Hi,
I'm in my thirties and I was BIC, active and faithfully served in the church (never turned down a calling), married in the temple to another BIC Mormon, faithfully paid my tithing (plus more), and tried my best to do all the things good LDS wives do.
I was your typical TR holding, stay at home Mormon Mommy with a van load of little kids.
My disaffection happened around 4 years ago after coming across some shocking polygamy information on Joseph Smith and Fanny Alger. (from a TBM no less) This would be the catalyst for me to study church history outside of safe church publications that I no longer trusted.
But there were other things that happened earlier that I had tried to bury which contributed to my “shelf” breaking. Troubling questions I had on doctrines that made no sense. (the list is very long!) After learning all the buried sermons and contradictions between Prophets, I became disillusioned with “God’s mouthpiece” and their role in revealing and defining doctrine.
I’m very drawn to egalitarian issues, like polygamy and blacks in the church. I’m also very interested in apologetics and the inoculation efforts underway.
I am currently a “New Order Mormon” with some Christian Universalist beliefs. I believe the negative aspects of Mormon culture will only change when more New Order Mormons remain active. I still believe in some Mormon doctrines and really can’t wrap my mind around how the Book of Mormon came to be, but don’t view Joseph Smith and other LDS Prophets the way our church claims them to be. I’m “active” in church and serve a calling. (even gave a talk recently) I do have a strong belief in Christ and the atonement and lean heavily to the Christian view of the Godhead. I don’t believe God intervenes or answers prayers the way most believers do.
My husband is still a TBM and has studied the controversial issues (he takes the apologist view of the Prophets and doctrine) so we are raising the kids Mormon. (but with a lot of deprogramming when they come home from church) My older children have been told that Joseph Smith had around 33 wives and we’ve briefly explained what polygamy is to them so it won’t come as a shock when they are older. We focus more on being good Christians in our home instead of being good Mormons. There is too much focus on how the “true church”= the gospel in our religion, and gaining that deep understanding of Christ’s atonement gets lost in it all.