Legal advice, please

[_Dr. Shades]

I was just recently award a substantial raise in my job and now she is trying to come to me for more money.

How on earth did she find out that you got a raise?

[_Bond...James Bond]

Gonna be hard to use the "blood from a turnip" argument. I'm with you on this one dude. I believe that by and large the man in a divorce gets a raw deal.

Yeah. The pendulum has swung mightily in favor of women (where it once was greatly in favor of men) in the divorce area.

Good luck Scottie.

(Divorce and the way money gets dispersed and whatnot really irritates me...Really makes me think twice about ever getting married).

[_asbestosman]

Really makes me think twice about ever getting married).

And gays are begging to get married. More proof that love is irrational.

[_Bond...James Bond]

Really makes me think twice about ever getting married).

And gays are begging to get married. More proof that love is irrational.

Talk about a real issue...who is the better parent in a gay relationship when it comes to a theoretical gay marriage divorce? I mean you can't really play the "women are more nurturing" card if both parents are women can you?

[_Black Moclips]

I'm not a lawyer so I have no idea what the legal issues are. However, let me just throw out some perspective. I'm not divorced, but my parents were divorced when I was 11 or so. We had 5 kids in our family and my mother had always been a stay at home mom (with no professional career or schooling to fall back on). So my dad had to pay child support and alimony, but even still, we had to move from our nice house to a small two bedroom home (very cramped to say the least). My mom went back and got some job training and worked part time to help makes ends meet. As it was, we squeeked by with the bare minimum of things. At some point, years later, she did go back to court and get an increase because it just wasn't enough.

What I remember most about the whole situation between my parents though, was the frequent complaing by my dad about how much he had to pay. What I could never understand was that he was acting like the money he gave my mom went to some personal luxury account that she spent on to buy jewelry, cars, and cloths. Nothing could have been farther from the truth. Every cent, alimony, child support, whatever, went to food, cloths, school supplies, and all of the other thousands of things it could go to when you have children. Even as a kid, I would think to myself, why doesn't my dad want to help us out? Did he even realize how we felt when he complained in front of us? I don't even know how child support and alimony get factored today, and I'm sure it probably varies by state. But there is a chance that all of it together doesn't cover all of the expenses.

Anyway, I'm not judging you or saying what you should do because I don't know you or your situation. I understand that often times the reaction in these situations is that "I'm not paying that @#$@#$ one more cent". But just realize, that if she has full custody of the children, their lives are invariably intertwined with your wife, and when you seek to hurt her (financially or emotionally or whatever), it impacts the kids as well. I'm just throwing that out generally and not saying you are trying to hurt her. I would just be careful of what you say infront of your children regarding their mother. Again, just my feelings as one who went through it as a child. I'm sure there can be and are different situations that would require different approaches.

[_Scottie]

I'm not a lawyer so I have no idea what the legal issues are. However, let me just throw out some perspective. I'm not divorced, but my parents were divorced when I was 11 or so. We had 5 kids in our family and my mother had always been a stay at home mom (with no professional career or schooling to fall back on). So my dad had to pay child support and alimony, but even still, we had to move from our nice house to a small two bedroom home (very cramped to say the least). My mom went back and got some job training and worked part time to help makes ends meet. As it was, we squeeked by with the bare minimum of things. At some point, years later, she did go back to court and get an increase because it just wasn't enough.

What I remember most about the whole situation between my parents though, was the frequent complaing by my dad about how much he had to pay. What I could never understand was that he was acting like the money he gave my mom went to some personal luxury account that she spent on to buy jewelry, cars, and cloths. Nothing could have been farther from the truth. Every cent, alimony, child support, whatever, went to food, cloths, school supplies, and all of the other thousands of things it could go to when you have children. Even as a kid, I would think to myself, why doesn't my dad want to help us out? Did he even realize how we felt when he complained in front of us? I don't even know how child support and alimony get factored today, and I'm sure it probably varies by state. But there is a chance that all of it together doesn't cover all of the expenses.

Anyway, I'm not judging you or saying what you should do because I don't know you or your situation. I understand that often times the reaction in these situations is that "I'm not paying that @#$@#$ one more cent". But just realize, that if she has full custody of the children, their lives are invariably intertwined with your wife, and when you seek to hurt her (financially or emotionally or whatever), it impacts the kids as well. I'm just throwing that out generally and not saying you are trying to hurt her. I would just be careful of what you say infront of your children regarding their mother. Again, just my feelings as one who went through it as a child. I'm sure there can be and are different situations that would require different approaches.

I appreciate your comments, and I agree with you. My ex and I NEVER discuss money issues in front of the kids. Or any other problems, for that matter.

Like I said, I don't mind paying the alimony. I do feel some responsibility because we did agree that she would sacrifice her career to raise the kids. It's just this greediness on her part that irritates me.

And, she does often complain about being VERY tight with money, to which my response is always "well, then stop paying tithing!" She doesn't like that one too much.

[_truth dancer]

hey Moclips...

Your situation is reflective of the vast majority of situations I have seen.

The fact is, when a mom stays at home, for ten, twenty, or thirty years, in spite of going back to school and trying to start a career, she will NEVER make the same amount of money as her husband.

And, going to school, working, and raising children as a single mom is a lot different than the dad, moving up the career ladder, having the children every other weekend.

I'm sure there are times the father is ripped off but I rarely see it, (can't even think of one case at the moment), and the stats are pretty clear that typically after a divorce the husband's lifestyle gets better while the mom's gets worse, often much worse.

My observation is that usually neither the husband or wife feel they got the good end of the deal. :-(

~dancer~

[_bcspace]

And, she does often complain about being VERY tight with money, to which my response is always "well, then stop paying tithing!" She doesn't like that one too much.

I hope she's not paying tithing on the alimony. That's YOUR responsibility......

[_skippy the dead]

And, she does often complain about being VERY tight with money, to which my response is always "well, then stop paying tithing!" She doesn't like that one too much.

I hope she's not paying tithing on the alimony. That's YOUR responsibility......

Not according to my mom's bishop.

[_truth dancer]

And, she does often complain about being VERY tight with money, to which my response is always "well, then stop paying tithing!" She doesn't like that one too much.

I have to say, if money intended to support my children was going to the church I would be pretty angry. I think a non-LDS lawyer would take this into consideration no?

~dancer~