wenglund wrote:GIMR wrote:One danger point, however. DO NOT set time periods on people's healing. I say this, because some people heal faster and some slower than others, and for those who don't see the "results" in the time period set, that may have disasterous consequences. I think guarantees past personal peace of mind are too much. You see, we live in a world where the only control we have is over what WE do. That must be emphasized.
I hear what you are saying. However, I think it important to understand that the time periods are not intended to be gaurantees, but rather reasonable GOALS that are set by the individual for themself (with some assistance from the facilitator). This is actually standard practice among Cognitive Behavioral Therapists. The rationale in doing it is at least two fold: 1) it is hope-inducing (it lets the participant know that there is an end to the tunnel, and that the end is not way off in some unforeseeable future), and 2) it gives them a target to shoot for.
It may surprise you how quickly people's lives and relationship can improve given the right interventions--this is particularly true for the kinds of low-level personal and relationship issue the site will be addressing.
However, I think it wise to post notice with step 5 that the time-frame is not a gaurantee, but a goal to strive towards; that the acheivement of the goal is dependant upon personal effort; that failure to achieve the goal is okay; and that revising the goal is also okay.
It'll take me some time, but if you like I can compile the list of stuff I have worked with.
That would be greatly appreciated. And, if it is of any help, you don't need to compile an exhaustive list, just some of the more helpful items.
Thanks, -Wade Englund-
Hey Wade,
I still feel a bit iffy about the time period thing, but if you are willing to place time periods on certain goals like, for instance, having a time set apart each week for an old hobby I enjoy, or getting up the courage to have a talk with my spouse, then these things I can understand. I guess I don't understand what you are putting a time constraint on exactly.
My situation took a long time. I suffered with depression for 20 years. My situation is called dysthymia, a long, mild depression which can turn into major depression at intervals. There was never a point for me personally where I thought I would be in a certain place guaranteed by a certain time. I have been disappointed too many times for that.
Each new year and each birthday, I take stock of my life. And there are a few things that haven't changed. For a long time I chose to be upset about those things instead of looking at the goals I had met. There is one last thing I'm hoping to do on the major change front, and that is gain the financial independence to move out of my mom's house. I've been trying for years, and each time I moved in the past it was not successful.
If I had used a time guarantee on this situation before, I would have been elated when I did move (which I did three times), devestated when I had to move back (which I was each time, especially when my father died). Now, I don't focus on time constraints. It'll happen. My goal is my own place by my next birthday, about six months away. I have plans in place, steps I'm taking. But if all else fails, I have the money to get a roomate. Good enough.
I'll compile my list of stuff this weekend. Mind you, some of this is kind of unorthodox (I once took a look at some "angel affirmation cards" *grin*), but who knows what will work for whom.