offer to go pick up seeds/plants for people at risk so they don't have to go inside stores. See if there is some disabled folk who need help getting the garden started or a bit of yard clean up because they are separated from their families who usually give them a hand right now.

"Hello everyone! If you are at high risk and can't get to the stores, I'd be happy to pick up your garden seeds and plants curbside orders, and deliver them to your door step. You buy, I'll fly! " Let them pre-order/pay for what they can so they don't think you're after their cash--because that's been done with grocery orders. Then you do the curbside pick up for them. If they want to pick out their own stuff...you go in the store with your cell phone and show them what's there with the camera.

If you have a certain neighbor or two that you know you can help out, just concentrate on that person or persons.

We have one particular restaurant that is donating pizza to essential workers, hospital staff, fire department, paramedics. If you have an outstanding place in your area...toss them some money to put back in their pockets or be sure to give them your paid business.

Pick something or come up with your own idea and do it. If you yourself are at risk, it's still not impossible to help out. I confess this is the first time ever in my life that I haven't been able to go out into the community and actually help people in a hands on way, because I'm in an at risk category. First time ever that I had to tell myself ---->"You can't do that". :confused:

So I try to help out folks in other ways from a distance. Like today someone had put up an announcement to the local group. Another person wanted to know how to share it so I told her to copy the text, take it to her own Facebook pick out a background if she wanted it and just paste in the text. Also how to copy/share a screen shot. There's all kinds of things you can do for folks if you care to tune in.