I'm Not A Monster

[_Moniker]

Hi. I'm going to post a reply so no one is worried about me. Because I worry that people are worrying about me and that's an endless loop I can do without. :)

I'm fine. I got quite a bit of sleep and that seemed to put my synapses back into order. The worst part about being a sufferer of PTSD is that you recognize you're crazy when you're dealing with it, and afterwards it sort of comes home how insane you are. I wish I really was crazy then I wouldn't even know it. :)

For anyone confused. When I was 18 years old I was a snotty, cute lil girl that wouldn't give a boy the time of day and he wanted my attention. To get my attention he wanted to shock me. He pulled a gun out and played with it and ended up shooting himself while we were staring into each others eyes. He was smiling, I was not. I tended to him until the paramedics arrived and I never got treatment for PTSD until this last year. I dealt with it by myself because until the last year I didn't really have any symptoms show up. So, needless to say putting off things for 14 years is never a good idea. Yet, I am a procrastinator. :)

Anyway, I'm going to take a wee break from the board and will probably be sucked back in if there are any threads of interest. I don't want anyone to have to tip-toe about me, yet, I'm going to be honest. I'm usually fairly calm, yet, lately when I get agitated that merely means I need space. The stress of divorce and the one year anniversary of my separation sort of creeped up on me in an unexpected way. So, if I seem hypersensitive to insults it's because I am hypersensitive, at times. Of course if you know me then you also know that plenty of times I let them roll right off and don't think twice about it.

Anyway, I'm going back to therapy to try some new medication that may help with alleviating the hypervigilance attack I just had. Just think of it as a panic attack -- that's essentially what it is.

I'll miss you guys, and take care. I'm sure I'll be back, and if I'm not don't worry 'bout me. I'll be fine.

Love you all.

[_Yoda]

Love you, too, Moniker. :)

We'll keep the light on for you. ;)

[_Gazelam]

Take care Moni, you will be missed until you return.

[_Ren]

Take care of yourself Mon. And go easy on yourself too.
...Blixa's post was spot on... You're the complete opposite of a monster...

[_Sam Harris]

I'm a monster. Mon, you are not a monster. Saw a Dr. Phil ad today about "Momzillas" (moms-to-be). Perhaps I'll enter myself.

:-)

P.S. Listen to Blixa

[_ajax18]

Hi. I'm going to post a reply so no one is worried about me. Because I worry that people are worrying about me and that's an endless loop I can do without. :)

I'm fine. I got quite a bit of sleep and that seemed to put my synapses back into order. The worst part about being a sufferer of PTSD is that you recognize you're crazy when you're dealing with it, and afterwards it sort of comes home how insane you are. I wish I really was crazy then I wouldn't even know it. :)

For anyone confused. When I was 18 years old I was a snotty, cute lil girl that wouldn't give a boy the time of day and he wanted my attention. To get my attention he wanted to shock me. He pulled a gun out and played with it and ended up shooting himself while we were staring into each others eyes. He was smiling, I was not. I tended to him until the paramedics arrived and I never got treatment for PTSD until this last year. I dealt with it by myself because until the last year I didn't really have any symptoms show up. So, needless to say putting off things for 14 years is never a good idea. Yet, I am a procrastinator. :)

Anyway, I'm going to take a wee break from the board and will probably be sucked back in if there are any threads of interest. I don't want anyone to have to tip-toe about me, yet, I'm going to be honest. I'm usually fairly calm, yet, lately when I get agitated that merely means I need space. The stress of divorce and the one year anniversary of my separation sort of creeped up on me in an unexpected way. So, if I seem hypersensitive to insults it's because I am hypersensitive, at times. Of course if you know me then you also know that plenty of times I let them roll right off and don't think twice about it.

Anyway, I'm going back to therapy to try some new medication that may help with alleviating the hypervigilance attack I just had. Just think of it as a panic attack -- that's essentially what it is.

I'll miss you guys, and take care. I'm sure I'll be back, and if I'm not don't worry 'bout me. I'll be fine.

Love you all.

It's an inaccurate generalization to say that anyone is completely anything. We all make different decisions under different situations, sometimes under the same situation. Part of being human is being unpredictable.

[_Moniker]

Ajax, I don't know what you're talking about.

For anyone else curious. I registered a new account at CARM (my last one I was a bit of a hothead and want to be a bit friendlier:) and plan to post there more often. PM me if you want the user name.

I went out this weekend. There's a young man that is 24 (rarw!) that I've been flirting with on and off since the beginning of Summer and he's been saying we need to go do something. He's a grad student, no job, no kids, and completely fluffy fun. He's quite fun so I called him up and took him up on the offer. I feel like a dirty old woman...

No more panic attacks. Went and got a good dose of meds to help with that. Feel fine and thanks for the kind words from those of you that gave them.

[_GoodK]

I went out this weekend. There's a young man that is 24 (rarw!) that I've been flirting with on and off since the beginning of Summer and he's been saying we need to go do something...

Actually Moniker, I'm 23... ;)

[_Bond...James Bond]

I went out this weekend. There's a young man that is 24 (rarw!) that I've been flirting with on and off since the beginning of Summer and he's been saying we need to go do something...

Actually Moniker, I'm 23... ;)

I already did that line. Unfortuantely it was lost in the "upgrade".

[_GoodK]

I already did that line. Unfortuantely it was lost in the "upgrade".

Great minds... and all that...