I just found out that a person I love very, very much is pregnant with her 4th child. She is “Chapel Mormon” to the core, and doesn’t believe in birth control because of it impeding “God’s will”. Now outside of her Mormon brainwashing, she is one of the brightest and most logically-minded persons I know! Even to the extent that she is accepting of a critics position as valid points. . . but the buck stops there. . . it’s amazing how faith is so blinding a mistress! Anyway, probably due to articles like THIS ONE HERE that advocate birth control as tool of Satan.
"It is of great concern to all who understand this glorious concept that Satan and his cohorts are using scientific arguments and nefarious propaganda to lure women away from their primary responsibilities as wives, mothers, and homemakers. We hear so much about emancipation, independence, sexual liberation, birth control, abortion, and other insidious propaganda belittling the role of motherhood, all of which is Satan’s way of destroying woman, the home, and the family—the basic unit of society."-
Instead of being delighted for her, I’m heartbroken. She has struggled with depression in the past and finds it extremely overwhelming with the three children she already has (who could blame her!) Also, she has expressed doubts about her marriage and whether or not the love she and her husband share is the kind of love a relationship needs to healthly survive.
I have 3 children myself, and being married to a active-duty military man, where his job takes him away from home 60+% of the time, I can somewhat sympathize with her feelings. It extremely difficult at times, and I haven’t ever been anywhere near the degree of depression she has suffered from.
How can I reach out to her?
I’m hesitant because I don’t want to be insensitive to her beloved beliefs. I certainly want to be respectful of her boundaries, and I don’t think an unsolicited letter from me would be appreciated, however heartfelt it may be. But inside I’m screaming “Do Something”! Because I think back to my days as a TBM and yeilding to “outside” logic would have saved me from so many regretful life experiences.
Now I’m not saying she will regret her kids, I don’t think healthy-minded mothers regret their kids. For instance, even though I had more than I could handle with 1 kid, and I sometimes think how much easier life would be if I had stopped at one, I couldn’t imagine life without the other 2. However, now that I’m finished having kids, I am glad I’m not having anymore, even though I know for a fact if had I had more, I’d a cherished them just as much.
On top of that, in my own personal experience, my own mother had more of us then she could spread herself mentally and emotionally for. That is the one of the only major grievances I have with her and the way my childhood was. In this case, quality over quantity.
I imagined what I might say to her. I thought of a boat analogy that I could put into Mormon terms (rather than insisting on my rejection of the usage of such terms).
Imagine yourself as a sailboat on the water. Sure it may be fun to spend a few days sailing aimlessly every now and then, going wherever the wind takes ya, but I think Heavenly Father meant for us to take charge of our own boats and be the Captain that steers ourself to our own destination. Heavenly Father as the wind that will take ya there once we set the course. Leaving it up to the wind to guide the boat will leave you nowhere but sailing around the waters in circles, and maybe even tossed upside down on the raging sea.
As for myself, I steered my boat right out of Mormonland, and I like to believe that there is a “God” providing the wind.
So there ya have it. Any good ideas about what I should do? (keep in mind I’m not the “pray and believe” type).
One of the many faces of Mormonism that I find to be very ugly. Such an atrocity to womanhood!