Polygamy & Big Love

[_mocnarf]

In 1880 what characteristics would a Polygamisty family have?

I just finished watching the first 6 episodes of Big Love. And, for the most
part respectful of current LDS policies against polygamy. That is they make
it clear in Big Love that LDS do not approve of polygamy. But with that said,
one question I have for any LDS here (that have watched Big Love), would
you agree with me that if Bill and Family had lived in 1880 that their
polygamist relationship would be almost the ideal. They could have been the
"poster family" for polygamy in the 1880.

I think HBO has done a good job of showing what a good and decent Polygamist
Family would look like. Along with the problems of trying to live that live style in
the anti-polygamist culture of today. HBM also has shown the seedier side of
polygamy when they Bill's father's family and/or Roland's family. But all in all
I think it has been a very fair presentation of modern day polygamy. Not only
that but they have done it in an entertaining way. I find I feel that I know the
people in this show (they are not cardboard sterio-types). The family dynamics
are very interesting to watch, both the immediate family and the extended
family/clan at Juniper Creek.

Frankly, I wish all monogamist families had as much concern, love and understanding
for each other as is depicted in Bill's Family. The world would be much better off.

I find this show interesting and entertaining because I have lived in Utah and have
relatives from the 1860's that were polygamists. I know doubt look at the show through
different eyes than someone how has not idea of who Mormons are or what their history
has been. I wonder what their impressions are? (About LDS, Polygamist and Utah.)

What do you think the effects of this show might be on the Polygamist culture found in
the Rocky Mountain States? Will it lead to more tollerence? Will it lead to more Polygamists
"coming out of the closet" ? Will it lead to more people entering Polygamist life style?

[_mocnarf]

Did any one catch this this post on another forum?

link: http://www.bigloveboards.com/showthread.php?t=435

A real Polygamy story, you might like.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please follow this link to see the whole story.
http://www.we.tv/shows/secretlives/blogs/476259


Hi! My name is Ruth, I am the product of plural marriage. My parents embraced the principle of plural marriage upon their conversion to the fundamentals of Mormonism. My father was a faithful Mormon who exemplified the Gospel of Jesus Christ through his love and compassion to his fellowman. He attended the University of Utah and became a great educator. He believed that plural marriage was a sacred fundamental principle revealed by God to the Prophet Joseph Smith by way of commandment. When he converted to a doctrine, it became a matter of principle to live his beliefs, not just talk about it. So he did. This is how I came to be.

Growing up in a large family there were many benefits. Of course there was the typical sibling rivalry, competing, and "I need my space" moments. But mostly there was someone to share chores, homework, sports, and laughter with. Education and character development were a high priority in our family. Good humor was always ready and available. I had an all-American childhood experience.

As I got older I did not understand the stereotypes and prejudices directed at my family and me. Today, it is something that is very familiar to me, yet I still do not understand the logic behind targeting a lifestyle or a minority.

If I ever were victimized, it was because of the stereotypes and prejudice so well accepted by surrounding communities. It is much easier to label and paint a culture with the broad brush than it is to look past the differences to the commonalities we all have. Most polygamists are just like people everywhere with hopes, dreams and aspirations for a better world. Most polygamists are hardworking and self-reliant.

I fight against abuse and will stand with anyone truly fighting abuse. Abuse is not accepted in my religious worship nor is it condoned in any good society.

After graduating from college and working for a number of years, I have decided that being a mother is my most important job. So I stay home with the children of the family and I'm known as the "home mom". I am enjoying motherhood in ways that I never dreamed of. It is important to me that I help provide the same kind of environment for my children that my parents provided for me. A home that is safe and loving with the resources available to help our children be successful in life. The most important dream I have now is to raise children that love God, are honorable, hard working, and responsible citizens. This is worth giving my time and attention to. I have a good husband and support system and we all work hard to make sure that the family is our priority.

In agreeing to have my family exposed to the media, I hope to dispel a few myths about my lifestyle. You will find unhappy women everywhere in broken relationships. I am not one of them. Let us stay focused on the issues that are important and respect one another for the life choices that we have made. Let's fight child abuse, spouse abuse, and cultural abuse everywhere. Not target a lifestyle that cannot defend itself most of the time, due to outdated and unjust laws directed at a religious minority. Let us learn to respect our differences and appreciate the ways we are alike. Most of us want to live in a better world, with less crime and victims. Let each of us unite on these issues, fight real abuse everywhere and the world will be a better place for all of us to live.

[_mocnarf]

I guess I am just taking to myself.... but oh well....
..
From what little I know about polygamists, I would have to say Bill Henderson type of polygamist would be very rare. From the show, it seems that his family is not member in good standing with any organized polygamist group. Other than his business partner Don, it doesn't seem that the Henderson's have any friends. Margene tryed having an outsider as a friend, but that didn't work out.

Since Bill was "rescued" by the LDS church and appearently he and Barb where TR LDS for several years until sometime during Barb fight with cancer and she & Bill decided to go back to Bill's polygamist roots. What's unclear is if Bill & family just became inactive LDS or if they were formally excommunicated. May be the second season will explane this a bit better.

There were two scenes in the first season that I feel were presented magnificantly. The baptism scene where Bill baptizes his daughter was heart felt and inspiring. And I loved Margenes reaction. I think the writers did a great job in capturing the deep love and concern these family members have for each other.

The other scene that I thought caught the deep sole searching emotion of a teenager who, after doing something he had been taught as being wrong, got on his knees and prayed for forgiveness. I don't think that scene could have been written any better.

One thing that is not shown is specific religous teaching. We have only seen some prayers and and the baptism. There hasn't been any type of church service. But then an isolated polygamist family in Salt Lake probably doesn't have and formal churches they could goto. I guess they must just do "home school" type of religious worship, but that has yet to be shown. So, my questionis where is this family learning the high moral code by which they are living? Maybe next season will explain this. I have to wait for the DVD so it will be a year before I find out.

In the real world, do the FLDS have churches/temples? What is a polygamist wedding like? Do they do endoments like the LDS or do they just have some type of sealing ordinance.

[_The Nehor]

I haven't seen it but from what I hear it's fairly ideal.

I know people living poly lifestyles now personally and it takes a lot of character to make it work. Most of those trying to live that way are fools with a few diamonds in the rough. The successful ones are the ones who give a lot to all parties in the relationship and genuinely care about each other...and it only works if they ALL care about ALL the other people.

[_truth dancer]

I haven't watched the series but...

There are folks in all sorts of alternative relationships that "make it work." Were there slaves that were happy and made it work? Do abused children love their parents and have no wish to be separated from them? Do some women in abusive relationships consider themselves happy?

Personally, I support whomever wants to engage in whatever sorts of unusual alternative partnering they wish so long as they are consenting adults without manipulation, commands, or threats... and so long as children are not hurt.

People have found ways to make the most horrific of situations work... proof of obedience to God, is a good way to encourage folks to make difficult/harmful/cruel/ things more acceptable.

~dancer~

[_Seven]

I have watched about 6 episodes of the first season. I think it's probaby fun to watch for many, but it makes light of the real emotional pain/abuse a woman has in sharing her husband. I believe some of the anti polygamist groups were not happy with the show either because it is trying to portray polygamy as an acceptable "alternative" form of marriage.
Too fluffy for me.

[_Seven]

I guess I am just taking to myself.... but oh well....
..
From what little I know about polygamists, I would have to say Bill Henderson type of polygamist would be very rare. From the show, it seems that his family is not member in good standing with any organized polygamist group. Other than his business partner Don, it doesn't seem that the Henderson's have any friends. Margene tryed having an outsider as a friend, but that didn't work out.

Since Bill was "rescued" by the LDS church and appearently he and Barb where TR LDS for several years until sometime during Barb fight with cancer and she & Bill decided to go back to Bill's polygamist roots. What's unclear is if Bill & family just became inactive LDS or if they were formally excommunicated. May be the second season will explane this a bit better.

There were two scenes in the first season that I feel were presented magnificantly. The baptism scene where Bill baptizes his daughter was heart felt and inspiring. And I loved Margenes reaction. I think the writers did a great job in capturing the deep love and concern these family members have for each other.

The other scene that I thought caught the deep sole searching emotion of a teenager who, after doing something he had been taught as being wrong, got on his knees and prayed for forgiveness. I don't think that scene could have been written any better.

One thing that is not shown is specific religous teaching. We have only seen some prayers and and the baptism. There hasn't been any type of church service. But then an isolated polygamist family in Salt Lake probably doesn't have and formal churches they could goto. I guess they must just do "home school" type of religious worship, but that has yet to be shown. So, my questionis where is this family learning the high moral code by which they are living? Maybe next season will explain this. I have to wait for the DVD so it will be a year before I find out.

In the real world, do the FLDS have churches/temples? What is a polygamist wedding like? Do they do endoments like the LDS or do they just have some type of sealing ordinance.

Actually, the majority of polygamists in the US are not tied to any organized relgion. They are considered independent polygamists, but their beliefs are based on LDS doctrine. I learned this from the book "God's Brothel" and If I recall correctly, Helen Whitney pointed this out in the PBS special on "The Mormons." The modern day polygamist family she interviewed seemed a lot like the Hendersons. Even so, I believe they do not let you see the true pain behind the lifestyle even though the women will claim to be happy. The ones who leave and speak out against polygamy will testify to that.

[_Bond...James Bond]

What do you think the effects of this show might be on the Polygamist culture found in
the Rocky Mountain States?

No clue....I think the hardcore polygamists that live in compounds are so brainwashed to believe polygamy is the correct path that they wouldn't be diswaded. As to more liberal polygamists (ala Bill Hendrickson style).....maybe they'll think they're becoming more mainstream. *shrugs*

Will it lead to more tollerence?

I think it will.....sadly. It's easy to feel sympathetic for the Big Love cast and wish that everyone would "leave them alone"....even though they're breaking the law.

Will it lead to more Polygamists "coming out of the closet" ?

I doubt it....polygamy is still illegal (unless you're Hugh Hefner and are simply cohabitating with numerous women)

Will it lead to more people entering Polygamist life style?

I don't think so....

[_mocnarf]

Thanks, Seven, TruthDancer, Nehor.... I appreciate your comment. I, do, however beleive the show has shown the bad side of polygamy as well as the good side, i.e. Compound life. Those families do not make polygamy look appealing.

The show makes the Henderson family look like what Polygamy was meant to be. (at least in the first season) But I think that even in the Henderson Family, it shows how difficult it is to make it work for everyone in the family. Their are incredable stress on not only the adult members of the family but on the children.

My wife grew up in Kanab Utah, and related a story to me about a situation that occurred in her Junior High when she was young. It happen that a girl form a polygamist family was enrolled in their school and the kids, just tormented the girl terribly. Not physically mind you... but by words and otracism. Junior High kids can be so mean. If your not in the in group, your a no-body. Unfortunately she was one of the tormentors and is still ashamed of the way she acted way back then.

Several people who have seen the start of the second season, don't like the direction the writers have taken it. But I won't watch it until it comes out on DVD next year, so I wouldn't know.

[_truth dancer]

Hi Mocnarf...

The show makes the Henderson family look like what Polygamy was meant to be.

To me, it is like having a program showing how slavery was meant to be... where the slaves are doing their best to make a horrible situation fine... slaves accepting their position as how God intended it. Slaveholders trying to be good slaveholders.... ya know? It just really rubs me the wrong way! I can't think about it without bringing to my mind and heart the sorrow, heartache, pain, abuse, and suffering of so many women trying to do "God's will." I just can't see it in a funny light.

I have a difficult time with anything that makes light of a very cruel, degrading, and abusive practice.

I say this again, not judging those who want to engage in whatever form of alternative lifestyle they wish... I'm talking about the idea that God commands/demands women share their husbands while the husband can %$#@ whomever he wishes or rather whomever he can can get to "marry" him. Two very different situations.

~dancer~