Love, Marriage, Intimacy...

[_asbestosman]

It seems some believers don't much care for their spouse but care much more about an imaginary family in some future life.

Their own earthly spouse and children takes a big back step to their own glory and future power.

Perhaps the family of God is imaginary to you, but I think it is quite real. I believe that it is wrong to hurt others in order to get more glory in the next world. On the other hand, I don't think glory and power is why believers break up their families over apostasy. I think it's a misguided idea that this is what God wants them to do. Certainly when we look at the gifts God has given us such as agency I am inclined to try pleasing Him above pleasing my family. I also happen to believe that God does not generally want people to divorce over one spouse losing a testomony.

Mocking the church, on the other hand, might be considered a form of abuse. People ought to at least be sensitive enough to their spouse's needs so as not to mock or condemn things s/he holds dear.

[_wenglund]

Speaking of tendancies, it seems to me that not a few people who are looking to improve relationships (marriages in particular) tend to look externally (at one's spouse, other parties, other relationships, God, the Church, etc.) for change, elimination, and improvement, rather than looking at the most pertent and personally effective place--i.e. within.

Until we focus on fixing our own selves, and make ourselves capable of having healthy intimate relationships, it is of little matter who all we try to connect with or how we try to connect, there will always be some level of impediment.

I have personally found that the more I make Christ the center of my life, and use his guiding precepts and spiritual powers to heal my soul and uplift my life, the far better I am able to relate to others in more meaningful and enriching ways.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[_Runtu]

Speaking of tendancies, it seems to me that not a few people who are looking to improve relationships (marriages in particular) tend to look externally (at one's spouse, other parties, other relationships, God, the Church, etc.) for change, elimination, and improvement, rather than looking at the most pertent and personally effective place--i.e. within.

Until we focus on fixing our own selves, and make ourselves capable of having healthy intimate relationships, it is of little matter who all we try to connect with or how we try to connect, there will always be some level of impediment.

I have personally found that the more I make Christ the center of my life, and use his guiding precepts and spiritual powers to heal my soul and uplift my life, the far better I am able to relate to others in more meaningful and enriching ways.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

Finally, a wenglund post I can agree with. Things did not improve for my wife and me until we both listened to each other and realized that we both needed to make some changes about the way we interacted. It can be a very painful process to look inward and see one's flaws, but it is always worthwhile.

Good post, Wade.

[_truth dancer]

Hi Wade...

Great post! Very important point! :-) Absolutely!

~dancer~

[_truth dancer]

Hi Aesbestosman,

People ought to at least be sensitive enough to their spouse's needs so as not to mock or condemn things s/he holds dear.

I agree...

Believers could refrain from the claiming their spouse is a following Satan, and non-believers can refrain from considering believers stupid. I think people who love each other don't go there which is why i wonder if those believers who encourage divorce for disbelief have something else going on!


~dancer~

[_Roger Morrison]

I wonder if some people even know what it means to have a loving romantic relationship. I wonder if they know what it means to be intimate. I wonder if they understand what it means to feel deeply emotionally connected.

Without doubt some folks don't know what a loving relationship is, romantic or otherwise. Another question: Can this loving relationship be had outside of the 'traditional' marriage? With other than a partner of the opposite sex? I think so. However IF baby-making is the purpose that can take place in the worst of human relationships, unfortunately.

The thread on "spiritual infidelity" has me baffled... but then I start thinking of proponents of polygamy... and well, I just have to wonder.

It seems like some believers think marriage is just a requirement so you can get into the CKHL... or maybe just a partnership to fulfill the rules, or a contract that provides proof of obedience. They don't seem to have any emotion, love, compassion, or intimate connection with their spouse.

But they can/do make babies. Unfortunately there are those who stake/gamble the present for the future whether for material gain or future CK glory, the result is the same. Family life/love and the 'divine' purpose of home is too often sacrificed. Evidenced by the sadness in which many survive.

It is as if marriage is all about one getting into the CKHL so they can be a God... nothing more.

Is it just me or do ya'll get this same sort of impression by some posters?

T'ain't just You TD. I observe the confussion and dysfunction in which many live lives devoid of love, affection and positive validation. The evidence glares within as well as outside of Mormonism... Warm regards, Roger

~dancer~

[_Roger Morrison]

Speaking of tendancies, it seems to me that not a few people who are looking to improve relationships (marriages in particular) tend to look externally (at one's spouse, other parties, other relationships, God, the Church, etc.) for change, elimination, and improvement, rather than looking at the most pertent and personally effective place--i.e. within.

Until we focus on fixing our own selves, and make ourselves capable of having healthy intimate relationships, it is of little matter who all we try to connect with or how we try to connect, there will always be some level of impediment.

I have personally found that the more I make Christ the center of my life, and use his guiding precepts and spiritual powers to heal my soul and uplift my life, the far better I am able to relate to others in more meaningful and enriching ways.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

Great! You've come a long way, Bro! Making life Christ-centred is a challenge that not all who think they have done so manifest that to few others but themselves.

IMSCO, once Jesus was understood as a MAN of emotions, feelings and empathy, his reasons for disappoitment, anger, compassion, fearlessness, fairness and forgiveness were relatable in my life and relationships.

The guy who was unihibited and unrestrained by traditions that dehumanized; who could associate with all levels of society; didn't throw stones; blessed children--didn't rebuke them; reached out to untouchables; advocated for peace and justice; didn't look to be served/glorified...was everything but frigid and rigid...this was/is my MAN!

As you say, when one does their best to live by his principles and precepts there is a sense of contentment with life that "surpasses all understanding." Glad you've found it. Warm regards, Roger

[_Yoda]

Another good point that Wade brings out is that in order to make changes in your relationship, you have to be willing to make changes in yourself.

You can't change the other person. You can change how you proactively act and react to that person.

[_Jason Bourne]

I married my wife for her mind, not her body (and I hope she'll say the same of me). I think beauty is skin deep. I wasn't not gonna fall for someone just because she had a pretty face and a nice figure. Since I married her for her mind, what if she changes her mind?

What does it really mean to intimately love someone? Would you stop loving someone because she got in a terrible accident and is ugly? Does that imply that love comes more from personaility? Would you stop loving someone because she was in an accident and suffered brain dammage? What does that imply? Would you stop loving someone if you saw her change personality from loving the same activities you do (sci-fi movies, swimming, jogging, eating out, or whatever) and actually started hating them? What if the person went from loving your other friends to hating them? How about from loving others in your family to hate?

What if the person you lovee suddenly commited a crime? What if the crime is a felony? What if it involved abusing adults? What if it involved abusing children? What if it involved abusing you?

I see you missed my comments about what true intimacy is.

[_Jason Bourne]

Which family is most important: the temporal, eartly one or the Heavenly one with our Heavenly Father?

The one here, and now. The one you are charged with caring for and nurturing. This one on earth is more important then anyone you may or may not have in the hereafter.

Even though I imagine I would answer that question differently than many here, I do not see any pressing reason to divorce someone over a loss of faith. It certainly won't protect children who will still be exposed to the apostate parent. It will dammage children to go through a divorce. Also there is no need to divorce over fear of not becoming a God. God isn't going to punish you if you did your best to find a spouse but your spouse falls away.

Agreed