Deeply moving essay from wife of a Trump supporter.

[Kishkumen]

My Husband And His Family Voted For Trump — So I'm Canceling Thanksgiving And Christmas

The husband needs to seriously consider canceling his marriage with you.

I I wrote to my young nieces, who were terrified, and told them I was there for them.

Affirming their "terror" isn't being there for young family members. It is complete failure to not react in a rational adult manner when such an adult is the very thing that is desperately needed FOR THE BENEFIT of our youth experiencing these types of troubling emotions/feelings.

I kept writing.

That's very unfortunate.

I received a message from a family member who told me her Ukrainian friend was petrified. Another message came in from an actor friend who said she was afraid that the damage that will be done in the next four years could never be undone. One of my sisters wrote and said she had a panic attack and had to leave work. One of my students rescheduled our afternoon appointment saying she just couldn’t function.

Were these messages dated September 11, 2001? Surely, these messages can't possibly be about the results of a recent Presidential election.

Later that night, I briefly glanced at my husband and found myself not wanting to look into the eyes I love. I hated this divide. I wanted to touch his forearms and feel our connection, but I also felt an urge to punish him and deny him my touch.

Yeah, he needs to seriously consider his marriage and who he is married to.

“I am sorry about the holidays, but I cannot bite my tongue like I did with Hillary,” I told him. “I don’t want to disrespect your parents or your brother and his family in their home, or our home, so it’s best this way. No scenes. You can go see them.

Your desire to not want to disrespect anybody is entirely irrelevant, you have completely and totally disrespected your husband and your husband's family. Such behavior is extremely selfish, unnecessary, and you should be confronted for acting in such a selfish, immature, and divisive manner.

Seriously — I will not be in a room of 15 people who voted for Trump.”

I would be willing to bet that these 15 people would be fine being in a room with you. That is an extremely significant contrast worth serious thought.

But I will not give thanks and hold hands in a circle with people......

If you have things to be thankful for - you should give thanks, period. If you love the people, you should be willing to hold their hands no matter what their pollical leanings happen to be.

Ceeboo, these are some odd responses. I don't think I would have done what this lady did, but I don't see how writing supportive letters to people at a time when they are shaken by the fraught political environment we live in--and it is very much a fraught environment just based on the stark disunity--is some kind of infantile, silly thing to do.

I bet these people really needed to know that they were not alone, despite the fact that millions of Americans voted for the guy who tried to overturn the 2020 election and thereby stage a coup against our democratic republic.

I mean, is that not a clearly fear-inducing thing to do? Seek to overthrow an election? When I have seen stories of foreign countries where it happened, I found it worrying, if for no other reason than out of sympathy.

Imagine if a mob of Democrats were to storm the Capitol in January of next year. Would you find that comforting, upsetting, or what? If I were a Republican, I would be upset by what the last mob did when it stormed the Capitol, at the very least because it both reflected and portended really bad things.

Let me ask you: are there any deal breakers for you when it comes to the choices your family members make? Let's say that you had family who wanted to talk about the virtues of murdering newborn infants so they would not be inconvenienced by having to care for them (kind of like conservative social policy, when you think of it), and that there was really a political party that was openly pushing for that kind of "right." Would you feel comfortable hanging around with them?

I remember hanging out in SoCal with my family members who believed all the stupid conspiracy theories about the Clintons WHEN I WAS A REPUBLICAN--I thought they were off their rockers, and I found it difficult not to be deeply concerned and somewhat sickened by their behavior. I grant that I did not argue with them or leave, but I mostly felt sorry for them both for believing this stupidity and ugliness and for thinking that anyone else not in their conspiracy cult should want to listen to it.

Now that this kind of nonsense has a home in the GOP and is parroted by the leader of the party in his social media, we have hit a critical phase of our devolution. I hope we can find a way out of it, but who should really be required to suffer the insanity indefinitely?

[Gadianton]

I would be willing to bet that these 15 people would be fine being in a room with you.

I'm sure they would, with the gallows they built for Mike Pence ready to deploy.

Perhaps you haven't been to Rumble lately, or Truth social, or Gab, or even X(?), or even listened to the jackass you voted into office. Or perhaps you have, and just aren't being honest?

[Some Schmo]

My wife has told me outright that she would divorce me if I was a Trump supporter. I endorse that opinion. It's not about political leanings. It's either about massive ignorance on important issues, but also about the kind of character you're fine with enough to vote it into the most powerful office in the world. That says a lot about you.

If she voted for Trump, I'd want a divorce too, because I clearly didn't know the kind of person I married. Extreme low character.

[ceeboo]

The husband needs to seriously consider canceling his marriage with you.


Affirming their "terror" isn't being there for young family members. It is complete failure to not react in a rational adult manner when such an adult is the very thing that is desperately needed FOR THE BENEFIT of our youth experiencing these types of troubling emotions/feelings.


That's very unfortunate.


Were these messages dated September 11, 2001? Surely, these messages can't possibly be about the results of a recent Presidential election.


Yeah, he needs to seriously consider his marriage and who he is married to.


Your desire to not want to disrespect anybody is entirely irrelevant, you have completely and totally disrespected your husband and your husband's family. Such behavior is extremely selfish, unnecessary, and you should be confronted for acting in such a selfish, immature, and divisive manner.


I would be willing to bet that these 15 people would be fine being in a room with you. That is an extremely significant contrast worth serious thought.


If you have things to be thankful for - you should give thanks, period. If you love the people, you should be willing to hold their hands no matter what their pollical leanings happen to be.

Ceeboo, these are some odd responses.

Hey Kish - You finding them odd is okay in my book. Obviously, because I wrote the responses, I didn't think they were odd.

I don't see how writing supportive letters to people at a time when they are shaken by the fraught political environment we live in--and it is very much a fraught environment just based on the stark disunity--is some kind of infantile, silly thing to do.

When the "supportive letter writer" lady shared that she had an urge to punish her husband and deny him her touch, was that an example of this supportive letter writing? How supported do you think the husband might feel if he were to read this supportive letter?

How about when she shared that she didn't want to be in the same room as her husband's parents, or his brother, or his brother's family - would you include this in this "supportive letter writing" that she shared with the world?

How about her expressing that she would not hold hands or express thanks with her husband's parents, or her husband's brother, or her husband's brother's family? More "supportive letter writing" in motion?

What do you think about her cancelling Thanksgiving and Christmas? Do you think that's selfish? Infantile? Silly?

I bet these people really needed to know that they were not alone

I bet she could have expressed that to these people without doing what she did to her husband and his family - And I think she knew that she could but decided to take a different route which included a letter to broadcast said route to the world.

we have hit a critical phase of our devolution. I hope we can find a way out of it, but who should really be required to suffer the insanity indefinitely?

If I might suggest: To at least half of the country, insanity suffering has ended and will become official in about five weeks.

[Gunnar]

If you have things to be thankful for - you should give thanks, period. If you love the people, you should be willing to hold their hands no matter what their pollical leanings happen to be.

Yes, despite Trump, we still have things to be thankful for. But that does not change the fact that the election of a convicted felon, who boasted of grabbing random women by their genitals, who instigated an insurrection to overturn a lawfully legitimate election, who has been accused by numerous women of sexual assault, who badly bungled the covid pandemic response, who has admitted his admiration for despots like Putin, Kim Jong Un, Xi, Victor Orban, etc., and wishes to emulate them, who doesn't understand how massive tariffs cannot fail to result in massive inflation that will hurt all of us, is a great calamity!

That infamous Access Hollywood recording alone should have been enough to have dissuaded anyone who claims to be a devout Christian from ever having seriously considered voting for him!

Regarding the pandemic response, in particular, the incontrovertible fact that our country, with only 4.23% of the world's population had close to a quarter of the fatalities from covid is rather conclusive evidence that few, if any, countries handled the pandemic worse than did our country under the Trump Administration! How any reasonable, well-informed person can so casually dismiss that fact is completely beyond me!

I can't help but believe that Jesus Christ would be mightily ashamed of the many avowed Christians, claiming to be his devout followers, who actually voted for this moral reprobate and adulterer, while foolishly and arrogantly claiming the "moral high ground" by doing so!

[Doctor Steuss]

Later that night, I briefly glanced at my husband and found myself not wanting to look into the eyes I love. I hated this divide. I wanted to touch his forearms and feel our connection, but I also felt an urge to punish him and deny him my touch.

Her husband just showed her that if she were raped, there's a chance (as small is it may be when it isn't a "stranger" who is the victim, but a chance nonetheless) he'd prefer her rapist be elevated to a position of power rather than find justice, as long as the rapist told him some things he found flattering and promised to save him some money. That's not an easy thing for a lot of people to process.

I wish her luck in navigating the complex feelings she's likely going to be grappling with, and trying to maintain (and or redefine) the relationships in her life. We all have dealbreakers, and sometimes we can renegotiate dealbreakers when weighed against all of the other complex things involved in love, family, friends, community, and life in general... and sometimes we just can't.

[Gunnar]

Her husband just showed her that if she were raped, there's a chance (as small is it may be when it isn't a "stranger" who is the victim, but a chance nonetheless) he'd prefer her rapist be elevated to a position of power rather than find justice, as long as the rapist told him some things he found flattering and promised to save him some money. That's not an easy thing for a lot of people to process.

I wish her luck in navigating the complex feelings she's likely going to be grappling with, and trying to maintain (and or redefine) the relationships in her life. We all have dealbreakers, and sometimes we can renegotiate dealbreakers when weighed against all of the other complex things involved in love, family, friends, community, and life in general... and sometimes we just can't.

I hope, for both her and her husband's sake, that he will soon manage to figure out what a horrible mistake he made in voting for Trump. It can happen, especially if he is anything close to the man she initially fell in love with. There are a significant number of people who rejected Trump, even after having voted for him twice, and already a growing number of people who now regret having voted for him 3 times. Unfortunately, it is too late for the latter group to change what just happened in the last election.

[ceeboo]

Later that night, I briefly glanced at my husband and found myself not wanting to look into the eyes I love. I hated this divide. I wanted to touch his forearms and feel our connection, but I also felt an urge to punish him and deny him my touch.

Her husband just showed her that if she were raped, there's a chance (as small is it may be when it isn't a "stranger" who is the victim, but a chance nonetheless) he'd prefer her rapist be elevated to a position of power rather than find justice, as long as the rapist told him some things he found flattering and promised to save him some money. That's not an easy thing for a lot of people to process.

Wow!

I wish her luck in navigating the complex feelings she's likely going to be grappling with, and trying to maintain (and or redefine) the relationships in her life.

I wish the husband luck in navigating the marriage and the extraordinarily difficult spot that his wife has put him in. My guess is that this marriage is in trouble.

[ceeboo]

I hope, for both her and her husband's sake, that he will soon manage to figure out what a horrible mistake he made in voting for Trump.

if the husband ever does figure out this horrible mistake that he has made, do you think his wife might lose the urge to punish him and not deny him her touch? Or do you think he will have to prove his political ideology to her for a few election cycles first?

It can happen, especially if he is anything close to the man she initially fell in love with.

Are you suggesting that you know the marital circumstances surrounding the relationship between the "supportive letter writer lady" and her husband? Who was this man that she initially fell in love with? Who is this man now? And how can he once again become the man she initially fell in love with?

[Doctor Steuss]

Wow!

Indeed. Hearing the accounts of victims of sexual assault, and them expressing what a third of eligible voters excusing rape means for them, and the world they live in, and the trauma they permanently carry, has been incredibly harrowing. There have been more than a few times I've found myself in tears listening to relived trauma, and the realization that so many people are able to excuse rape and child sexual predation. The mixture of heartbreak and rage as the MAGA emboldened Trump-clones have been declaring to these victims of rape, "Your body, my choice" has been emotionally exhausting to behold.

I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to be the victim of sexual assault, and seeing people openly declare they'd rather a rapist be in a position of power than to see justice, if that rapist makes promises that they want to hear.

I wish the husband luck in navigating the marriage and the extraordinarily difficult spot that his wife has put him in. My guess is that this marriage is in trouble.

I'm not sure it's an extraordinarily difficult spot to be put in. At least I hope it's not. I think most men have the empathy, ethics, and emotional maturity necessary to understand why someone might attempt to hold them accountable for being ok with rape and child sexual predation.