I didn?????t go on a mission = punishment/pain

[_Yoda]

First of all, Logan, welcome to the board! :)

I am so sorry to hear about all of your turmoil. Please, feel free to ask questions here. We have a nice little Internet family. :)

You will hear diverse opinions, based on individual involvement in the Church. Some of us here are members, others are former members, and still others are non-members who have either strong family ties or close friends who belong to the Church.

Gaz gave some really great advice:

Where you stand and where you're going is far more important than where you've been.

I actually may use this as my new signature, Gaz. :)

Gaz is exactly right. You can't change the past. You can only move forward.

It sounds like you and your wife had some other issues; she knew that your lack of serving a mission was a "sore spot" for you, and used it to "one-up" you in an argument.

Unfortunately, people can hurt those they love more than anyone else. I would encourage you to speak with your wife when things are calm, and gently let her know how much that comment hurt you based on the insecurities you have tried to overcome. I'm sure that she would not respond well to you attacking her on a subject that she feels extremely sensitive about. There are just some lines that shouldn't be crossed, and I think that if you can sit down with her and communicate with her calmly and lovingly, you can both come to agreeable terms.

Good luck! :)

Again, welcome to the board! I am one of the Moderators here, so if you have any questions, please feel free to PM me.

[_twinkie]

Hi, Logan!

I am sorry people are being jerks to you. You should not have to feel inadequate for not going on a mission. Others are using this to make themselves feel superior.

It's sad that some women in the church might overlook a decent guy or feel regret because her husband didn't go on a mission.

I'm a woman, a convert, and I just don't see why this matters so much.

[_Joseph Antley]

Perhaps this is partly about attitude.

I am 21, active in the Church, in Provo, Utah. I have not been on a mission and likely will not go on one, and I haven't experienced any shunning, dumping, persecution, etc. Sure, there are some awkward moments when people ask me where I served, and there might be a girl or two out there that won't marry me because of that, but why would I want to be with someone like that anyway? And all in all, negative experiences are very few (right now, off the top of my head, I can't even think of any).

All in all, my life is just great. I am a faithful Latter-day Saint, I go to church every Sunday, I serve in callings, I have many friends who are members (all of which [guys, anyway] are returned missionaries), and I haven't been on a mission.

[Guest]

I was going to thoughtfully respond using quotes from all of your responses in this thread. But, my time is so limited with all the time and pressure of helping one of my clients save their entire company right now.

I’ve had a few more discussions with my wife that have been beneficial. We have a new found closeness, new and different.

It’s strange to me that to have strong confidence in my daily life and not when it comes to religion.
The comment from my wife turned out to be the final lynchpin.
My shield is gone – now comments about “didn’t serve a mission” started having a negative accumulation effect again.
I don’t care what people say/think in general <> I do care who I feel comfortable associating with.
I’m not at ease in EQ, I’m on guard.
I feel no peace there.
Sure I can ignore them – I don’t want to be around people that I have to ignore.

My next step or miss step?
I considering resigning my calling this Sunday.

[_cinepro]

I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience. Now that the Church is being far more scrutinizing when it comes to mission calls (with many more people not being allowed to go for medical and other non-worthiness-related reasons), it will be interesting to see if the culture of the Church changes regarding men who don't serve missions.

[_Markk]

Hi logan,

My two cents.

When I was of age for a mission I was pretty much a selfish person, and was more concerned with playing sports, skiing, and partying. I didn't have much peer pressure about going on a mission, or if I did I was too much into my life to even notice. My folks and family members were bummed and would tell me " you need to get right with the church"..." You need to go to church". It was a status thing and a pride thing with them, and to be fair I'm sure my folks felt guilty because they had failed in some way.

I am a evangelical Christian now and stopped believing in "Mormonism" about 20 years ago, and my point here is that in those years I was screwing up, never not once, did my folks, my teachers, or my bishop ever tell me "to get right with God" or "get right with Christ", it was always about "the church"..always.

It sounds like you might be going through the same type of thing. The Bible is clear that the HG gives gifts "as He pleases", and not all are gifted with the gift of missions, and that gift certainly is not just for young men and women. God looks at the heart, while man looks at the outside and actions of men.

I would recommend the first thing you do is examine your faith ( body of truth you put your hope into), and pray with your wife every day , and focus on Christ and not "the church".

Mark

[_Markk]

I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience. Now that the Church is being far more scrutinizing when it comes to mission calls (with many more people not being allowed to go for medical and other non-worthiness-related reasons), it will be interesting to see if the culture of the Church changes regarding men who don't serve missions.

Now that the Church is being far more scrutinizing when it comes to mission calls (with many more people not being allowed to go for medical and other non-worthiness-related reasons),

"The Church" decides who is worthy...this was my point to Logan, shouldn't God decide who is "worthy". being worthy is a crock anyway, because when you look at the heart we all fall short.

Mark

[_Joseph Antley]

"The Church" decides who is worthy...this was my point to Logan, shouldn't God decide who is "worthy".

Since the missionaries act as representatives of the Church, and since the Church is led by God, it seems appropriate that the Church is the one who decides who should represent them or not.

being worthy is a crock anyway, because when you look at the heart we all fall short.

Maybe you're confusing being worthy of salvation with being worthy to serve a mission. The requirements are slightly different, I think.

[_Markk]

Since the missionaries act as representatives of the Church, and since the Church is led by God, it seems appropriate that the Church is the one who decides who should represent them or not.

Isn't that what I said, and no I disagree, the HS should decide.

Maybe you're confusing being worthy of salvation with being worthy to serve a mission. The requirements are slightly different, I think.

I am talking about the 'worthy' thing as a whole, you have to be worthy for this worthy for that, when in reality if you were to look in their closets they are just as many skeletons as the next guy, only God knows the heart and only God can know who is worthy.

Mark

[_Yoda]

I was going to thoughtfully respond using quotes from all of your responses in this thread. But, my time is so limited with all the time and pressure of helping one of my clients save their entire company right now.

I’ve had a few more discussions with my wife that have been beneficial. We have a new found closeness, new and different.

It’s strange to me that to have strong confidence in my daily life and not when it comes to religion.
The comment from my wife turned out to be the final lynchpin.
My shield is gone – now comments about “didn’t serve a mission” started having a negative accumulation effect again.
I don’t care what people say/think in general <> I do care who I feel comfortable associating with.
I’m not at ease in EQ, I’m on guard.
I feel no peace there.
Sure I can ignore them – I don’t want to be around people that I have to ignore.

My next step or miss step?
I considering resigning my calling this Sunday.

What is your calling, if you don't mind my asking?

Also, are those in Elders Quorum generally saying things to you that make you feel uncomfortable, or is this simply a perception based on your insecurity?

I think it is important for you to hang on to your confidence in your ability to handle the other aspects of your life, and apply that confidence to your church situations.

Don't empower others by allowing them to make you feel "less worthy" to be at church. You have just as much right to worship Christ and participate in Church as anyone else. You pay your tithes. You hold the priesthood. You are temple worthy. Anyone who thinks less of you for not serving a mission has a lot of repenting to do. THEY have the problem. Not you!