Build Me A Third Party And I'll Vote For It

[_asbestosman]

Vote Coffee in 2008: All lesser evils have been lined against a wall and shot.

So who'll left besides Coffee?
Will there even be any other candidates?
Voters?
Homosapiens?
Lawyers?

[_Mr. Coffee]

Ah, someone has question about my positions on the issues...

So who'll left besides Coffee?

Plenty of people. I'm pretty damned groovy, but I do need underlings to ensure that the day-to-day buisness of running a country goes smoothly.

Will there even be any other candidates?

Only enough to give the voter the illusion that they actually have a choice in the matter. Any serious threats to my dicta... er, Presidency will be lined against a wall and shot.

Voters?

Why not? If it makes the plebes feel better about my brutal reign of oppressing the stupid, sure.

Homosapiens?

Only those that qualify. The stupid ones will be used for labor or lined against a wall and shot.

On a side not, with all the extra labor, we're going to have a lot of great public works projects!

Lawyers?

No. All lawyers will be... No, they aren't going to be lined against a wall and shot. Can I be the dictat... er, president now? Thank you. As I was saying, all Lawyers will be loaded into large cannons and fired at brick walls for the amusement of the masses.

[_asbestosman]

Vote Coffee in 2008: All lesser evils have been lined against a wall and shot.

So who'll left besides Coffee?
Will there even be any other candidates?
Voters?
Homosapiens?
Lawyers?

Mayhap I was a bit too subtle. Do there exist beings who are more evil than Coffee? (hence everyone else counts as a lesser evil and is shot).

I must say though, I kinda like his foreign policy for the Middle East. I have often thought that dirty bombing the place to be unlivable is the only solution for world peace. If people can't share, then no one should get to play.

No one but President Coffee.

[_Mr. Coffee]

Do there exist beings who are more evil than Coffee? (hence everyone else counts as a lesser evil and is shot).

Not that I'm aware of, or else I'd have had them lined against a wall and shot by now. And "lesser evil" status only applies o anyone dumb or suicidal enough to oppose my Administration. Parodies are ok though, as I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.

I must say though, I kinda like his foreign policy for the Middle East. I have often thought that dirty bombing the place to be unlivable is the only solution for world peace. If people can't share, then no one should get to play.

No, not dirty bombs.

In fact, with the exception of harden or subterreinian targets, all nuclear devices used in "Operation “F” The Hajjis" will be initiated at optimum airburst altitude so as to maximix blast and thermal effects. I'd like to keep the long term radiological effects to a dull roar for ease of drilling oil reserves under the region.

Although, purely for shock value (and comedic effect) I'll try to hold of on Operation “F” The Hajjis till the height of the Hajj pilgramage. That way, when I have 5 B83s set to maximum yield (Around about 1.2MT a piece) initiate right over the top of the al-Masjid al-Haram Mosque in Mecha (One to initiate directly above the Kaaba, the rest to initiate at a distance of 1km each 90 degrees off from the toher with the Kaaba device at the center), we can all watch it on CNN, FOX, MSNBC, and all the major networks for a good laugh. The moutain might not come to Mohommad, but I can drop one on his pointy little head.

Goddamn... I'm almost getting a kill boner thinking about this. Hurry up and vote me in office already so I can throw darts at a map to decide who I get to nuke next.

No one but President Coffee.

Ahh... A Loyal Citixen of the Republic. You shall be spared from the wall of shooting.

[_Bond...James Bond]

What's the pay like for loyal bureaucratic minions under the Coffee regim...uhh Administration?

(Scratch isn't paying enough to cover my dental work....so I need a new sugar daddy sorta speak)

[_asbestosman]

Hurry up and vote me in office already so I can throw darts at a map to decide who I get to nuke next.

Don't worry. My bodily fluids are pure. No floridation in my Coffee.

Will there be fighting on the war room?

If I don't get President Coffee to office, will I have to answer to the Coca-Cola company?

Purity of Essence for Peace on Earth. President Coffee and his Doomsday device will make it work--at least as long as he doesn't allow a mine shaft gap. We could proably build those at the same time we build the border walls where traitors are also shot.

[_Mr. Coffee]

What's the pay like for loyal bureaucratic minions under the Coffee regim...uhh Administration?

(Scratch isn't paying enough to cover my dental work....so I need a new sugar daddy sorta speak)

Depends on your Service Grade, but we do offer comprehensive medical, dental, and vision benifits, 401k, and a company car. Also your choice of firearms for lining people against walls and shooting them. Don't forget to enter your name in the "Who's The Great leader Going To Nuke Next" raffle to win your chance to target my next Forth of July Celebratory Annihilation Of Some Random Country BBQ and Fireworks show (Free sparklers for the kids!).

[_The Nehor]

What's the pay like for loyal bureaucratic minions under the Coffee regim...uhh Administration?

(Scratch isn't paying enough to cover my dental work....so I need a new sugar daddy sorta speak)

Depends on your Service Grade, but we do offer comprehensive medical, dental, and vision benifits, 401k, and a company car. Also your choice of firearms for lining people against walls and shooting them. Don't forget to enter your name in the "Who's The Great leader Going To Nuke Next" raffle to win your chance to target my next Forth of July Celebratory Annihilation Of Some Random Country BBQ and Fireworks show (Free sparklers for the kids!).

Can I run the Truthspeak office?

[_Mr. Coffee]

Can I run the Truthspeak office?

What's a "Truthspeak" office? We've got a Ministry of (dis)Information, but not a "truthspeak" office... Meh, send a resume to HR and we'll find something for you, or if you don't met the employement requirements we'll just line you against a wall... bah, you get it by now.

[_Mercury]

Well, if you want to waste your vote there is always the Libertarians!

Three questions:

How is a vote for a Libertarian any less of a wasted vote than a vote for anyone else?

How is a vote for the candidate you actually want to win a wasted vote?

How is a vote for a candidate you really don't want to win anything other than a wasted vote?

Let me throw my balls onto the table. I identify myself as a Libertarian, just not an active one. Much like the Green party there is not enough momentum. It is best to steer the comet than try to blow it up, if that makes sense.

But when it comes down to it my vote means jack squat unless were talking about local elections.

Given the chance, I would have voted for you Shades.