I've tried to bring up some of these situations earlier on, but (and I guess this is unique to him) Steve takes everything so personally. If you bring up an issue that needs to be changed, he thinks you're telling him he's a bad person.
To be honest, I think he likes the joint account because of the fact that since I make more money and get paid weekly, he always has that cushion. But I have opened up a second account for myself (oh, he was pissed about that, don't understand why).
We're not talking after the fact, we're not talking very much right now. He knows I'm not happy, but I don't think he's ready yet to really examine why. The issues I have brought up have nothing to do with him as a person, but I feel that his unwillingness to face them speaks of an internal issue. And it's making me mad.
We'll see what happens next, but I'm all for peace and quiet right now...
Just a teenager?
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_Sam Harris
- _Emeritus
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_TygerFang
- _Emeritus
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well I guess it's my turn to give my two cents :-). As far as rules and consequences go both are a requirement. If someone can get away with something they will get away with something (I know I do). If you tell the 'evil' twin she can't have something or take something away (like her cell phone or going to myspace) you'll have to really watch for her trying to sneek it past you. (and it's really easy to sneak past parents let me assure you lol).
Also, really talk to Steve; if you're the only one doing these things you're going to be the evil dictator, and they'll think that you're the only one who wants to do these things. Try telling him in a way that he knows that you're not judging him, but you're trying to help him and make things better. I have no parenting skills or relationship knowledge seeing as I'm still a teenager so take this however you wish. The most I can tell you for certain is the easiest ways to get things past parents :-).
Also, really talk to Steve; if you're the only one doing these things you're going to be the evil dictator, and they'll think that you're the only one who wants to do these things. Try telling him in a way that he knows that you're not judging him, but you're trying to help him and make things better. I have no parenting skills or relationship knowledge seeing as I'm still a teenager so take this however you wish. The most I can tell you for certain is the easiest ways to get things past parents :-).
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_Gazelam
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 5659
- Joined: Thu Oct 26, 2006 2:06 am
Sam,
I know a guy, who knows a guy, if ya know what I mean......
Gaz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OpTfJjvSPI
I know a guy, who knows a guy, if ya know what I mean......
Gaz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OpTfJjvSPI
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato
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_Sam Harris
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 2261
- Joined: Tue Nov 28, 2006 2:35 am
Hey All,
I appreciate all the valuable advice on this subject. It's been an interesting weekend. I think that Steve is starting to see that now that he has a place for the girls to come to, and they'll be seeing him more, that there's much more involved with being with them than buying them things. The feisty one will be leaving this weekend, we thought she'd be leaving next weekend, but her school schedule is year-round. Mellow twin is staying with us.
Tyger, you are right about not wanting to be the villain. Still, there are moments when I've let feisty twin know that she needs to both respect her father and his house. She was a little better this weekend, but I could see the smoke coming out of Steve's ears. He finally snatched her up a bit verbally, and came and talked to me. I told him that the reason why she was trying him was for the same reason I tried my father. There's a bit of anger that he's not "there" (meaning with her mother), not to mention she's used to him simply buying them things. I told him that if they ever came to live with us, they'd expect for it to always be the way it was when they were "vacationing" with us (meaning constant shopping) unless he cut back on that a bit. The point of them being here is to spend time with him. I want this home to be a second home for them, once we get a house I want for them to have their own room (not a guest room) with their own style and their own things. But with that comes a respect for the house rules.
Steve told me that he feels like he doesn't really know how to be a parent. It's rare that he is so open with me. I think that in time as he has a chance to spend more time with the girls, things will hopefully even out.
We were laughing in the kitchen yesterday, because I was telling him about my nanny escapades. I've cared for kids of all ages, and though rebellious teen behavior is annoying to me, it's not new. I told him about some of the kids I've cared for, and how I kind of had an advantage in the beginning over them, because I was an unknown to them. In the beginning, those kids never knew what I would do or what I would be like, whether I would be nanny from hell or whether I'd be a push-over. I'm still somewhat of an unknown to the girls too, but they're too busy eating us out of house and home and watching MTV to care much. :-)
Funny thing happened this weekend, we told the girls I was pregnant. They took it well, and are excited (which is a blessing, I wanted to kill my little brother when I first met him). Feisty one said, "I figured that was what was wrong with you, what with you sleeping all the time, I ain't stupid!". ROFL Okay then!
I appreciate all the valuable advice on this subject. It's been an interesting weekend. I think that Steve is starting to see that now that he has a place for the girls to come to, and they'll be seeing him more, that there's much more involved with being with them than buying them things. The feisty one will be leaving this weekend, we thought she'd be leaving next weekend, but her school schedule is year-round. Mellow twin is staying with us.
Tyger, you are right about not wanting to be the villain. Still, there are moments when I've let feisty twin know that she needs to both respect her father and his house. She was a little better this weekend, but I could see the smoke coming out of Steve's ears. He finally snatched her up a bit verbally, and came and talked to me. I told him that the reason why she was trying him was for the same reason I tried my father. There's a bit of anger that he's not "there" (meaning with her mother), not to mention she's used to him simply buying them things. I told him that if they ever came to live with us, they'd expect for it to always be the way it was when they were "vacationing" with us (meaning constant shopping) unless he cut back on that a bit. The point of them being here is to spend time with him. I want this home to be a second home for them, once we get a house I want for them to have their own room (not a guest room) with their own style and their own things. But with that comes a respect for the house rules.
Steve told me that he feels like he doesn't really know how to be a parent. It's rare that he is so open with me. I think that in time as he has a chance to spend more time with the girls, things will hopefully even out.
We were laughing in the kitchen yesterday, because I was telling him about my nanny escapades. I've cared for kids of all ages, and though rebellious teen behavior is annoying to me, it's not new. I told him about some of the kids I've cared for, and how I kind of had an advantage in the beginning over them, because I was an unknown to them. In the beginning, those kids never knew what I would do or what I would be like, whether I would be nanny from hell or whether I'd be a push-over. I'm still somewhat of an unknown to the girls too, but they're too busy eating us out of house and home and watching MTV to care much. :-)
Funny thing happened this weekend, we told the girls I was pregnant. They took it well, and are excited (which is a blessing, I wanted to kill my little brother when I first met him). Feisty one said, "I figured that was what was wrong with you, what with you sleeping all the time, I ain't stupid!". ROFL Okay then!
Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances. -Ghandi