If you started a church, what would be your rules?

Post by **_SatanWasSetUp** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 4:55 pm

If you started a church (or movement. Starting a church is so 200 years ago), and the movement was successful, and you gained followers, what would be some of your rules? For me, I would stress obedience, I would require them to give me money, and I would want to have sex with the women. Sorry to offend, but I'm a power hungry guy who likes sex and money. If my followers really liked me as a leader, and believed the things I taught, would they have a problem with my rules? I'm thinking psychologically, once they've committed to me, it will be difficult for me to do anything to offend them to the point of leaving. I think the most difficult part of this would be getting the followers in the first place. Once you have them committed to your movement, the rest should be easy.

Post by **_Infymus** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 4:58 pm

What about wearing grapefruit around our necks and calling ourselves the Poosbies?

Post by **_Some Schmo** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 5:17 pm

I've already started a religion. It's called the New Found Light (but I generally just refer to it as the NFL). It involves church five months out of the year (Sundays and Monday evenings). My resignation letter outlined most of my religion's teachings, but in a nutshell:

- You must think for yourself
- You must have sex before marriage
- Boys must submit to their urge to masturbate
- It's against my religion to convert others to my religion (so I'm the only member)
- Swearing is a better emotional release than killing someone
- The only spirit is that which one experiences at a football game when their team wins
- Only referees are gods... well, so was Jerry Rice and Joe Montana, but they were exceptions. Payton Manning is close to godhood as well
- Porn is good for you

There are other rules and stuff, but if I wrote any more, it might seem like I'm trying to convert people, and that's against my religion. If you'd like to know more, well, go read excerpts from the Book of Schmo.

_Yoda · Post by **_Yoda** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:43 pm

Some Schmo wrote:I've already started a religion. It's called the New Found Light (but I generally just refer to it as the NFL). It involves church five months out of the year (Sundays and Monday evenings). My resignation letter outlined most of my religion's teachings, but in a nutshell:

- You must think for yourself
- You must have sex before marriage
- Boys must submit to their urge to masturbate
- It's against my religion to convert others to my religion (so I'm the only member)
- Swearing is a better emotional release than killing someone
- The only spirit is that which one experiences at a football game when their team wins
- Only referees are gods... well, so was Jerry Rice and Joe Montana, but they were exceptions. Payton Manning is close to godhood as well
- Porn is good for you

There are other rules and stuff, but if I wrote any more, it might seem like I'm trying to convert people, and that's against my religion. If you'd like to know more, well, go read excerpts from the Book of Schmo.

One more rule you should add is that you it is required to sing all of Schmo's re-written hymns! They're hilarious!

;)

Post by **_Yong Xi** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:06 pm

Guilt would be required as would discrimination of others. This would keep you feeling worthless while allowing you to feel superior.

I would also provide an overide for every member in your down line, similiar to MLM.

Post by **_Mercury** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:11 pm

No hotdogs on Friday

Post by **_Doctor Steuss** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:20 pm

Mercury wrote:No hotdogs on Friday

Cult!

Regards,
Doctor Steuss
Founder of MormonsAgainstMercury.com and TheBibleSaysHotDogsAreForFriday.org

Post by **_Some Schmo** » Mon Sep 17, 2007 10:25 pm

Doctor Steuss wrote:
Mercury wrote:No hotdogs on Friday

Cult!

Regards,
Doctor Steuss
Founder of MormonsAgainstMercury.com and TheBibleSaysHotDogsAreForFriday.org

Why would Mormons be against mercury? They have something against knowing the temperature?

by the way Merc, I could never join a church that forbids hotdogs in any way. That's just not kosher with me.

Post by **_Mercury** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 4:40 am

Steuss, Schmo, it was a veiled reference to the Church of the Subgenius.

Post by **_The Nehor** » Tue Sep 18, 2007 4:54 am

SatanWasSetUp wrote:If you started a church (or movement. Starting a church is so 200 years ago), and the movement was successful, and you gained followers, what would be some of your rules? For me, I would stress obedience, I would require them to give me money, and I would want to have sex with the women. Sorry to offend, but I'm a power hungry guy who likes sex and money. If my followers really liked me as a leader, and believed the things I taught, would they have a problem with my rules? I'm thinking psychologically, once they've committed to me, it will be difficult for me to do anything to offend them to the point of leaving. I think the most difficult part of this would be getting the followers in the first place. Once you have them committed to your movement, the rest should be easy.

Since you claim this is why Joseph started a Church does that mean you have the same moral character as the Joseph Smith you believe existed?

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If you started a church, what would be your rules?

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