Sailgirl posts from KA's "Liars" thread

[_barrelomonkeys]

sailgirl, I'll pipe in about the weight also. My ex-husband used to use weight as a stick to beat me over the head with. When I was divorcing him he begged me not to and continually told me how beautiful I was and how no other woman could measure up (he'd had some relations with other women) and how they didn't satisfy him in the eye candy department. I realized at that moment that this asshole had made me feel like crap for 5 years and I was an absolutely beautiful young woman. It was all his issue and he'd made it mine.

Jersey Girl nailed it when she pointed out that your husband expects you to have children and not have a body that looks like you've had children. This is his problem. I'm sorry he's made it yours.

[_Pokatator]

Sailgirl

Sorry for the late post. I very seldom go to the Off-Topic threads. I think I pushed the wrong button. Anyway I read this thread and I realize that for a long time I have felt like you have said about yourself. But I started thinking different about myself and things have changed for me. I too "think too much", I also have those inferior thoughts so therefore I don't post very often. I find myself trying to answer perfectly, so I am constantly editing and reediting my comments until the thread goes on and so far past me that my comment is no longer revelant. If I get frustrated with this then I post immediately and I limit it to a short "drive by comment" or if I post something of substance then I am critical of myself and usually wish I hadn't wrote that or I wish I had said that differently, etc. Anyway, I post infrequently because of all that. I know better about myself but I don't always face it. I find you the exact opposite of what you wrote about yourself, you are smart, intelligent and I love your posts. Plus I imagine you as sexy. A while back I was on live-chat with you, the second time ever and I have never been there since. You were great, and I was amazed at you, you talked about your kids, school and I thought man you've got a lot more energy than I have. That chat stuff was fun but I know I am old and there is a real generation gap thing there.

I will say that 5-5 and 122 is petit. I can't help to think that your intereactions with your husband have different dynamics going than this. I guess I am trying to say, sometimes we as spouses fight and argue and make comments about things that avoid the real reasons and issues. Sometimes it is easier to combat the surface items rather than deeper issues. I hope you two can work it all out. I got a kick out of all the retalitiation comments but I am not sure that you should use that approach totally but I do believe that you should stick up for your self. I guess I am talkling from experience, I left my wife and 3 kids over the church issue but it seemed that we faught about everything else not related to it to avoid dealing with it, things like weight, squeezing the toothpaste in the middle, dirty clothes, etc. The root issue was first we didn't really know how to communicate and then the church stuff on top of that equaled disaster.

One last comment here, I do believe that when two people marry out of genuine love that they do cleave and become one. So when you have doubts and insecurity so does your husband. When you are in a state of confusion so is he and so on. I am sure he has a whole set of problems the same as you and in his own way having a whole lot of problems dealing with them.

I am going to close now and I am going to assume that you will not be offended if I pray for you, your husband, and your little ones.

Sincerely, Pokatator

PS I am not going reread this or I won't sent out of all the typos, errs, etc. (similie)

[_Yoda]

sailgirl,

I think that you need to see the comments of husband and relative as something positive. Perhaps your husband is concerned for your physical well-being and honestly believes that garments will protect you. This is a sign of love if true. And your relative views LDS baptism as a catholic would view a first holy communion at the age of seven. Both are important in the life of the child and in the life of the relatives. In this case, the baptism and in the other case, the holy communion. I would not think that it is something negative but a positive. Thanks for your post...but I would see your experiences as related by you in a much more positive slant. But of course, you know better since you were there. Thanks for your post....

Who left the goddamned door open?

Look at the fuckchop that just wandered in.

Hey Mormon hypo-fucking-crite, her husband is being a peter peckerhead priesthood pious pontificating pompous ass. He still feels that he has more authority than his lowly female wife and feels justified in telling her to wrap her ass back in the Jesus jammies.

Unless you are 100% Mormon, please shut the “F” up.

I have to hand it to you, PP.

You can be a jerk, but your heart is in the right place. Thanks for standing up for sailgirl. You are a softie at heart. LOL

;)

Liz

[_Yoda]

Alright if saying a 5-3 122 lb woman needs to lose wait is idiotic, telling a 5-5 119 lb woman to lose wait is absolutely damned moronic.

Another brilliant, quote worthy comment!

Love ya, Bond!

:)

[_sailgirl7]

But who am I? I am nobody, a girl from the wrong side of the tracks.

Me too. And I'm here to tell you that you can meet the goals that you expressed, sailgirl7. When would you like to begin?

Back to the body, does it not strike you as odd that your husband expects your body to do what a woman's body does...but doesn't expect it to look like it?

Think about that for a bit....

Jersey Girl,

Hi! Thanks for your response. In answer to your first question, I would like to begin right now. Of course I am somewhat limited by resources(money) and responsibilities (children) but I'm sure I can find a way to work around those things.

As far as my husbands comments on my body- yes I do find his expectations unrealistic. But perhaps I have unrealistic expectations too.

[_barrelomonkeys]

sailgirl, I just saw this and thought of you.



That's Faith Hill a mother of 3 that looks marvelous. Look what Redbook did with photoshop to her arm, body, and face! It's our culture, not us. :)

[_sailgirl7]

sailgirl -

My exhusband used to threaten to leave me if I didn't lose weight - and I weighed around 119 pounds at 5'5".

It took me a while (and self education) to understand it wasn't really about my weight - it was about him "keeping me in my place", finding a way to remind me that I was inferior, a way to make me feel insecure and unlovable. It was about control, and emotional abuse.

I don't know enough about your situation to know if it's similar, and you don't have to continue talking about it if you don't want to, but if any of this rings a bell you may want to get the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. It opened my eyes and (maybe literally) saved my life.

Beastie,

Thank you very much for your post. I am so sorry about your experiences with your exhusband. That is truely terrible. As far as your comment about it being an issue of "control"- that struck a nerve. I found out a week after my marraige that my husband did have issues with control. Didn't I see it before the marriage? Perhaps I did- but I was so caught up in the frenzy of wanting to get married that lo and behold I overlooked many, many things.

But here's something interesting, the first year of our marriage, we read the scriptures EVERY night. Never missed a day. That year was the absolute worst as far as his temper and control. He even physically would push me down, pin me down, and one time at a store, he shoved me into a display stand.

Ironically, as our fanatic obedience to reading the scriptures waned- so did his temper. In fact, we haven't routinely read the scriptures for years- and he hasn't been physical at all with me during that time. Do I blame the scriptures? Of course not- but I do see a correalation between his religious zeal and his need for dominance.

I'll check out that book you suggested- it looks interesting.

[_sailgirl7]

sailgirl, I just saw this and thought of you.



That's Faith Hill a mother of 3 that looks marvelous. Look what Redbook did with photoshop to her arm, body, and face! It's our culture, not us. :)

Book of Mormon,

Wow- you're so right! Look at those lines under her eyes too- they just magically get wiped away! I totally agree with you- our culture is helping to warp our sense of true beauty.

[_sailgirl7]

Sailgirl7,

Since beastie gave you a book recommend, I'd like to do the same.

"It Will Never Happen to Me" by Claudia Black.

It's about ACOA's. If you don't know what that means, you really need to learn.

Thanks for the recommendation- I'll definetely check it out.

[_sailgirl7]

sailgirl,

I think that you need to see the comments of husband and relative as something positive. Perhaps your husband is concerned for your physical well-being and honestly believes that garments will protect you. This is a sign of love if true. And your relative views LDS baptism as a catholic would view a first holy communion at the age of seven. Both are important in the life of the child and in the life of the relatives. In this case, the baptism and in the other case, the holy communion. I would not think that it is something negative but a positive. Thanks for your post...but I would see your experiences as related by you in a much more positive slant. But of course, you know better since you were there. Thanks for your post....

Who left the goddamned door open?

Look at the fuckchop that just wandered in.

Hey Mormon hypo-fucking-crite, her husband is being a peter peckerhead priesthood pious pontificating pompous ass. He still feels that he has more authority than his lowly female wife and feels justified in telling her to wrap her ass back in the Jesus jammies.

Unless you are 100% Mormon, please shut the “F” up.

PP,

You have such a way with words! :) I like your clever use of alliteration! Brilliant! Thanks for being in my corner- you are great- although I don't always agree 100% with ya- I still appreciate your point of view and your thoughts!