12 percent of people report having no friends

[doubtingthomas]

Loneliness, though, was pure pain for me, and made me appreciate the friendships that I did have even though I wasn't seeing them.

I think loneliness is when you don't feel a connection with the people you want to be with.

[doubtingthomas]

The more I think about the article linked in the opening post, the more I wonder about the impact of changes to people's definitions of "friend" or "close friend" over time. I think that may be particularly true with friendships between and among men. One of the people in the article quoted at the beginning of the first thread on this topic said:

I didn't share the article again because someone here accuses me of sexism.

...)

Right?

[doubtingthomas]

I'm sorry you've known this, but immensely grateful it's (hopefully forever) in the past.

It's predictable, I doubt most people here have a lot of close friends.

[Marcus]

The more I think about the article linked in the opening post, the more I wonder about the impact of changes to people's definitions of "friend" or "close friend" over time. I think that may be particularly true with friendships between and among men. One of the people in the article quoted at the beginning of the first thread on this topic said:

This reminded me of an Invisibilia Episode about how breaking down the “stoic and lacking outward affection” aspects of male interactions drastically improved safety on an oil rig.

One of the side-notes in the survey the article was assumedly based on touches on friendships with parents. If someone were to ask me, “name your closest friends,” they’d get a list of probably 5 people -- depending on how my noggin and ticker interpreted “close” in the moment. Yet, when I had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go on a weeklong gold prospecting adventure in California a few years back, none of those friends came to mind. The only person I thought to ask to join me was my dad. Similarly, my siblings would easily be classified as “friends” if they didn’t have the alternative label of “siblings.”

It’s incredible how much the answer can change, regarding friendships, just by altering the frame of reference slightly.

I've also experienced loneliness. At times, brutal loneliness. And I didn't care for it one bit. But I did discover that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone meant that I spent more time with myself, which, for me, were times of significant growth. It allowed me to develop some personal resilience that I never had before. Loneliness, though, was pure pain for me, and made me appreciate the friendships that I did have even though I wasn't seeing them.

I'm sorry you've known this, but immensely grateful it's (hopefully forever) in the past.

Yet again you've both provided tremendously thoughtful posts that bring much to the conversation. Your comments satisfy the soul. Thank you.

[Doctor Steuss]

I'm sorry you've known this, but immensely grateful it's (hopefully forever) in the past.

It's predictable, I doubt most people here have a lot of close friends.

Why do you believe that most people here don't have a lot of close friends? I am genuinely curious.

I realize that online interactions are extremely limited in what we "see" of people, but I find 99% people who post here to be incredibly interesting, insightful, and enjoyable to interact with. So many moments I have found myself grateful for an interaction, or comment, with/by someone here.
There are probably only a handful that I wouldn't eagerly take up on an offer for lunch/dinner (no, I won't name the handful that I wouldn't), and I am all but certain that I would enjoy myself immensely in doing so. I'd dare to say that for a lot of people here, if I were to find out they passed away, I would genuinely mourn and feel a deep sense of loss -- and not the "I feel bad for their family," kind, but the incredibly selfish "I feel bad for myself that I don't get to have them in my life anymore."

From the narrow window I am able to see through, it would shock me to find that most people here didn't have a lot of close friends... or at least a few. Of course, I realize we all likely have different ideals and ways in which we define friendship, and whether it is "close." I have a very naïve view of the world often though, so maybe I am way off on my assessment (honestly, while I would be saddened to find that I am, I guess I wouldn't be in denial of it).

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

Have you read the survey Dr. Steuss referenced? Source:

https://www.americansurveycenter.org/re ... -and-loss/

- Doc

Not really,

Naturally.

- Doc

[Morley]

Yet again you've both provided tremendously thoughtful posts that bring much to the conversation. Your comments satisfy the soul. Thank you.

Absolutely.

I realize that online interactions are extremely limited in what we "see" of people, but I find 99% people who post here to be incredibly interesting, insightful, and enjoyable to interact with. So many moments I have found myself grateful for an interaction, or comment, with/by someone here.

I find this to be true, too. As well as all that, there are about a dozen posters here who are at times outrageously entertaining, poignantly insightful, or occasionally border on the profound. I hope those of you who fit into one or more of these categories know who you are. Thanks to you all.

[Res Ipsa]

The more I think about the article linked in the opening post, the more I wonder about the impact of changes to people's definitions of "friend" or "close friend" over time. I think that may be particularly true with friendships between and among men. One of the people in the article quoted at the beginning of the first thread on this topic said:

This reminded me of an Invisibilia Episode about how breaking down the “stoic and lacking outward affection” aspects of male interactions drastically improved safety on an oil rig.

One of the side-notes in the survey the article was assumedly based on touches on friendships with parents. If someone were to ask me, “name your closest friends,” they’d get a list of probably 5 people -- depending on how my noggin and ticker interpreted “close” in the moment. Yet, when I had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go on a weeklong gold prospecting adventure in California a few years back, none of those friends came to mind. The only person I thought to ask to join me was my dad. Similarly, my siblings would easily be classified as “friends” if they didn’t have the alternative label of “siblings.”

It’s incredible how much the answer can change, regarding friendships, just by altering the frame of reference slightly.

I'd completely forgotten that Invisibilia episode. Your comparison is spot on. Changing the crew's concept of what it was to be a man dramatically improved safety on the rig. Listening to that episode was a kind of "aha" moment for me.

I was also struck by the way I didn't include family members when I was thinking of close friends. Faced with a similar opportunity, I would also choose my dad.

I've also experienced loneliness. At times, brutal loneliness. And I didn't care for it one bit. But I did discover that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone meant that I spent more time with myself, which, for me, were times of significant growth. It allowed me to develop some personal resilience that I never had before. Loneliness, though, was pure pain for me, and made me appreciate the friendships that I did have even though I wasn't seeing them.

I'm sorry you've known this, but immensely grateful it's (hopefully forever) in the past.

Thanks. I'm grateful as well.

[Res Ipsa]

That sounded resentful and bitter to me, so I asked.

Well, I'm not resentful or bitter.

Good. I'm glad to hear that.

[Res Ipsa]

Loneliness, though, was pure pain for me, and made me appreciate the friendships that I did have even though I wasn't seeing them.

I think loneliness is when you don't feel a connection with the people you want to be with.

That's an interesting way of describing loneliness. For me, it was not recognizing the connections I had with the people I was with. I think mine was driven strongly by depression. Depression is a liar. Among the things it lied to me about was that no one could understand what I was feeling. The result was that I literally couldn't see the connections that I had or understand that my experience was much more common than my depression was telling me.