Say my name.

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

- Doc

[canpakes]

[Lem]

Wow. What an announcement. I recently watched Umbrella Academy, they gave an amazing performance.

[Chap]

This is a talented and courageous person. Good luck to them!

And they look really good both ways!

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

Not gonna lie. I loved the actor in Juno and Super. What a world we live in. My wife has some trans friends, and it's always difficult for me to get over my whatever it is that creates hostility toward them. I have no idea why I feel that way. As an aside, trans folks within the Islamic tradition (someone can correct me if I'm wrong), are considered to be whatever gender as long as they conform to the social norms of that gender. At least I remember reading something about MTF trans getting that kind of consideration.

- Doc

[Chap]

My wife has some trans friends, and it's always difficult for me to get over my whatever it is that creates hostility toward them. I have no idea why I feel that way.

What matters is not how you feel, but how you act. How you feel is the result of habits of thought you unconsciously absorbed as a child and young person about what is normal, and it is not surprising that if someone who does not fit into those expectations turns up, your mind starts sending up 'WTF?' signals. It's a bit like the default settings on a computer, which allows you to change them, but keeps on reverting to 'factory settings'.

I was brought up in a world where I never, ever, met any black people, and where the images I saw of them were either threatening 'natives' to be subdued (think 'Zulu') or essentially comical figures (think 'Song of the South'). Nowadays, if I see a large young black man walking towards me, my threat alarm still goes off and I have to hit the 'cancel' button, even after years of interacting with black colleagues and others for whom I have done stuff. Of course, in my society he (except in rare cases) has much more to fear from white guys than I have to fear from him. One interesting point: as a British person, I have been brought up to judge people by their voices. Once I was interacting with a young black British person who just happened to have a completely upper-class 'Kensington' accent (think Princess Diana in The Crown). On came my automatic deference, and it completely shut down the 'unfamiliar black' response built in from my childhood.

There is, as they say in Yorkshire 'nowt so queer as folks' (where 'queer' = 'weird').

[Res Ipsa]

Not gonna lie. I loved the actor in Juno and Super. What a world we live in. My wife has some trans friends, and it's always difficult for me to get over my whatever it is that creates hostility toward them. I have no idea why I feel that way. As an aside, trans folks within the Islamic tradition (someone can correct me if I'm wrong), are considered to be whatever gender as long as they conform to the social norms of that gender. At least I remember reading something about MTF trans getting that kind of consideration.

- Doc

Good on you, Cam, for acknowledging the feelings and being aware of them. As the parent of a young trans woman, I find comfort in that.

Oh, and his name is Elliot.

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

It is interesting how deep our programming goes. The trans friends are decent people. They don't hurt anyone. They're nice to other people, so far as I'm aware. They're veterans who served my country. So on and so forth.

What's interesting is my issue of simultaneously holding a sort of innate feeling toward them and then also acting respectful toward them - we went bowling with them a few times and had a few over at our place last holiday season. I feel hypocritical and try to find that sweet spot where I don't feel fake in my interactions with them. I think ultimately it isn't about the gender thing, it's about the surgery for me. Even now just thinking about it fills me with existential dread, so perhaps I'm having a hard time interacting with a former male who had some things removed, and some other things added. I guess now that I'm typing it out, it's almost like, for me, trying to interact with someone who's really into bodymod, but then you're supposed to act like it's the most natural thing in the world and treat them without a hint of being freaked out. Whatever the case may be, I'm definitely interested in following Page's process because I liked him as an actress.

- Doc

[Res Ipsa]

It is interesting how deep our programming goes. The trans friends are decent people. They don't hurt anyone. They're nice to other people, so far as I'm aware. They're veterans who served my country. So on and so forth.

What's interesting is my issue of simultaneously holding a sort of innate feeling toward them and then also acting respectful toward them - we went bowling with them a few times and had a few over at our place last holiday season. I feel hypocritical and try to find that sweet spot where I don't feel fake in my interactions with them. I think ultimately it isn't about the gender thing, it's about the surgery for me. Even now just thinking about it fills me with existential dread, so perhaps I'm having a hard time interacting with a former male who had some things removed, and some other things added. I guess now that I'm typing it out, it's almost like, for me, trying to interact with someone who's really into bodymod, but then you're supposed to act like it's the most natural thing in the world and treat them without a hint of being freaked out. Whatever the case may be, I'm definitely interested in following Page's process because I liked him as an actress.

- Doc

I completely understand. Two of my trans gaming friends are vets and people that I enjoy being around. A third I knew for over a year before she told me, and it came up only because we were discussing my daughter. She and her boyfriend are two of my favorite gaming friends.

But I sometimes break out in a cold sweat when I think about surgery for my daughter, and my wife is stressing about it constantly.

I think some of the feeling of revulsion is evolved. Genes “want” penises in vaginas, and a feeling of disgust at anything that messes with hetero sex drives reinforces that.

But, yeah, the surgery part triggers thoughts and emotions that are just there. I just try to recognize them, acknowledge them, sit with them for a bit, and let them go.

[Chap]

... it's about the surgery for me. Even now just thinking about it fills me with existential dread, so perhaps I'm having a hard time interacting with a former male who had some things removed, ...

Aaaaaargh. Yes, or rather ... no. (Deep breathing to feel calm again ...)

But look: imagine feeling so 'wrong' in a male body that you are willing, even eager, to go through that. That gives one added respect for the ex-guys with the courage to get it done.