Why I love Utah

[_Runtu]

Not a day goes by here that I don't see or hear something either hilarious or cringe-worthy about the LDS church reflected in popular Utah County culture.

When we arrived, we noticed billboards for "Return with Honor: A Missionary Homecoming Story" which is apparently a melodramatic film about a missionary's near-death experience (I wonder if Robert Hales gets a commission for the title). That induced some eye-rolling among my kids. Then we started hearing ads for a film "based on the story of Alma the Younger) which has my kids laughing so hard every time that I haven't been able to hear the film's title. There's the Missionary Mall and across the parking lot, the Sister Missionary Mall. Travel agencies sell "temple tours" (with the attendant weepy testimony-bearing ads).

Some personal favorites:

"Mountain Meadows Trail Mix" sold at the BYU Creamery.
A tattoo parlor with "Missionary Discounts!" in bold letters.
Caffeine-free Mountain Dew.

I really love this place.

[_silentkid]

Caffeine-free Mountain Dew.

A sure sign that the end is near. ;)

This makes me think back on my first days at BYU. My family and I went to University Mall to get some stuff. I remember checking out the Missionary Emporium store and nearly dying from laughter. I couldn't believe that such a place existed. As for the LDS themed movies, I'm still waiting for the hard R version of Ammon's arm chopping spree.

[_moksha]

"Return with Honor: A Missionary Homecoming Story".

Sometimes any and all emotions are used in order to sell a product. It is the sin of commercialization.

"Mountain Meadows Trail Mix" sold at the BYU Creamery.

A mix of chaste fruits and nuts?

[_The Nehor]

Not a day goes by here that I don't see or hear something either hilarious or cringe-worthy about the LDS church reflected in popular Utah County culture.

When we arrived, we noticed billboards for "Return with Honor: A Missionary Homecoming Story" which is apparently a melodramatic film about a missionary's near-death experience (I wonder if Robert Hales gets a commission for the title). That induced some eye-rolling among my kids. Then we started hearing ads for a film "based on the story of Alma the Younger) which has my kids laughing so hard every time that I haven't been able to hear the film's title. There's the Missionary Mall and across the parking lot, the Sister Missionary Mall. Travel agencies sell "temple tours" (with the attendant weepy testimony-bearing ads).

Some personal favorites:

"Mountain Meadows Trail Mix" sold at the BYU Creamery.
A tattoo parlor with "Missionary Discounts!" in bold letters.
Caffeine-free Mountain Dew.

I really love this place.

Utah scares me.

[_Scottie]

Caffeine-free Mountain Dew.

Ok, I gotta admit, I'm a well-known Dew addict. I have bought the caffeine free stuff trying to get off of the Dew before.

My logic was that as long as I have a Dew flavored drink, I can trick my mind into thinking it had a real Dew, complete with Caffeine. It didn't work.

Lets not forget Macey's grocery store which closes Sat at midnight so the employees don't have to work on Sunday, but they sell coffee and beer.
No beer sales on Sunday AT ALL. Well, this actually got overridden in Spanish Fork, but I think the rest of Utah County can't sell beer on Sunday.
Knee-Shorts. A store dedicated to selling shorts that are long enough to cover garments bottoms.
And, woe to the single non-Mormon that wants to get a 2nd date. It's amazing to see the garment checking methods these women use. Like, when they laugh and put their hand on my leg or arm and do a quick g-check rub.

Yep. Love it.

[_Yoda]

Ok, I gotta admit, I'm a well-known Dew addict.

My brother is a Mountain Dew addict. I'm more of a Pepsi girl myself. I never really cared for Mountain Dew.

There is a difference in the taste between caffeine and non-caffeine sodas. Caffeine is a flavor enhancer as well as a stimulant.

What's funny is how the Church has changed regarding this policy. The last Ward dinner we went to, there was plenty of Pepsi, Coke, Dr. Pepper, etc. WITH caffeine on the buffet table. No one said a word.

My primary president is pregnant right now, and gets nauseated in the mornings. I bring Pepsi and soda crackers for her on Sundays all the time. LOL

[_The Dude]

Caffeine-free Mountain Dew.

Lets not forget Macey's grocery store which closes Sat at midnight so the employees don't have to work on Sunday, but they sell coffee and beer.

I worked at Macey's after my mission and met my wife there. I swear, there were more Mormon couples getting married out of that store's employee pool than from my BYU ward. It's a real institution.

No beer sales on Sunday AT ALL. Well, this actually got overridden in Spanish Fork, but I think the rest of Utah County can't sell beer on Sunday.

I thought that was the case, but there are some funny loopholes. I once ate lunch at Chili's in Orem, on a Sunday, and I moaned to the waiter that we couldn't have beer with lunch. He said we could: he could not legally serve us the regular low alcohol pissbeer they have in Utah, but Sam Adams, Heinekin, and other expensive "import" beers were certainly available on Sunday. Fine by me!

[_silentkid]

Well, this actually got overridden in Spanish Fork, but I think the rest of Utah County can't sell beer on Sunday.

My friends and I used to make the Sunday beer run from Provo down to Spanish Fork. There was a gas station right off of I-15 that had a decent selection. But if you got there too late you'd be stuck deciding between Coors Light and Natural Ice.