Exmos

[_Doctor Steuss]

gramps, their loss.

Thankful that you hang about the boards.

Indeed. I'm sorry you had to go through that (and are still...).

It’s threads like this that stand as evidence that people who leave the Church are rational, emotionally healthy individuals. Well, most of them are at least (I don’t know anyone who could read Infymus’ post and get the feeling that they’re dealing with an emotionally healthy and rational individual).

[_evolving]

i'm still on the books - but if push came to shove - in my next "how's your testimony" meeting, I would gladly push my TR a crossed the desk and walk away forever - it expires in a few months anyway - possibly, Will, Charity or Loran will develop Book of Abraham apologetics that will not require me to indefinitely suspend judgment or rely on definitions of the supernatural that only have plausible explanations if you really really really want it to be true.. -- if that were to happen -- I would be more humble, and ask for apologetic help with the 47 other things on my "why the church is not what it claims to be" list...

so to answer your question --

let see - I was Depressed, Angry, Mystified, Enraged, Confused, Introverted, Frustrated - and finally

I am now relieved. I am relieved I do not have to read something that makes no sense, and have to make sense out of it. I am relieved that I will not be practicing eternal polygamy, or care weather or not Joseph was banging Fanny. I am relieved I no longer care where nephi lived, or if nephi was a real person. I am relieved I no longer have to wonder about where dinosaurs came from, or care if the flood was global or local. I am relieved I no longer have an inter shelf of unanswered questions... I am relieved I no longer have to stuff every thing I learn, into a reality box that is to small to contain reality. I am relieved I no longer have to rely on feelings to make life altering decisions... I am relieved when I look back through my life, and remember all of the hours I spent on my knees waiting for god to give me instructions.. that it was not my fault he never talked to me...


I now view Church as a social club, with weird beliefs thankfully, I no longer have.. I take it on my terms, I am not afraid to say "I don't believe that" or ask the question "why do you believe that" -- I am open to almost anything.. and I do not see the "Church" as a big bad, mean, evil thing.. Belief systems and religions play a role in our society, and I am just playing along. If the day comes when I no longer see the benefits outweighing the drawbacks. that is the day I walk away, and work like hell to keep my family together...

[_guy sajer]

Just wondering if I could ask a couple of questions?

1. How did you feel when you figured out that the church isn't what it claims to be?

During the period in which I was trying to work it all out, I felt trapped. I wanted out, but couldn't see a way to do it.

Once I finally made the mental break, the feeling was akin to be let out of prison--exhiliration.

Once I was able to make the physical break (resign from BYU and stop church attendance)--relief, time for a new chapter in life.

2. How do you feel now towards the church?

Annoyed. It's like an annoying minor illness that just won't go away. It just hangs around, never serious enough to cause bad damage, but bad enough to cause constant annoyance and discomfort.

I wish it would go away. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and Mormonism would have nothing to do with my life.

Sadly, I cannot escape it. Too many family entanglements.

[_Scottie]

When you are TBM, it's not like other religions, where the religion and God are just one more thing in your life. The religion IS your life. Every decision I made was somehow influenced by my LDS upbringing. God and the spirit were always there, guiding me through life.

However, I have posted before that I have always struggled with the concept of God. Why was my belief in God any more real than the Greeks believed in Zeus, or the Vikings in Odin or the Romans in Jupiter?? These gods were all too real to these people, yet they seem silly to us. What if 500 years from now, people look back and think how silly our belief in Elohim and Jesus were. But those thoughts were akin to a dirty thought to me. When I would start to think them, I would push them away. After all, look at how blessed I was, and I didn't want God to take those blessing away by doubting His existence. As we were all taught, EVERYTHING we have is because God has allowed us to have it, and he can take everything away at a whim.

So, the loss of faith in Mormonism wasn't just a loss of religion, it was a loss of belief in God. I no longer had this foundation on which I had built my entire life. There was a gaping hole now. I had to redefine who I was and where I could draw spiritual strength.

I was also "love bombed" from all sides. I had to engage in apologetics so that I could defend the onslaught of the loving members on my family and ward. The fact that they couldn't respect my beliefs caused much unnecessary contention, which also fueled my anger.

It has been close to 3 years now since I've been out, and my anger has subsided. I can go back to church, and respect the good that is being taught. I still shake my head often at the obvious "Twinkies" that are often recited in class. And I still hear things that the likes of DCP, Pahoran, Julieann, etc. claim to have NEVER ONCE heard in church. I still wonder what church they go to??

[_Zoidberg]

1)I think I owe my deconversion to a polygamist message board and chat room. I was trying to comprehend polygyny and why God would want to institute it as an eternal arrangement at least in some cases, so I figured I'd talk to polygynists and get their insight. Although some of the people there were pretty cool, I was stunned by the unquestioning acceptance of the Christian polygamist interpretation of the Bible, which is very literal. God says the woman is for the man and is to be submissive. God does not expressly forbid polygyny, so it's okay. But, even though there are more men than women, God forbids polyandry and women who practice it are whores. A threesome with two women and one man is not expressly forbidden anywhere, so it's okay. But if two men are having sex, they deserve to be stoned because God said so.

I found it amazing that those people would hold on to such notions even though they made no sense whatsoever. But then I realized I was doing the same thing. Going to some LDS message boards and blogs (since the talk I had with my BP about polygamy and him quoting the verses about Emma being destroyed if she does not comply taught me not to bring up issues like that at church) and receiving the cookie cutter response "it may not make sense now, but you are lacking faith for doubting what God has revealed" confirmed that the prevalent attitude among members (and recommended by the GAs over and over) was that of blind obedience. They may not call it that, but that's what it is.

I was sad for having lost that feeling of security I had when a set of rules by which I should live was handed to me. Since I am a very indecisive and uncertain person, it's hard for me to figure out what is the right thing to do sometimes. But realizing that moral absolutism is BS has also been helpful because now I'm not constantly worried about sinning.

2) I feel fine towards the Church now. There are plenty of Mormons who are terrific people. I was very happy as a Mormon. I do have a problem with people who think there is virtue in shunning other perspectives.

I also don't feel the constant need to avoid hurting other people's feelings. I realize that someone's feelings are going to be hurt no matter what I say or how I phrase it. So I just speak my mind. It's been pretty liberating.

I don't feel the need to "bring down the Church", but the Church has been guilty of trying to influence legislation to impose their views on society. I don't have a problem with vocally opposing such actions on their part, as well as racism, sexism and child abuse that are viewed by many as the perfect arrangement. If it were possible for the Church to get rid of those elements, I would have no problem with it at all.

[_The Dude]

Just wondering if I could ask a couple of questions?

1. How did you feel when you figured out that the church isn't what it claims to be?

Thrilled. I felt like I had finally solved a problem that had been nagging my soul for years. I thought I knew freedom when I finished my 2 year mission and returned to the "real" world, but finishing my Mormon experience once and for all was the real opening of my life.

2. How do you feel now towards the church?

Ambivalent. There are worse religions. Mormonism has some good points and from interacting with Mormons on MADB I have a better appreciation for the different ways people deal with their membership. It helps me get along with my still-mormon parents and siblings.

[_Trinity]

1. How did you feel when you figured out that the church isn't what it claims to be?

It's hard to explain. I felt guarded, and untrusting. It was a clear paradigm shift and when I found myself on the outside looking in, I was overwhelmed with all the stimuli from the inside (inconceivables remarks about knowing how the reaction from family would be and trying to figure out ways to spare them, and how I was going to raise my children outside the church and whether or not my spouse would understand, etc) with all of the freeing stimuli I was feeling on the outside. I extricated myself quite slowly from the church, and was still a leader and a teacher several years into my agnosticism, I was so anxious not to cause any ripples. I was very, very careful about what I would and would not say to family members.

The untrusting part came from the clear realization that these people who surrounded me who were just soooo sure about everything, and so knowledgeable in their convictions about truth........they didn't know a darned thing. And the fact that they went around proclaiming they knew just ticked me off. I went through quite a period of time where I didn't trust a word that came out of any mouth that was speaking at church...except to privately acknowledge that their version of truth was coming from their innards and nowhere else. That helped temper my anger, I think. Still, I didn't trust that anyone claiming anything authoritative about God, or truth, or anything churchy had any clue about what they were talking about. Plus, I detest, and still do to this day, the artificial aspect of people in the church. They have been warned for so long to be a good example, and to be strong, blah blah, that they are afraid to show weakness. That is one thing I absolutely found refreshing being on the postmormon boards. It is like a free ticket for people to finally express doubt, and be able to question or say they are lonely or scared when they are lonely or scared. And they can do it without it having to be in a faith-promoting context.

As far as raising my children, I was at a loss for a long time. My family heritage is in Mormonism. When I was growing up, the fact my ancestors were principal characters in the origin of Mormonism gave me a great sense of pride and self. I didn't know what to replace it with, and hubby was still in the church so the issue of our children was a sticky point, to say the least. I worried incessantly about how my loss of belief would translate into my children's lives, their social structure, their feelings of self worth, etc. And since I knew nothing but Mormonism, I bumped around in the dark to try and replace these things outside of the religion. It was challenging. It still is challenging.

2. How do you feel now towards the church?

I am surrounded by Mormons. My family is also heavily steeped. I feel isolated sometimes. Whenever I get a call from a neighbor, I am distrusting of why they are interested in being my friend because I suspect I am an assigned task somewhere on a sheet at the church building. I hate that. I still feel guarded when discussing anything with this group. I am a people person and understand where the churchy people are in my life. At the same time I realize they have no idea where I am at and this saddens me because I think I'm a pretty good person and I know that this one fact that I have abandoned Mormonism is one that would cause people to reject me regardless of how good a person I might be. It's disappointing on all levels. I also think my feelings about church doctrine and origins and culture are about the same as they were when I left. Thumbs down.

I've never found Mormonism amusing. I took it seriously when I was in it. It has caused me much grief in my life. For instance, here I am, over a decade of losing belief in Mormonism, talking about Mormonism. Talk about a waste. The only upshot is that I have found people who have also walked this rocky trail and we can commiserate together. Still, I would like to imagine a world without Mormonism in it.

[_MishMagnet]

At the exact moment I felt the thrill of joy in my heart, like a caged bird who realizes the door is actually open and I'm free to go. For months prior to this moment I had taken the missionary lessons and had resumed trying to pound myself into the round hole of the church, mental gymnastics and all that. It hadn't occured to me until this exact moment that perhaps Joseph Smith was no different than any other person who claimed to be a prophet. It was a brand new idea to me. One moment I was inside the church looking out and the next I was outside looking in, it happened that fast. I did not know at that time the information I'd discovered trying to bolster my testimony of Joseph Smith was the tip of the iceburg. For more than 5 years I read nothing else, I sought out nobody else like myself.

I don't know that I've ever been angry at the church. I've felt deep grief, grief that has almost consumed me. My father has been in the Bishopric or the Stake Presidency for 27 straight years. I have basically not had a present father since I was 10 years old. My father was the ward's, he didn't really have a choice. I've received calls myself - I've just tried to commit suicide, I need your dad to come to the hospital. My wife just left me. We have no food, we need help. My husband has just beaten me, the police are on their way. My son just stole a handgun, we need the Bishop. These were just the calls that *I* took, who in the world knows what happened at Church. This has to be 1/1000th of what my dad has dealt with in 27 years. This is the main issue that causes me grief. That I needed my father, I longed for him and he wasn't there. He was the ward's. My childhood is gone.

I also feel grief, deep grief over the experience that started me away from the church. My engagement while at BYU. I had a spiritual confirmation so strong that I felt lifted up off the ground and completely comforted. This confirmation set me on a path that led to the lowest point of my life.

I feel grief for my family members who go back to Heber C. Kimball and the heartache they suffered at the hands of a person I believe is a false prophet. Their stories of polygamy, families torn apart, homelands left behind, etc, cause me even more sadness.

And then further sadness when my heartache is brushed aside and written off - she wanted to sin. She was looking for a way out. It was too hard for her. She's been deceived by Satan.

Today I was going grocery shopping and passed the missionaries on their bikes. I thought - if I see them at the store I'm going to ask to pay for their groceries. I started thinking about what I would say to keep it short and sweet. I'm a mother. I'm a woman who's loved many missionaries (only one in the romantic sense) and I know their food budget has been lowered. I have a soft spot for them in my heart. I don't feel it's their fault that they've been groomed from the cradle for this. (oh no, wrong thing to say, don't say that to them Mishie, just say you want to pay for their grocieries and leave it at that.)

[_Gadianton]

Just wondering if I could ask a couple of questions?

1. How did you feel when you figured out that the church isn't what it claims to be?

2. How do you feel now towards the church?

I'd say I was mostly disappointed when I figured it out. It was like my best friend, in whom I had placed all my trust, had turned out to be totally dishonest and using me.

These days I mostly find Mormonism amusing. I know, that probably doesn't sound very kind, but I guess I think back on how seriously I took it all, and it just makes me smile.

It was a gradual process over about 4-5 years post mission. the main intellectual thing was the Bible. The Bible has to be true for the church to be true and I just couldn't accept it. That was a gradual decision. Since it was gradual I didn't feel very betrayed. It was some time after that, and on these boards that I learned about all of Joseph Smith's and the bretheren's horn doggery and general bad behavior. I'll admit it started pissing me off a bit mainly because of the overzealous appearance of morality that the church pushes today.

[_Jason Bourne]

Not really and exmo. Rather a liberal hypocrite.

Just wondering if I could ask a couple of questions?

1. How did you feel when you figured out that the church isn't what it claims to be?

Depressed, sad, angry, confused, kicked in the stomach, etc.....

2. How do you feel now towards the church?

I love this goofy thing called Mormonism and mostly love Mormons of all flavors, even the exmos! But I have shifted that ole paradigm thing to accomodate religion in general because I want religion as part of my life and for me I think the LDS Church still works best.

But a lot of the literalism is gone, the Church is not the ONE TRUE CHURCH and all that it used to be for me an this really still makes me sad. Want to go back at times, but cannot. The genie is out of the bottle.