The acceptability of using the word 'retarded'

[_barrelomonkeys]

Why can't people merely apologize? Really? Why is that so difficult?

[_asbestosman]

Cruelty? Hmmmm....interesting characterization. I've hurt how many people by saying that? Can't think of any......

The problem with using "retarded" as a joke is that it characterizes being retarded as something mockworthy. A similar, but more considerate, point could be made by using the word "foolish" instead.

Second point: right or wrong, people will be offended by some words and not others. Even though "moron" "numbskull" "pinhead" and "imbecile" are all synonyms to "retard", people will take more offense to "retard" for whatever reason (even if my guess at the reasoning was wrong). If you are comfortable with the reactions you get from others to your words, then that is your perogative. Just be prepared to accept the consequences. Same goes with people who like to drop the f-bomb or like wearing political pins, or whatever.

[_The Nehor]

Why can't people merely apologize? Really? Why is that so difficult?

I apologize for saying that you, me, and all other Internet arguers are retarded. We're just morons. I hope we can put this behind us.

[_barrelomonkeys]

It is a cruel spirit who find it humorous to make fun of human beings with disabilities.

Odd how you don't care.

As I said... give up the, "God talks to me" story.

~dancer~

All human beings have disabilities. Yet I poke fun at many of them. Wow, my crimes just keep adding up.

Truthfully the inability to talk about mental problems HURTS the mentally handicapped. While working at the Group Home I mentioned before I noticed one boy was withdrawing. When I talked to him (I was kind of an older brother figure) he was upset that others seemed different than him and he couldn't figure out why. I explained it. Once he understood he was happy. We have a wonderful habit in the US of thinking that pretending someone doesn't have a problem is a good way of dealing with it. I also have a friend in a wheelchair. She's a master of jokes about stairs and she sincerely laughs at them. The one way to tick her off is when people pretend she is the same despite the chair. She is not. In their efforts to pretend they alienate her. Another friend in an office job I had had a stuttering problem. He had the hardest time talking. One day while he was struggling I told him to just sing what he was saying. He stared at me for a moment and then we both broke out laughing. Once the problem was acknowledged and factored in it was diminished.

Oh dear! Nehor! 'Once the problem was acknowledged and factored in it was dimished'?

Oh my goodness. I really don't know what to say to you! Seriously. I just am at a total loss of words. For me that is something!

[Alf'Omega]

Well I can tell you why I'm saddened by it... should this part of the thread be split? My daughter has high functioning autism. She is not retarded - not in the least. She's in the gifted program and is stunningly bright! Unfortunately some of her behaviors have brought predators upon her. Mainly mean spirited boys that enjoy tormenting a little girl for their amusement. She is often called 'retarded' by those that wish to humiliate her because she is 'different'.

It saddens me that people use words with an intent to hurt others. It saddens me that my daughter has to face that torment since she is incredibly bright, inquisitive, kind, and generous. When words are used to inflict harm upon those I love (even those I do not love!) it certainly does make me sad.

Quite.

OK, but that's an example of kids (and remember, we're talking about kids here) actually using the term to tease someone with akin to the actual problem (they can't be overly blamed for not knowing the difference). It's not the same thing at all. (And your story pisses me off at those kids... gives me the urge to find these boys and scare the crap out of them). And I understand why you feel the way you do, given that the topic is close to home. I just think that you make it easier to offend using that word by being offended by it. It would lose all its power with a simple flick of a switch in your brain.

But your example is not the situation here. As much as I sometimes think that some of the people who post here are mentally handicapped, I suspect they aren't really.

[_The Nehor]

Well I can tell you why I'm saddened by it... should this part of the thread be split? My daughter has high functioning autism. She is not retarded - not in the least. She's in the gifted program and is stunningly bright! Unfortunately some of her behaviors have brought predators upon her. Mainly mean spirited boys that enjoy tormenting a little girl for their amusement. She is often called 'retarded' by those that wish to humiliate her because she is 'different'.

It saddens me that people use words with an intent to hurt others. It saddens me that my daughter has to face that torment since she is incredibly bright, inquisitive, kind, and generous. When words are used to inflict harm upon those I love (even those I do not love!) it certainly does make me sad.

Quite.

OK, but that's an example of kids (and remember, we're talking about kids here) actually using the term to tease someone with that actual problem. It's not the same thing at all. (And your story pisses me off at those kids... gives me the urge to find these boys and scare the crap out of them). And I understand why you feel the way you do, given that the topic is close to home. I just think that you make it easier to offend using that word by being offended by it. It would lose all its power with a simple flick of a switch in your brain.

But your example is not the situation here. As much as I sometimes think that some of the people who post here are mentally handicapped, I suspect they aren't really.

I do agree with Monkeys here. If my intent was to take the word and use it against someone in a deliberate attempt to wound them I would be a jerk.

[_beastie]

Is this really so hard to understand?

While it's probably certain that no one posting here is mentally handicapped, it is also certain that posters here have friends, family members, or students who are, and we live with seeing those people stared at, whispered about, and ostracized. So to see people use the term as some sort of joke does hurt. It reminds us of how thoughtless and cruel the world can be to those whose only "sin" is being different.

So yes, you are hurting people. Stop pretending you're not.

This isn't the first time this issue has arisen, and it never ceases to amaze - and dismay - me that some posters just can't resist using it (and some use it frequently). Personally, I wish posts that contained these sort of jokes would be relegated to the telestial kingdom.

[_Some Schmo]

I do agree with Monkeys here. If my intent was to take the word and use it against someone in a deliberate attempt to wound them I would be a jerk.

So it's better to not use emotionally charged words when you attempt to hurt them?

[_barrelomonkeys]

Well I can tell you why I'm saddened by it... should this part of the thread be split? My daughter has high functioning autism. She is not retarded - not in the least. She's in the gifted program and is stunningly bright! Unfortunately some of her behaviors have brought predators upon her. Mainly mean spirited boys that enjoy tormenting a little girl for their amusement. She is often called 'retarded' by those that wish to humiliate her because she is 'different'.

It saddens me that people use words with an intent to hurt others. It saddens me that my daughter has to face that torment since she is incredibly bright, inquisitive, kind, and generous. When words are used to inflict harm upon those I love (even those I do not love!) it certainly does make me sad.

Quite.

OK, but that's an example of kids (and remember, we're talking about kids here) actually using the term to tease someone with that actual problem. It's not the same thing at all. (And your story pisses me off at those kids... gives me the urge to find these boys and scare the crap out of them). And I understand why you feel the way you do, given that the topic is close to home. I just think that you make it easier to offend using that word by being offended by it. It would lose all its power with a simple flick of a switch in your brain.

But your example is not the situation here. As much as I sometimes think that some of the people who post here are mentally handicapped, I suspect they aren't really.

Well I do understand that Nehor meant no disrespect to those with disabilities. It's just the idea that the term 'retarded' is meant as an insult that bothers me.

I personally would take no offense whatsoever if someone called me that. As you mentioned some of the most wonderful humans on this planet (which I've learned so much from!) are those with disabilities. It just saddens me that a stereotype is perpetrated that these gentle, compassionate humans are somehow relegated to a slur that can be used to inflict damage on others.

And that's all I'll say on it. Cause it doesn't matter. It doesn't *bother* me in the sense others may think. Just have to have my say. :)

[_Ren]

Another friend in an office job I had had a stuttering problem. He had the hardest time talking. One day while he was struggling I told him to just sing what he was saying. He stared at me for a moment and then we both broke out laughing. Once the problem was acknowledged and factored in it was diminished.

I had a REALLY bad stutter when I was a kid.

"H..h...h...h...heel..l..l..l..l..o. M...m...m...y n...n..name is.."

That kinda bad.

I've spent my whole life trying to control it - and it mainly is - but even now I have to pause before I say some things, so as to avoid stuttering.
It's especially embarrassing when you have to pause before saying your own name! You end up having a choice between stuttering like crazy, or looking like you can't even remember it...! Neither being particularly attractive :D

I know what you mean about the humour thing though Nehor.
How about this one...

"A least most peeps in the special olympics don't believe in angels that conveniently carry off Gold Plates into heaven. They may have one up on you eh...!"

..is that the kind of thing you mean?