Analytics wrote:To clarify, I didn't suggest that he go out and join the pick-up artist community, start negging women, peacocking, and otherwise start acting like a douche. I suggested he start eating better, started exercising more, and learned about how to make himself more attractive and charismatic.
By any chance have you read NO More Mr. Nice Guy by the marriage and family therapist Dr. Robert Glover, Ph.D.?
Analytics with all due respect, those are external solutions to internal problems.
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
Lemmie wrote:You are talking about women as though they are one-dimensional things. But, DT baited you into it, which in my opinion is his intent. It's always so discouraging to see conversations go this way.
I don't mean it that way. I'm just recognizing people are social creatures.
Ok. Thank you for explaining, but the words you used did not convey that that was your intent, so why use words that stereotype and demean?
Analytics wrote:
...you can compete with anybody for the most atractive girls....
....Every attractive girl with a guy used to be single, and many will be again. And many are single, right now. The guys they hook up with are the guys who are out there playing the game....
Last edited by Guest on Fri Mar 22, 2019 11:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Analytics wrote:....Every attractive girl with a guy used to be single, and many will be again. And many are single, right now. The guys they hook up with are the guys who are out there playing the game....
I just saw this copied in Lemmie's above post. I strongly object to the above and the message that it conveys.
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
Jersey Girl wrote:DT I thought I had mentioned this on one of your previous threads. If not, I'll say it now. I think you would benefit from a therapist who can act as life coach. I don't think it would need to be a forever relationship, but I do think it would be to your benefit in a number of ways.
When I read your posts, I hear someone who hasn't got a sense of connectedness. Things like having an inner circle of friends, groups of people that you share interests and experiences with. As I write this, I know it's coming from a strong Introvert and I don't like groups of people either. That said, I do enjoy taking classes with others.
I think that a therapist might encourage you to determine your interests and look for social connections that involve your interests. That's not to say that any girl you date has to share your interests. But, it might be a good start to get you into a group setting.
Maybe it would help if we shared where we met our significant others. I'm at least willing to say. We met at work when we were both teenagers.
I agree with some others here, that our talking to you about this probably doesn't help to do much except to keep you stuck at questioning level. I think it's a good sign that you are curious about how to live life but I think you have to get out there and find out who you are. And live it. I don't think that you know who you are yet and that's okay. I do think a good therapist who can act as life coach (and they do) and mentor could help you gain insight. The experience part is on you, friend.
Yep, this.
“The ideal subject of totalitarian rule is not the convinced Nazi or the dedicated communist, but people for whom the distinction between fact and fiction, true and false, no longer exists.”
― Hannah Arendt, The Origins of Totalitarianism, 1951
Res Ipsa wrote:had conversations with them on that basis
That is my problem. Where can I go to talk to girls? Do I go to the bar?
Res Ipsa wrote: you'd be surprised at how many of them are lonely.
So far no luck on dating apps.
Res Ipsa wrote:What's a little frustrating for me is that DT seems to me to be teaching himself to be a helpless victim. He needs a girlfriend to be happy, but then actively searches for obstacles that prevent him from getting a girlfriend. it almost seems like trying to make helpful suggestions actually just enables his helplessness.
I am all stressed out from work. I simply want to enjoy life. I have no life in our meaningless universe. If you know of someone using a dating app willing to do some long distance dating let me know.
DoubtingThomas wrote:I have no life in our meaningless universe.
If you are conscious, you have a life.
Talking about having "no life" is dumb. Who's to decide what makes a lived life valuable? For some it might be love; for others, hobbies. It's what you make of it.
If you want a life, assume a more realistic definition of what one is. I've always assumed it was consciousness.
God belief is for people who don't want to live life on the universe's terms.
Some Schmo wrote:While I think a lot of these suggestions are good, the whole enterprise feels a little like a comedy class. There are some things you can't really teach (or at least, instruction only goes so far).
DT, I think you instinctively know what you need to do, but I suspect your internal dialog is getting in the way of following your instincts.
The underlying message all these pieces of advice have in common is that you need to make yourself lovable to be loved. That's the bottom line.
Right, it is a good advice, but the problem is that almost nobody knows me. But I will keep trying to meet more people.
Lemmie wrote:You are talking about women as though they are one-dimensional things. But, DT baited you into it, which in my opinion is his intent. It's always so discouraging to see conversations go this way.
I don't mean it that way. I'm just recognizing people are social creatures. Wanting not to be lonely might be a one dimensional desire, but going out and meeting people is how you learn about their other dimensions. There are many ways of being beautiful.
I like this advice. If physical attraction is the overriding reason DT is interested in this woman, he is bound for eventual disappointment in any long term relationship. It is too easy for people (both men and women) used to being adulated for their beauty or sexiness to wind up becoming vain, shallow and selfish creatures whose main, initial attraction will inevitably fade with age. Character, honesty, a good sense of humor and genuine compassion for others is a more lasting and satisfying kind of beauty than mere physical attractiveness. If one is one of the rare people who have all that in spades and physical attractiveness as well, so much the better, but some of the most lasting and loving relationships are between couples who are rather average or plain looking, but of good, empathetic character, while some of the most outstandingly beautiful couples wind up having tragic breakups, sometimes due to fidelity issues and temptations resulting in part from their sheer physical attractiveness to and exploitation by others.
No precept or claim is more likely to be false than one that can only be supported by invoking the claim of Divine authority for it--no matter who or what claims such authority.
“If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think, they'll hate you.”
― Harlan Ellison
DoubtingThomas wrote:Dude that is how dating apps work.
Age ranges in dating apps are a quick and dirty tool to help people meet people approximately the same age as them. You managed to turn that into something vaguely creepy where you announce on a message board that you like 'em young.
So what? That is what most guys want.
Sure, physical attractiveness is something both men and women look for in a partner. It's not a coincidence that couples' attractiveness tend to approximately line up. Is it healthy to make finding a person you regard as "beautiful" a deal-breaking focus of having a relationship while you also talk about inability to meet people? No, not at all.