Two paths

[Marcus]

We don’t deserve you, Dr. Steuss, but we are lucky beyond belief that we have you here.

Thank you for your post.

[Hawkeye]

Doubting Thomas you probably have a better chance attracting a younger woman now than when you were in college. And women don't care how you look. They care about how secure your finances are which usually favors older more established men.

Take a trip to Latin America and announce that you're available. Flash your credit card and you'll find more interested and attractive women than you can count.

Says the guy who's never left the country.

Not only false but irrelevant as well given the number of Latinas now in the US illegally. You don't have to go to Latin America to experience latin culture anymore. You just need to cross the train tracks. I probably speak more spanish now than when I was in Colombia.

[Vēritās]

Says the guy who's never left the country.

Not only false but irrelevant as well given the number of Latinas now in the US illegally. You don't have to go to Latin America to experience latin culture anymore. You just need to cross the train tracks. I probably speak more spanish now than when I was in Colombia.

It isn't "latin culture" to cling to a rich American. That's just a myth idiot racists make up. You can find women born in America just as easily who are willing to cling to a man with money, but Latinas just tend to be more physically attractive and you hate them because they want nothing to do with you.

Have you ever walked through a Walmart in the South? White, single, well overweight mothers who are dealing with kids their fathers abandoned, finding it economically easier for them to just marry a Mexican guy who is going to work every week and support the family. That happens a hell of a lot more than some latina hottie hooking up with much older rich white guy.

[doubtingthomas]

Then why aren't you doing so?

I will in the near future.

Why are you wasting so many keystrokes discussing women whom you can't attract?

A little bit of resentment.

[doubtingthomas]

This is going to be long, and I don’t begrudge you if you (or anyone else) just passes by it. The gist of it though is that women are just like men. You can somewhat generalize and stereotype what they “want,” but every woman just like every man, are ultimately individuals with individual preferences, wants, and needs.

Some educated women are very nice and are willing to date men who are less educated than them. I am open to the possibility of dating a very educated woman, even one who is a bit older than me.

Women are all complex individuals. Men are all complex individuals. It’s about acknowledging and appreciating the individualism and finding those who have the qualities you’re looking for who are also looking for the qualities you have -- all while also doing your best to not be a dick. Many times, you’ll likely find that this journey leads you to forming relationships with people who are vastly different than the type of people you imagined you’d associate with. Often, finding yourself in the company of friends and/or romantic partners who leave you wondering how you ever became so lucky (and occasionally finding yourself in the company of people who make you wonder what the hell you were thinking).

Being stereotyped into a monolithic group of “x want y,” and “b need c” usually sucks. We should all strive to try to not do it to others.

I understand.

[canpakes]

This is going to be long, …

… on wisdom.

Nicely done, Stu - thank you!

[Morley]

We don’t deserve you, Dr. Steuss, but we are lucky beyond belief that we have you here.

Absolutely.

[Dr. Shades]

Wise words, Steuss. DT, read the post 1x per day until you understand it — not intellectually, but deep in your gut.

I wholeheartedly agree with Res Ipsa, doubtingthomas. You truly NEED to read Doctor Steuss's post once per day until it has become integrated into your mind and soul.

Why are you wasting so many keystrokes discussing women whom you can't attract?

A little bit of resentment.

Okay, I get that. . . somewhat. But being resentful is a trait that tends to close doors with the opposite sex rather than open them. So, would you like to overcome your resentment? If so, let me tell you my experience: Considering my age, looks, career, income, and educational level, I have very, very little chance of attracting MANY . . . or, much more likely, most . . . of the single women on this earth. (There may be exceptions, like what happened to Father Francis, but I'll follow your lead and go by the law of averages.) Now, I could allow myself to be resentful, like you are a little bit, of all the categories of women who statistically won't be attracted to me, but then I remind myself of a VERY important fact: There are various traits that some women have that will statistically preclude me from being attracted to THEM, too. As a matter of fact, I have enough deal-breakers that a great many of the single women on this earth won't be attractI V E to me, just like different subsets of them won't be attractE D to me, either.

So, please tell us: Are there, or are there not, generalized categories of women to whom you are flat-out NOT attracted, just the same way educated career women statistically won't be attracted to you? If so, how is that any more or less fair than what you've been complaining about here? And do the women in your deal-breaker category have just as much of a right to be resentful as you? If so, is that rational or irrational?

A second thing that destroys resentment is the knowledge that even if all other things are equal and I meet someone whom I find attractive who is likewise attracted to me, chances are ENORMOUS that our inevitably varying personality types will be incompatible with each other and we won't be a match anyway, regardless of any mutual attraction. That's just the way it works, not only with me, but with you, too . . . and everyone else.

A third and final thing that destroys resentment is the knowledge that I don't need to be attractive to EVERY subtype of women in this world. In fact, I can be UNattractive to MOST women in this world. Why? Because I only need one woman. I'm sure you're the same way: To find love, fulfillment, and happiness, I'm sure that you, too, only need one woman: You don't need all late teenaged women, all virgin women, all educated women, or all career women to be attracted to you. You only need ONE woman to whom you are attracted, who is attracted to you, and with whom your personalities are compatible.

CONCLUSION:

Why be resentful, why post statistical studies, etc. of all the different women in this world who won't be, or aren't, attracted to you when all you need is ONE woman who is anyway? If having a relationship is so important to you, then spend your time, attention, and energy focusing on meeting that one rather than complaining about the literal hundreds of millions who AREN'T that one.

[Hawkeye]

but Latinas just tend to be more physically attractive and you hate them because they want nothing to do with you.

You're right on one point. Latinas are more physically attractive. You're wrong on the second point. I could have any latina I wanted even when I was not established in my career. But they're not my type. I like women over 6ft tall with blue eyes, remember. I needed good breeding material, and I've got strong, smart, and beautiful kids because of it. But doubting thomas has no such restriction and I think a latina is a good choice for him.

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

but Latinas just tend to be more physically attractive and you hate them because they want nothing to do with you.

You're right on one point. Latinas are more physically attractive. You're wrong on the second point. I could have any latina I wanted even when I was not established in my career. But they're not my type. I like women over 6ft tall with blue eyes, remember. I needed good breeding material, and I've got strong, smart, and beautiful kids because of it. But doubting thomas has no such restriction and I think a latina is a good choice for him.