Home Teacher (To Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer")

Post by **_KimberlyAnn** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 9:59 pm

Read it and weep, Coggins!

In case anyone doesn't know the tune, you can check it out here.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=VArQABogDL4

I could bestow a blessing,
If you’d just open up your door
You could have a plate of dark fudge brownies
If you’d soften your heart once more

All you do is call me
To you the Ensign I’ll read

You could have a new lesson
And your seven kids can read the Friend
We’ll discuss the blessings of tithe paying,
Oh, the amusements never end!

I want to be…your Home Teacher!
Why don’t you call my name? (Ahhhh!)
Oh let me be your Home Teacher!
I will bear my testimony.

Yeah! (yeah!)

Are your girls licked cupcakes?
‘Cause licked ones disgust me
Get ‘em to Young Women’s
Where the evils of licking they’ll see

I want to be…your Home Teacher!
Why don’t you call my name?
You’d better call the Home Teacher!
I’ll put your soul at rest
I’m going to be…The Home Teacher
I’ll revive your testimony

Yeaaaah!

I’m your Home Teacher
Let there be no doubt about it

Your Home, Home, Home Teacher

Get ready!

You’ve got to have it (gotta have it, have it!)
Come back in,
FARMS has some new stuff
You can believe in, we can believe in

Oh won’t you talk with me?
You’ll see the church is true!
Talk with me, or I’ll keep calling you
Yean, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do mean you!
Inactive you!
My calls getting through?
You’re gonna feel that power
Feel my priesthood power, hey!
I’ve been feeling the spirit (HUH!)
I’ve been feeling the spirit!
Going to feel my priesthood, yeah, filling you!

Come on, come on, let me through
Come on, come on, let me through
I’m knock knock knock knock knock knock knocking for you!
I’ve been feeling the spirit
I’ve been feeling the spirit!
That’s why I’m calling, calling,
All day and night!

KA

Post by **_Bond...James Bond** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 10:33 pm

OMG! KA combines my love of Peter Gabriel and Mormon parody into a cohesive unit. Awesome!

Post by **_KimberlyAnn** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:38 am

Bond...James Bond wrote:OMG! KA combines my love of Peter Gabriel and Mormon parody into a cohesive unit. Awesome!

I like Peter Gabriel, too, Bond. I'm glad you like my massacre of his song.

There are only a few of us pitiful enough to waste time writing parodies and songs. I've read your stuff and think it's great. Runtu is a riot, too. Coggins, even though he's a grouchy old dinosaur, can be funny also.

Heck, I think Daniel Peterson has a great sense of humor!

KA

Post by **_Bond...James Bond** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:47 am

KimberlyAnn wrote:There are only a few of us pitiful enough to waste time writing parodies and songs. I've read your stuff and think it's great.

Ah....but I don't really consider it wasting time (alright it is wasting time but what else could we be doing? Sleeping, making sweet love, eating tacos, etc?) Actually I haven't written anything in a long long time, and the most of my parodies (the good ones anyway) were written in a very small window of time. Dang now I feel guilty for not producing anything for my fan(s?). *Sigh*

Post by **_Bond...James Bond** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 7:02 am

PS: Does anyone else miss the CK/CKS stoner dialogues. I miss those. Oh wait I feel one coming on now....

CK: Dude what's up with Kimberly Ann?

CKS: What do you mean man.

CK: Who you calling a "mean man"?

CKS: No dude what do you mean man about Kimberly Ann?

CK: I'm not a mean man dude, but I mean dude she's like totally a babe or something.

CKS: I'm not a mean dude. And yeah she's totally hot.

CK: What do you expect? It's summer and global warming makes everybody hot. I'm hot. You're hot. Everybody's hot.

CKS: Dude did you just call me hot?

CK: yeah man. But I mean man in a "thermometer, chicken soup, sick" type hot. Not "wanna play tonsil hockey" hot!

CKS: I'm not a mean man, but that's cool dude.

CK: You're a cool dude.

CKS: You know you're being a tad bipolar dude. One minute I'm hot, and the next I'm cool. Which is it man.

CK: You're cool dude, but it's hot outside. So you're both.

CKS: Stop calling me hot. I don't swing that way.

CK: Alright, man it's freaking hot man.

CKS: Did you just call me a freaking hot man?

CK: No man. Can we get back on the subject of Kimberly Ann?

CKS: Are you a fan of Kimberly Ann.

CK: Dude who isn't a fan of Kimberly Ann, she da man.

CKS: Except she's a girl.

CK: Dude you know what I mean.

CKS: Yeah man, want some more Doritos?

CK: You're reading my mind dawg.

CKS: Who you calling dawg?

Post by **_gramps** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 8:53 am

Brilliant!

Respect.

Post by **_KimberlyAnn** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 7:25 pm

You're a funny man, Bond! The conversation between CK and CKS is hilarious, if not a tiny bit embarrassing for me. I do thank you for the compliments; however, I can't help but feel it's undeserved flattery.

And after thinking about it for a while, I don't really consider writing silly songs a waste of my time. I enjoy doing it, and usually I make up the lyrics as I listen to music while I'm driving or cleaning house. And there's still plenty of time for sleep, tacos and sex.

Thanks for the laugh!

KA

Post by **_Bond...James Bond** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 7:33 pm

KimberlyAnn wrote:You're a funny man, Bond! The conversation between CK and CKS is hilarious, if not a tiny bit embarrassing for me. I do thank you for the compliments; however, I can't help but feel it's undeserved flattery.

Why of course I was complimenting you through my CK/CKS stoner voice. I have more of that type stuff on my blog somewhere.

And after thinking about it for a while, I don't really consider writing silly songs a waste of my time. I enjoy doing it, and usually I make up the lyrics as I listen to music while I'm driving or cleaning house. And there's still plenty of time for sleep, tacos and sex.

Yeah alot of my parodies ideers come when I'm doing something else. I think they're pretty harmless fun.

Post by **_KimberlyAnn** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 8:15 pm

Bond...James Bond wrote: Why of course I was complimenting you through my CK/CKS stoner voice. I have more of that type stuff on my blog somewhere.

Here's a compliment for you in my KA voice: I think you're outrageously funny, and though I've no idea what you look like, you're strikingly handsome in my imagination!

KA

Post by **_Some Schmo** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 9:12 pm

Pretty good parody, although it hurts my aesthetic sensibilities that you'd mar an awesome Gabriel song with anything Mormon related.

;)

One request: in the future, could you Mormon parody a song I don't really care about? Maybe something like... oh, I don't know... say, anything by Bon Jovi:

Livin on a Prayer

Joseph used to dig in the ground
Treasure's coming slow
He's down on his luck...its tough, so tough
Emma works the laundry all day
She's sharing her man, she brings home her pay
For love - for love

She says you've got to stop now at what you've got
cause it makes a big difference
If you make love or not
There's 18 wives here, and that's a lot
For love - You soon will be shot

Chorus:
Whooah, she's 14 there
Whooah, livin on a prayer
Take her hand and I'll punt you - I swear
Whooah, livin on a prayer

Joseph's got his rock in a hat
Now hes holding in what he used
To make it talk - so tough, its tough
Emma dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Joseph whispers baby its okay, someday

She says you've got to stop now at what you've got
it makes a big difference
If you hump them or not
There's 18 wives here, and that's a lot
For love - I'll give you a shot

Chorus

we've got let go, ready or not
You live for the BS when its all that youve got

Chorus