Smithmas Hymns and Carols

[Moksha]

J.S. repeated the statement—“‘Would to God I could tell you who I am.’ The saints are not yet prepared to know their Prophet leader.” Joseph S. is probably a literal descendent of Jesus Christ of Jewish and Ephraim lineage, the blood of Judah probably predominating—the ruling power. . . .

Excellent point. There is no way that Joseph was expounding on the doctrine of cannibalism.

[Everybody Wang Chung]

Chat GPT, please write an original poem about Smithmas:


A Smithmas Ode

In December's chill, beneath starry skies,
We remember a prophet, both humble and wise.
Joseph, the dreamer with visions untold,
A seeker of wisdom, a gatherer of gold.

The peepstone glimmered with mysteries divine,
Revealing the heavens, the stars' ancient sign.
Kolob, the distant, where spirits may roam,
A beacon of hope, a celestial home.

With angels descending, their swords all aflame,
A commandment was given, both blessing and shame.
"Take many wives, let the covenant grow,
This path is your burden; the heavens bestow."

The papyri of Egypt, with glyphs to translate,
Held promises veiled in symbols ornate.
From Kirtland's green hills to the Nauvoo divine,
The Safety Society's dream began its decline.

Through triumph and trial, his story unfolds,
A prophet, a man, with ambitions so bold.
Oh, Smithmas, we gather to ponder and sing,
Of seers, of angels, and wonders they bring.

So light every lamp, let the firelight glow,
For the legacy lingers in hearts that still know.
Through flaming swords, peepstones, and visions so grand,
Smithmas reminds us of this chosen land.

[drumdude]

Great hymn. I confess, though, that I prefer “Stain Illinois” in the last line of the second verse.

The blood atonement line will have to suffice.

[Kishkumen]

Chat GPT, please write an original poem about Smithmas:

A Smithmas Ode

In December's chill, beneath starry skies,
We remember a prophet, both humble and wise.
Joseph, the dreamer with visions untold,
A seeker of wisdom, a gatherer of gold.

The peepstone glimmered with mysteries divine,
Revealing the heavens, the stars' ancient sign.
Kolob, the distant, where spirits may roam,
A beacon of hope, a celestial home.

With angels descending, their swords all aflame,
A commandment was given, both blessing and shame.
"Take many wives, let the covenant grow,
This path is your burden; the heavens bestow."

The papyri of Egypt, with glyphs to translate,
Held promises veiled in symbols ornate.
From Kirtland's green hills to the Nauvoo divine,
The Safety Society's dream began its decline.

Through triumph and trial, his story unfolds,
A prophet, a man, with ambitions so bold.
Oh, Smithmas, we gather to ponder and sing,
Of seers, of angels, and wonders they bring.

So light every lamp, let the firelight glow,
For the legacy lingers in hearts that still know.
Through flaming swords, peepstones, and visions so grand,
Smithmas reminds us of this chosen land.

Love it, Everybody Wang Chung!

[Tom]

Thanks for helping us hear up for Smithmas, Tom! I believe this will be a Smithmas to long remember!

You’re welcome, Kish! I do believe your Smithmas show will be a wonderful way to cap off the season.

[Moksha]

Love it, Everybody Wang Chung!

Between this ode and his cartoons, Everybody Wang Chung is a genius.

[Kishkumen]

Between this ode and his cartoons, Everybody Wang Chung is a genius.

Brilliant humorists recognize each other!

[Tom]

I shared my favorite Smithmas hymn here almost a year ago now, but I feel prompted to share it anew.

John Taylor penned a rousing hymn in honor of the Prophet Joseph, titled “The Seer,” that deserves to be sung far and wide on Smithmas Day. It was, of course, written by Elder Taylor for the dedication of the Seventies Hall in Nauvoo, dedicated to President Brigham Young, and published on the back page of the 1 January 1845 issue of the Times and Seasons.

1. The Seer, the Seer, Joseph, the Seer!
I’ll sing of the Prophet ever dear, the Prophet ever dear;
His equal now cannot be found
By searching the wide world around.
With Gods he soared in the realms of day,
And men be taught the heavenly way,
And men be taught the heavenly way.
The earthly Seer! the heavenly Seer!
I love to dwell on his memory dear;
The chosen of God and the friend of man,
He brought the priesthood back again;
He gazed on the past and the future, too,
And opened, and opened the heavenly world to view,
And opened, and opened the heavenly world to view.

2. Of noble seed, of heavenly birth,
He came to bless the sons of earth, to bless the sons of earth;
With keys by the Almighty given,
He opened the full rich stores of heaven;
O’er the world that was wrapped in sable night,
Like the sun he spread his golden light,
Like the sun he spread his golden light.
He strove, O how he strove to stay
The stream of crime in its reckless way!
With a mighty hand and a noble aim,
He urged the wayward to reclaim:
’Mid foaming billows of angry strife,
He stood at, he stood at the helm of the ship of life,
He stood at, he stood at the helm of the ship of life.

3. The Saints, the Saints, his only pride!
For them he lived, for them he died; he lived, for them he died;
Their joys were his, their sorrows too.
He loved the Saints; he loved Nauvoo.
Unchanged in death, with a Savior’s love,
He pleads their cause in the courts above.
He pleads their cause in the courts above.
The Seer, the Seer! Joseph, the Seer!
O how I love his memory dear!
The just and wise, the pure and free,
A father he was and is to me.
Let fiends now rage, in their dark hour—
No matter, no matter, he is beyond their power,
No matter, no matter, he is beyond their power.

4. He’s free! he’s free! the Prophet’s free!
He is where he will ever be, where he will ever be,
Beyond the reach of mobs and strife,
He rests unharmed in endless life.
His home’s in the sky; he dwells with the Gods
Far from the furious rage of mobs,
Far from the furious rage of mobs.
He died, he died for those he loved.
He reigns; he reigns in the realms above.
He waits with the just who have gone before
To welcome the Saints to Zion’s shore.
Shout, shout, ye Saints! this boon is given;
We’ll meet him, we’ll meet him Our martyred Seer, in heaven.
We’ll meet him, we’ll meet him, our martyred Seer, in heaven.

And here is a stirring Tabernacle Choir performance of the hymn (unfortunately, the choir skips the entire second verse and all of the fourth verse except the last lines): https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5LRluoh5R ... IHNlZXI%3D

I have faith that the new hymnal will feature this glorious hymn. Of course, it was part of the 1948/1950 hymnal but was inexplicably dropped when the 1985 hymnbook was put together. I suspect, but cannot confirm, that members of a shadowy anti-Smithmas secret combination infiltrated the 1985 hymnbook committee. I trust that the Strengthening Church Members Committee will see to it that such a faction won’t be able to practice its dark arts this time around.

Posted from Interlaken (Utah)

[Kishkumen]

Very moving, Tom. Yes, the new hymnal would not be complete without this song.

[Dr. Shades]

Here's my contribution to our collection of Smithmas carols. It may be a bit dated, but it was fresh when I wrote it:

'Twas the night before Smithmas, and on Temple Square
hung a most hopeless feeling of awful despair.
while the Morg missionaries led tours of the grounds,
there was no trace of cheer to be anywhere found.

And inside of the temple the mood did persist,
as fifteen men assembled (my sources insist).
Now, the men were "apostles," or so it is said,
by the folks known as "Mormons" who might be misled.

Then they each took their seats, their heads heavy with gloom,
for their bi-weekly meeting in the "Upper Room."
When they all became seated, one man took the stand,
he was M. Russell Ballard--What speech had he planned?

"There's a new thing out there," he began with a frown,
"If it isn't stopped soon, it will tear the church down!
Now it's time that we faced an insidious threat,
it's the worst one in years: It's called 'the Internet!'

And the members--from old to the young, I've heard tell--
they can eas'ly get on it, Goddamn it to Hell!
They can read what they want just by typing key-words!
And the normal folks do this, not just geeks and nerds!

Now, I've heard many stories of members aghast
when they first read the true and unsanitized past!
Because now people see that the hist'ry's been changed,
and they know Brigham's sermons sound fully deranged!

They can read the true stories of Danites and such,
and then learn how the prophets were way out of touch.
They can read how much Joseph was really a nut,
then they'll know the false doctrines out there--so now what?"

And then Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Men, it is true,
I'm afraid that this time I don't know what to do.
Saying, 'That was a couplet!' did okay before;
but now I highly doubt it will work anymore.

'I don't know that we teach that' did good for a time,
but to use it once more wouldn't be worth a dime.
And so history we can no longer suppress,
'cause the 'net's put a quick stop to all that, I guess.

So now what is there left? what deception to ply?
Now we'd better think fast, or just kiss it goodbye!"
And then Dallin spoke up and said, "What will we do
when the members find out that the church isn't true?

And so now what comes next? Has our cover been blown?"
Then the men all looked down, their sad fate to bemoan.
As the fifteen thought hard, all their faces real grim,
they then knew at that time that their chances were slim.

So the men got to thinking but came up with naught
'cept a horrible scene of a tithing boycott.
And then just at that point, things did get really bright,
And then just as you'd guess, the apostles took fright.

Then the glow in the room coalesced to the shape
of a six-foot tall man who looked strong as an ape.
See, the sudden appearance took all by surprise,
so they trembled, then coughed, then they squinted their eyes.

So, who was this strange specter they had to deal with?
Why, it's none other than the ghost of Joseph Smith!
"Holy cow!" Said the prophet. "This is a bombshell!
'Cause we all thought for sure you were burning in Hell!"

Then Joe said, "I should smack you, now show me respect
since I stared your church--it is what I expect.
Now, I've come here to help you out of this fine fix,
'cause you know that when living, I was full of tricks.

When the members find something exposing the Morg,
just you don't worry none 'bout dot-com or dot-org.
And so if they should find out the meat before milk,
just refer them to FARMS and to FAIR and their ilk.

You can say, 'That's not doctrine,' then watch their doubts fade.
Tell them 'he was misquoted,' then fears are allayed!
'It was took out of context,' you can also say,
as you tell them to fast and you tell them to pray.

Those excuses work always; repeat them all when
any member returns to his doubting again."
"That's a real good idea!" Boyd Packer did shout,
"Yes, this spin-doct'ring surely will bail us all out!"

Joseph Smith cracked a smile, then he quick turned around,
'cause he knew he'd imparted a lesson profound.
And no more would the Brethren be worried at all,
'cause there wasn't a doubt that they couldn't forestall.

And then Joseph yelled out, "I have got to move on;
I have sev'ral young women to bang before dawn!
To Fanny! To Zina! And to Helen Mar!
To Lucy! To Patty!" (so many there are!)

The apostles were grateful, of that you could tell,
For this timely advice that went over so well.
And they heard Joe exclaim ere departing forthwith:
"MERRY SMITHMAS TO ALL, AND LONG LIVE JOSEPH'S MYTH!"