Community Story: In the style of SeattleSmutWriter

[_Doctor Scratch]

"Tight like unto a dish?" she said. The words caught in her throat as if she'd swallowed a brambly nettle. "No," she was panting. "Wha--what does that mean?"
"I can't tell you," said Lehi. "I can only show you. Not because it's a secret." He ran his tongue over the gentle corrugations in his lips. "It's because it's sacred."

[Guest]

"I'm scared. What if this story gets out on the Internet." Jaymee said.

"Is your Facebook page on private? Do you have a blog? Is it secret? Is it safe?" Lehi worried nervously.

"Yes. I'm not stupid." Jaymee quipped, taking Lehi's worn right palm in her hand.

"No you aren't. That's why I'm so love you." Lehi said.

[_Blixa]

Those questions were just a ruse. A way of buying time. Jayme's mind raced like horse running down the last stretch of the Belmont Stakes. What did Lehi mean? Was he questioning her virginity? He knew she had had other "boyfriends," but, was there something special that Returned Missionaries required of their partners? Rapidly she scanned her memory's Rolodex, could she recall the woman her mother had told her of? The woman with the "speciality?" The "pre-marital specialty?"

[_Everybody Wang Chung]

Throwing caution to the wind, Lehi watched in fascination at the G-string that passed through the crevice of her bottom like a cruise-liner along the equator. He could almost see dolphins swimming through the milkiness of her skin. "Oh, Jamye!" They were like randy rabbits, not the kind Beatrix Potter wrote about but the other kind, the ones that shagged all day and used carrots in completely new and novel ways. Lehi felt the pressure building in his less than adequate member like oil underneath the Arabian Peninsula, aching to get out and power cars.

[_Bond James Bond]

"Let me see it." Jayme commanded authoritatively.

She slowly unbucked the buckled buckle-style belt. She caught a glimpse of her fleeting reflection in his mirror-like belt buckle as Lehi unsheathed his iron sword of wood edged with obsidian colored hair.

"Is five enough?" Lehi boasted.

"I'm not sure. I hope so." Jayme purred catlike.

[Anonymous]

"Let me see it." Jayme commanded authoritatively.

She slowly unbucked the buckled buckles. She caught a glimpse of her fleeting reflection in his mirror-like belt buckle as Lehi unsheathed his iron sword of wood edged with obsidian colored hair.

"Is five enough?" Lehi boasted.

"I'm not sure. I hope so." Jayme purred catlike.

Jayme took a deep breath. The collective history of her people, from their first gatherings in the desert, through all their modern tribulations, coursed through her veins. "I hope I'm not going to Sheol for this," she muttered.

[_Doctor Scratch]

"Just imagine that you're riding on a tapir," he told her.

[_Runtu]

She gazed longingly at his puckered but not quite sagging physique, the muscles slightly the worse for lack of use, but "serviceable," nonetheless, his flagging spirits now rising to greet her from thickets of desire.

[_Aristotle Smith]

Jayme took a deep breath. The collective history of her people, from their first gatherings in the desert, through all their modern tribulations, coursed through her veins. "I hope I'm not going to Sheol for this," she muttered.

Suddenly, she feared a great fear fearfully, contemplating the possibilities of an encounter with Sheol, whereupon she resolved to pour a ritual libation of bacon flavored milk to appease the spirits following her festive fornication.

[Guest]

"I'm a classical Old World historian. Mind if I think of a chariot driven by horses?" Jayme interjected.

"I ejaculated" Lehi sheepishly said.