How far is too far for suicidal thoughts?

[_barrelomonkeys]

Agree with the boys on this Nephi.

Please go talk to someone. Call someone. Anything.

I would do it now. I'm sorry.

I was suicidal about 2 months ago. Went where I could barely see... in a complete fog, when I gasped for air I thought I wanted to die because coming out of the numb was so excruciatingly painful. It lasted a good week where I could barely function. Sat considering it. Had to stop driving because I was going to drive off the side of the road, etc...

I am here now. Awake, no more fog. No numbness. I had to ask for help - I had to for my children.

Please, please, please go talk to someone.

I'll be on skype later this evening - I'll look for you. Monkeys1975

[_Doctor Steuss]

I tried to kill myself back in June.

And I really hope you realize what the world (myself included) would have lost. I am extremely grateful you are still here.

I had been having thoughts for several days, but it went from not planning anything to actually attempting in a very short time. I second what Steuss said. If you've been thinking about it for a while, you need to get help because in that moment when it changes from thoughts to actions, it might be too late.

This is too true, and it is often compounded by the fact that your ability to think rationally goes out the window.

Nephi, if you don’t already have an action plan in place, I suggest you establish one now. I would suggest something in the form of a “contract” that states exactly what you will do when the thoughts are endangering you. It should include who you will contact, where you will go, etc. I would sign it, and then give a copy to your wife and anyone else who may be on your “who you will contact” list. It’s best to have several aspects (i.e. contingency plans) in case the first doesn’t pan out “perfectly.” But, most important, you need to have a plan in place before hand as when the moment comes, you won’t be able to create one.

[_Ray A]

Nephi, I don't mean to be flippant in any way, but Bertrand Russell, the famous philosopher, once seriously thought of suicide, but he said he was too interested in mathematics to go ahead with it. Your children are a much greater cause. Abraham Lincoln also thought about suicide, and you might be surprised at how many great historical figures have contemplated it at some stage. As they say, sometimes there's a fine line between genius and madness.

[_Nephi]

Nephi, I don't mean to be flippant in any way, but Bertrand Russell, the famous philosopher, once seriously thought of suicide, but he said he was too interested in mathematics to go ahead with it. Your children are a much greater cause. Abraham Lincoln also thought about suicide, and you might be surprised at how many great historical figures have contemplated it at some stage. As they say, sometimes there's a fine line between genius and madness.

Many individuals throught my lifetime and through human history are famous for ending their own lives in some sort of way. Can't say I am going to put forth an action plan, and I really am not sure why I posted this here to begin with. Regardless, thanks for the advice, and I will decide where I go from here.

[_Ray A]

and I really am not sure why I posted this here to begin with.

Because of your honesty. And that's the way to live, by being honest with yourself, and others, as far as possible. I flirted with thoughts of suicide when I was 19, before I joined the Church, and then when I joined I was sorry I didn't carry it out. (I'm joking!)

Best wishes, and I do like your posts, and your thoughts. At one stage I thought I was the only mad universalist in the Church :)

[_Nephi]

and I really am not sure why I posted this here to begin with.

Because of your honesty. And that's the way to live, by being honest with yourself, and others, as far as possible. I flirted with thoughts of suicide when I was 19, before I joined the Church, and then when I joined I was sorry I didn't carry it out. (I'm joking!)

Best wishes, and I do like your posts, and your thoughts. At one stage I thought I was the only mad universalist in the Church :)

Not to blame the church, but I have become more depressed since we joined the church than before it. Glad I am not the only Universalist Mormon either, heh.

[_Ray A]

Not to blame the church, but I have become more depressed since we joined the church than before it. Glad I am not the only Universalist Mormon either, heh.

In the mid 80s I felt the same way, after I started reading "alternative history". At one stage I felt like Mormonism had me in a spider's web (the Church, anyway), and I prayed, "God, deliver me from this". I felt the demands were greater than my shrinking orthodox beliefs, and it caused serious internal conflict. When I left the Church, I felt all my burdens lifted, and a new zest for life return. Obviously there was a price to pay for that, too, which resulted in my eventual marriage breakdown years later, since the Church was what bound our marriage. (Not saying this will happen to you!)

I don't blame the Church. It was my decision in 1975, and I wore all the consequences of that decision. If it is the Church causing these inner feelings - then walk away. For your own sanity. In time you can come to view this in a positive light, with no need to turn on the Church in any way.

[_Bond...James Bond]

If you've been thinking about it for a while, you need to get help because in that moment when it changes from thoughts to actions, it might be too late.

This is probably more true than what I said...

[_Blixa]

Let me add my voice to the wisdom already shown here by all the posters so far: this is one thread where everyone has had something true and good to say.

I've been there several times, too. And gone as far as runtu, once. I'm awfully glad I wasn't successful. And while I still have moments of depression and may deal with that all my life, I doubt I will ever feel that bad again---I think I've been able to get to an entirely better place in my head. At one time I would have never thought that to be possible, or even been able to conceive of the many strange and beautiful things that have actually "come true" in my life. This is why I'm so adamant about the importance of "history," which I conceive as the conceptual category of the future as well as the past---and you can't entirely control or predict it.

[_Nephi]

Not to blame the church, but I have become more depressed since we joined the church than before it. Glad I am not the only Universalist Mormon either, heh.

In the mid 80s I felt the same way, after I started reading "alternative history". At one stage I felt like Mormonism had me in a spider's web (the Church, anyway), and I prayed, "God, deliver me from this". I felt the demands were greater than my shrinking orthodox beliefs, and it caused serious internal conflict. When I left the Church, I felt all my burdens lifted, and a new zest for life return. Obviously there was a price to pay for that, too, which resulted in my eventual marriage breakdown years later, since the Church was what bound our marriage. (Not saying this will happen to you!)

I don't blame the Church. It was my decision in 1975, and I wore all the consequences of that decision. If it is the Church causing these inner feelings - then walk away. For your own sanity. In time you can come to view this in a positive light, with no need to turn on the Church in any way.

I have putting more distance between myself and the church since we moved into this new ward. However, I can not say that church has caused my depression anymore than I can say that the rise in average global temperature is caused by the dwindling number of pirates on the earth. So I stay where I am, searching as I have always. I will say this, my marriage and my children concern me for I do not want to lose them by walking away from the church. So if it boiled down to this (and it has not yet), it would be a choice between being true to myself or staying status quo to keep my family happy.

I am not saying this is where I am, but I definitely see that road bump ahead. Sucks, that's for sure.