The DoubtingThomas dating / relationships MEGATHREAD

[_EAllusion]

DT,

Most women (just like most men) desire a relationship/partner. While this surely includes sex, it is by no means limited to just sex. A healthy adult relationship can bring a wide range of mutually rewarding benefits and it can, if you're fortunate, be one of the most valuable things in your life.

My advice would be make it crystal clear to everyone (your coworkers, family, friends, neighbors) that you are single, available and are looking to enter the beginning stages of a relationship. This not only shows signs of maturity, it removes any possible doubts for anyone who may be interested in getting to know you on a more intimate level. In addition, by putting this information out there to everyone you know, you have the potential of meeting someone that they know who might be in a similar situation.

While there are certainly many steps involved in adult relationships, complete transparency from you regarding where you are now and what you are looking for is your absolute best first step.

Good luck!

This is good advice. Seeing a therapist if you can if only to work on strengthening interpersonal skills is also good advice.

[_Analytics]

You are talking about women as though they are one-dimensional things. But, DT baited you into it, which in my opinion is his intent. It's always so discouraging to see conversations go this way.

I don't mean it that way. I'm just recognizing people are social creatures. Wanting not to be lonely might be a one dimensional desire, but going out and meeting people is how you learn about their other dimensions. There are many ways of being beautiful.

[_Jersey Girl]

This is good advice. Seeing a therapist if you can if only to work on strengthening interpersonal skills is also good advice.

Very much so, particularly if the therapist will give practice assignments, note progress, set goals, and loop back to identify connections for him. Baby step goals in the beginning. I think that DT has shared with us that he leans Aspie and if I am correct in that, it explains the nature of the remarks that he makes. He shouldn't be mocked for this. He needs to be understood.

I'm with you on the therapist so long as there is an element of mentor/coaching involved. I think he'd do really well given the opportunity to develop insight. I think he's a really good man for whom the world isn't going to change, he just needs a bit of help learning how to live in it.

[_Analytics]

DT is about as prime of a person to be radicalized by the manosophere as I've personally seen. Recommending that he read "The Game" is about the worst possible advice imaginable.

DT doesn't need to learn to neg women. He probably needs a little therapy.

LOL. I find that book extremely interesting, but I wouldn't consider those guys to be role models. My point was that in terms of having sucess with the opposite sex, Strauss's story is more inspiring than a Horatio Alger novel.

[_EAllusion]

You are talking about women as though they are one-dimensional things. But, DT baited you into it, which in my opinion is his intent. It's always so discouraging to see conversations go this way.

I don't mean it that way. I'm just recognizing people are social creatures. Wanting not to be lonely might be a one dimensional desire, but going out and meeting people is how you learn about their other dimensions. There are many ways of being beautiful.

When DT says, "beautiful" he specifically means physically attractive. He's been quite clear that he only wants a woman who is young, with a strong preference of 18-22, and is physically attractive. He hasn't stated his age, but he's implied he's a little older than that. He's later conceded that he considers about half of women attractive enough for his standards - a step down from what we normally mean by "beautiful" to be sure - but that's about it. He's telling you he's willing to go as low as a 6, maybe even a 5!, but that's it.

[_Jersey Girl]

You are talking about women as though they are one-dimensional things. But, DT baited you into it, which in my opinion is his intent. It's always so discouraging to see conversations go this way.

I don't mean it that way. I'm just recognizing people are social creatures. Wanting not to be lonely might be a one dimensional desire, but going out and meeting people is how you learn about their other dimensions. There are many ways of being beautiful.

And if you have difficulty integrating socially that, in my view, is the target area to address so one can get out there and interact more comfortably and confidently. Not everyone is able to do this and could do with a bit of help.

[_Jersey Girl]

When DT says, "beautiful" he specifically means physically attractive. He's been quite clear that he only wants a woman who is young, with a strong preference of 18-22, and is physically attractive. He hasn't stated his age, but he's implied he's a little older than that. He's later conceded that he considers about half of women attractive enough for his standards - a step down from what we normally mean by "beautiful" to be sure - but that's about it. He's telling you he's willing to go as low as a 6, maybe even a 5!, but that's it.

Does that not tell you that he's dwelling on superficial and easily identifiable concrete external traits? The abstract piece is missing.

Hello. Put your ears on, buddy. :-)

[_EAllusion]

LOL. I find that book extremely interesting, but I wouldn't consider those guys to be role models. My point was that in terms of having sucess with the opposite sex, Strauss's story is more inspiring than a Horatio Alger novel.

Is it? There's a lot of sad postmortems on that cultural moment out there now that really take the shine off the life of a PUA as inspiring. That includes Strauss. He considers that a dark period of his life.

I think of the "PUAhate" that later became the "Sluthate" community and its various offshoots that developed out of failed would-be PUA's and see someone like DT being susceptible to finding a home there. Don't give him a nudge.

[_Analytics]

DT's posts have consistent themes that flirt with the misogyny present in the various manosophere subcultures. There's this vaguely unsettling miasma of seeing women primarily as potential objects of his fulfillment, desperate loneliness, and somewhat broken, but obsessive reasoning that just hangs over his posts.

Suggesting that he try to fashion himself into a oughts pick up artist is genuinely some of the worst personal advice I've ever seen on this board. I mean, that's bad advice for anyone, but especially him.

Whatever could go wrong with someone like DT succeeding or failing at becoming a PUA? Since nothing has happened since 2009, I guess we'll never know.

To clarify, I didn't suggest that he go out and join the pick-up artist community, start negging women, peacocking, and otherwise start acting like a douche. I suggested he start eating better, started exercising more, and learned about how to make himself more attractive and charismatic.

By any chance have you read NO More Mr. Nice Guy by the marriage and family therapist Dr. Robert Glover, Ph.D.?

[_EAllusion]

To clarify, I didn't suggest that he go out and join the pick-up artist community, start negging women, peacocking, and otherwise start acting like a douche. I suggested he start eating better, started exercising more, and learned about how to make himself more attractive and charismatic.

You advised him on reading material to improve playing "the game" to attract women that includes one book on PUA I've read and another that I'm fairly sure is a PUA book. You even told him that if he wants to get attractive women he too needs to learn to play "the game." It's like you're giving him a head start on writing his inevitable manifesto.

By any chance have you read NO More Mr. Nice Guy by the marriage and family therapist Dr. Robert Glover, Ph.D.?

No, I haven't.