The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

[Guest]

If I invite a co-worker to Sonic I could get in trouble.

[_EAllusion]

I don't know DT. You come across as like a hair's breath away from being radicalized by incels any day now.

[_DoubtingThomas]

I don't know DT. You come across as like a hair's breath away from being radicalized by incels any day now.

Na! No way! So would it be appropriate to invite a co-worker to the movies or somewhere?

[_Xenophon]

Na! No way! So would it be appropriate to invite co-worker to go to Sonic or somewhere? I just don't want to get in trouble and lose my job.

Depending on where you work, your employer may have a very specific policy that is worth referencing. Generally you wouldn't lose your job from a scenario that has you politely asking someone out and then responding appropriately based on their response. HR issues generally come into play when someone is overly aggressive in their pursuit or takes rejection harshly and responds in an inappropriate manner. Also in cases when there is a variance in authority/power levels.

As an aside, I'm getting a heavy dose of déjà vu here...

[_Doctor Steuss]

So would it be appropriate to invite a co-worker to the movies or somewhere?

Having dated a few co-workers, I eventually adopted the policy that you don't fish where you swim. There's always a risk of a hook being left behind that'll make swimming uncomfortable.

That's not to say that work relationships are verboten (when there is no company policy, that is) -- I have a coworker who met her husband at work, and they're going on 6 years of bliss.

I've generally found the best way to meet women is to not be a douche. Once that benchmark is met, just go out with friends as often as possible, to as many places as possible. There will likely be women, and they will likely notice that you're not a douche.

That will either lead to new friendships (which one would be hard-pressed to have too many of), or to new romances. Oft times, the new friendships tend to open even more outing experiences, multiplying friendships, acquaintances, and inevitably people trying to hook you up with family/friends because... you're not a douche.

You never really know where love will find you. My wife met me on Facebook. I met my previous girlfriend at PetSmart (she trained my puppers), before that at a friend's work function he invited me to, before that a gal I met at a free improv thing.

The most successful relationships I've had (in particular, with my wife), I entered into them not looking for romance, but looking for friendship. When I started spending time with my wife, I had absolutely no intention of dating. I just knew that she was someone I wanted in my life because of the type of person she was. I invited her, and our son out for breakfast, and a few weeks later, much to my surprise and delight, we were dating.

[_honorentheos]

DT be like, "where do you meet women these days if you can't hit on them at work?"

Most young singles be like, "left, left, left,....right!"

You're not convincing me you're not actually a middle aged conservative Mormon pretending to be a young, disillusioned progressive post-Mormon.

[_Xenophon]

Good thoughts, Steuss. I think you hit a lot of the nails on the head. My go-for-it advice was mainly centered around the idea that DT has told us he is young and probably works a "throw away" job of sorts, where he likely won't be swimming too long. He also seems to have ignored previous suggestions on where to meet people (again, not just people to date) so I'm fairly confident he isn't listening now.

That said, Honor's theory is really starting to grow on me.

[_Doctor Steuss]

That said, Honor's theory is really starting to grow on me.

I admittedly feel the same tingling of roots .

[_Goya]

to not be a douche

It's like the Bible says:

"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Don't be such a douche."

[_canpakes]

I don't know, DT. Are you pretty and not overweight?

I am a little bit overweight, but not obese. I can quickly fix it by going to the gym. Going to the gym is probably a good way to meet new people.

Well, there you go. Fix it. Go to a gym or join up with a crossfit outfit, toss some tires around, shape up and maybe you can meet some like-minded fit gals. That's one way to start, anyway.

It is not my fault that I am attracted to beautiful women.

That's fine, but it's going to take more than just being attracted to one to change anything.

I'm attracted to awesome, snow-covered mountains, but if I don't start upping my skiing skills, I'll just be admiring them from a distance. See how that works? ; )