Two paths

[Gadianton]

Is he very charismatic?

not at all. He comes across as a buffoon. There's not a single personality formula. Back in the day, I did my best during the most unhinged time of my life. There are niche markets out there. The main point though wasn't about niche markets, but the numbers game and the level of effort he's put into it.

[Gadianton]

This is a head scratcher. Why would a younger never-married woman get involved with an old head with a spotty track record? I mean, if that’s her choice then more power to her, but I don’t really get it unless she wants kids immediately and he’s down to clown. It’s just, what would make him a good father candidate given his history? This reminds me of the times when I was stationed in the South and you’d see these absolute smoke shows with bubbas, and it was always a bit confusing. Perhaps there’s a cultural connection we’re discounting?

Part of the answer is that algorithms and what makes sense on paper don't always work and sometimes people just click. Yes, I'm sure cultural connection is a factor. He's not MAGA per se, but a right-wing fanatic for sure and dates exclusively LDS conservatives. He also has a deep love for the gospel and is a student of the mysteries. I'm sure he bears his testimony on dates and that's all totally sincere. He has this buffoonish sense of humor and I think there is a niche for that.

[doubtingthomas]

Is he very charismatic?

not at all. He comes across as a buffoon. There's not a single personality formula. Back in the day, I did my best during the most unhinged time of my life. There are niche markets out there. The main point though wasn't about niche markets, but the numbers game and the level of effort he's put into it.

I see, it's interesting.

[Chap]

Arrrrr, you be right there shipmate!

Same question for you. Why should the "things in common" always have to be about socioeconomics?

They don't. But Dr Steuss's post, on which I commented, was made with reference to your query about why people with successful careers 'needed' partners in a similar position in life. And, as Dr Steuss and I pointed out, similar socio-economic status is certainly one of the things that makes it more likely that two people will find life with one another congenial.

[Dr. Shades]

I can attract Mexican girls in their early 20s and LDS girls.

Then why aren't you doing so? Why are you wasting so many keystrokes discussing women whom you can't attract?

[Hawkeye]

Is he very charismatic?

not at all. He comes across as a buffoon. There's not a single personality formula. Back in the day, I did my best during the most unhinged time of my life. There are niche markets out there. The main point though wasn't about niche markets, but the numbers game and the level of effort he's put into it.

And the amount of time and energy he manages to put into it certainly makes a difference. I had very little time or energy to put into relationships when I was building my career. I regret passing on one girl. 5'11", blue eyes, and she was into me as well, but she wasn't interested in marriage until I started making money. And she took up a lot of my time, too much for me to get my work done. We agreed to date other people and I never had a girlfriend who checked off all the boxes again until I got married at least 7 years later.

[Vēritās]

Doubting Thomas you probably have a better chance attracting a younger woman now than when you were in college. And women don't care how you look. They care about how secure your finances are which usually favors older more established men.

Take a trip to Latin America and announce that you're available. Flash your credit card and you'll find more interested and attractive women than you can count.

Says the guy who's never left the country.

[Vēritās]

blue eyes

She got that pure white gene huh? Box checked.

[Doctor Steuss]

This is going to be long, and I don’t begrudge you if you (or anyone else) just passes by it. The gist of it though is that women are just like men. You can somewhat generalize and stereotype what they “want,” but every woman just like every man, are ultimately individuals with individual preferences, wants, and needs.

There are things that are hardwired to an extent, like aesthetics (bust to waist to hip ratio, facial symmetry, musculature, fitness, ability to provide, etc.), but even those are not hard-and-fast for every individual (woman, or man), and often change with societal norms.

There are things that we should all strive to change so that we can be better citizens of the world, be better friends, and to help progress society and individuals in ways that leave everything little better off. But if you are searching to stereotype what your prospective partner pool may “want” to superficially mimic those things, you will inevitably likely be miserable.

Anecdotally, my wife thinks John Goodman is one of the sexiest people on the planet. Alan Cumming is neck-in-neck. If you were to survey 100 women, I very much doubt you’d get a solid majority who agreed. I don’t look like Alan Cumming or John Goodman, but she was still attracted to me (*shrug*).

Mormons tend to marry Mormons. Jewish people tend to marry Jewish people. Black Americans tend to marry black Americans. Italian Americans tend to marry Italian Americans. Cuban Americans (at least first/second generation) tend to marry Cuban Americans. These cultural, religious, or ethnic identities also often accompany shared societal experiences and views, morals, familial ties, etc. Many people are drawn to what is familiar and comfortable.

People often seek out people with shared experiences, outlooks, goals, interests, hobbies and traditions. Like all things involving people (male or female), these aren’t monolithic. Many Mormons don’t marry Mormons. Many Jewish people don’t marry Jewish people, and so on…

As Gad illustrated with his friend, there’s ultimately someone for everyone. I have a few friends that are professional musicians. Some of those are “professional” musicians in every sense of the word. Some of them are “professional” only to the extent of it being their profession. One of my friends is solidly in that latter category. He’s pretty much a mess. He’s always in debt, borrowing money. He’s constantly sleeping on whoever’s couch will allow it. This isn’t from a lack of income -- his fellow bandmates have beautiful homes, money to throw at passion projects, etc. (each of them makes a solid 6-figure income, and from their beginnings 20 years ago, they have always done exceptionally well). He’s also not conventionally attractive, is overweight, and is extremely eccentric. All that said, he has dated women that one would stereotypically think wouldn’t date someone like him. He’s dated some stunningly beautiful women. He dated a successful lawyer for a while. He’s dated women across the gamut. The one quality that he has in spades is that he is pathologically outgoing, will talk to anyone, and has a way of making anyone he talks to feel like they are the most important person to him in that moment. So, to an extent, it’s a numbers game of him talking to so many women, he inevitably finds those women who find the wonderful qualities he has more attractive than the stereotypical qualities he doesn’t have that one associates with attraction.

Women are all complex individuals. Men are all complex individuals. It’s about acknowledging and appreciating the individualism and finding those who have the qualities you’re looking for who are also looking for the qualities you have -- all while also doing your best to not be a dick. Many times, you’ll likely find that this journey leads you to forming relationships with people who are vastly different than the type of people you imagined you’d associate with. Often, finding yourself in the company of friends and/or romantic partners who leave you wondering how you ever became so lucky (and occasionally finding yourself in the company of people who make you wonder what the hell you were thinking).

Being stereotyped into a monolithic group of “x want y,” and “b need c” usually sucks. We should all strive to try to not do it to others.

[Res Ipsa]

Wise words, Steuss. DT, read the post 1x per day until you understand it — not intellectually, but deep in your gut.